Mr Grumpy: Round 3 and a half

Yet another great post Jon, I can sense your joy and happiness. What a lovely day too, can't beat it. Hopefully by this time you should be P*ssed as a f*rt laughing insanely as you show your son's friends more family albums. I can't wait till I get to that stage, payback Maisie big time. All the blocks are in place so relax sorry chillax maaan. Some good sounds you mentioned earlier, watch out for that yellow snow nanook. Stegleg

Day: One of two

Well that was strange, but good. The euphoria, as expressed on my last entry, has subsided, still happy about yesterday though.

However, I did not do what I planned to do.

I had a couple of "celebratory" SC's... but after my post I got to thinking. I felt like getting smashed... well not smashed.... but have a good drink till the music in my headphones melted into my brain, jigging about on my computer chair whilst playing bridge with " serious" types, feeling "Ha... I can do this P*****, whilst bopping in my chair and still make 7NT... and you don't know I am doing it".... but I didn't.

I recognised that if I drink that much now the urges DO come and the control is inhibited to such an extent that I would try. Now I have blocks in place, so it was not a coice not to gamble... it was a choice not to feel like a gamble. I did not carry on in my celebrations because I didn't want to self induce the sickening urge, especially on pay day. Last time that happened I found the loophole.

I think my drinking habits have changed. Strangely I probably drink more frequently now... maybe 3 or 4 times a week, but just have 2 or 3 drinks, whereas before, Friday night drinking could last for 6/7 hours... at a slow pace I might add, but by the end I would feel reckless... or maybe a need to be reckless in some way.

Anyway, weekend is here, I am up bright and early, had no urges, no hangover, and my wages wholly intact. May have a tidy up day... may go out for a walk round a couple of carboots in half an hour... I don't know.

Maybe I should try something new this weekend. My last slip was brought on by a few things, one of which was boredom... being a boring person.... need to get some outside interests etc... walk the walk... etc. If I don't, I won't panic... but I will bare this in mind.

Jon

PS: After (M)onday and (T)uesday even the week says w*f !!

HIya Jon

just catching up with posts here.....think your right about drink....my ex used to drink heavy whilst gambling online...which gave an added feeing of invincibility...then used to eat the hottest chillis on the planet (natural painkiller)......

uppers...downers and painkillers.

Great that you know your cycle and could intercept and avert a disaster...and know that feeling of urge so you can make a different choice..

I also drink daily with my meal but don't binge drink....I call this my continental style pacing....i never go out with the sole intention to get drunk....its always around food....

As i live alone now ...also boredom is a biggie too so i can relate to that.Having my dog has helped as she forces me out wind rain' or shine.

Its all about getting creative right? and rewarding ourselves with healthy choices'

have a good day round the car boots Jon ..have just looked down my top and perhaps I am a BB in training...lol

great self awareness in your last post and that is half the battle too.

wuffs

Rach xx

Hi,

Never expected that early post this morning , thought you would be nursing either a hang over or treat yourself you a lie in. But maybe like me you relish the solitude of the early hours.

Congrats or your results yesterday I am sure you worked hard to get them and as they say the proof is in the pudding at the end of the day.

Your last post about drinking and gambling. I wanted to share my thoughts on this, which once again I hope you do not find overbearing.

I have stated in my diary many a time that drinking fuels my gambling and gambling fuels my drinking.

My major urge a couple of weeks ago was undoubtedly ignited by the fact I had been drinking.

For over thirty years I mostly played slots in pubs , drink in hand. In later years would drink and then run over the bookies play a few hundred , go home drink more go back to the bookies. Very few times would I do one in isolation. Even if I bet before work, I would find a pub down a quick one on my way in , to either commiserate my losses , or sit there counting up my winnings and doing mental check drink in one hand , f*g in the other as to how this money effected my finances.

For me gambling and drinking, were part and parcel of the same event. To do one without the other would be like only putting on one sock in the morning.

Today I rarely drink vodka , but still have the odd glass of pims, find it difficult to give it up completely even though I know I need to.

I have the utmost respect for you taking those steps last night to ensure that you did not let the drink ingnite your feelings to gamble.

Take care.

Dusty xx

Hi john , its events like last night that bring us some clarity to what we are all trying to acheive instead of just going into the gambling zone where we have no care or thought of what we are doing till its to late we are thinking it through before we get to the point of no return. Its actions like this that keep moving us in the right direction . Loving the jokes by the way. Enjoy your evening and have you moved those bloody cups yet lol. Blondie a fully fledged member of the club

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzbpgBPJfUs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Tdu4uKSZ3M

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIsS9L9nqvY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6xtSbGBydM

Hradphones on... feeling cool and froody.... just some of the music I like that almost makes me a BB

Doing what I was gonna do.... but the time is right.

Jon

Almost forgot... the mellowest..est...est

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PlK6GN4oJgU

Somebody might like one of them.

PPS wouldn't be complete without

http://www.youtube.com/watch?…xnNNGjubg&feature=related

And then theres this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?…sttzkUgs&feature=branded.

Finally... this is my son.

http://soundcloud.com/jonb2412/collide

And finally.... my angry song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmrTAog-LSE

been through all the emotions tonight Jon...just checking in to say if I dont respond its cos I've nodded off......xx

night night..and thanks for your company tonight on the graveyard shift my friend xx

wuffs x

doh!!! ipad got a life of its own

Hi Jon.....just listened to Collide and think its really good...am guessing the young girl is your sons girlfriend?

Tried to play the other one but it would'nt let me click on....

You must be proud and we may be looking at the next Ed S in the making ?

Hope your nicely tucked up in bed now and lid of the old SC....lol .

Reminds me of a line from a classic film:

Fancy a drink?

Yeah...John Daniels

You mean Jack?

When you've known him as long as I have ..its John....

on that note....night night sleep tight xxx

Thanks Rach... this is my last....

Have enjoyed tonight and so glad you came along.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tlI3VR0VfE

'cept you my love".. the most unexpected but honest lyric I know,

Jon

thanks for keeping me company in the wee small hours...

Rachel x

Afternoon Jon, thanks for the post, could relate to what you said. Been watching some of your YouTube clips, feel nostalgic, used to listen to Floyd all the time in my youth. Haven't really since but I'll be listening to Dark Side of the Moon again later. Love all that type of music, Hendrix, Doors, Zep, Gong, Hillage, amongst others. Getting into 'The Brian Jonestown Massacre,' at the mo.' very good. When concentrating or reading I can only listen to classical though, helps me to relax. All good. Take care Jon, only a short while now for a well, long deserved break. Steve.

Day: two of two

Quite pleased with myself, though over did it a tad. So whilst Mr Jacobs Creeked Stegs morning boot sales, Mr Southern Comforted me to stay in bed all morning and miss mine. Although the early rain probably put pay to most of them..... But, having had such a "good" drink and there being no urges (don't even think I did a sneaky click to check the blocks were there) I am , as I have said, quite pleased.

Hangover? Minimal. I get hot feet, which is weird.. a slighty funny tummy.... but that's it. Enjoyed it... lots of loud headphoned music, some reminiscing with Rach ( we had a Kate Bush Competition) and some acoustic... my brain melting into it, and some winning bridge hands ( played quite well last night if i say so myself) T'was a good night.

I have had to keep telling myself to relax though. I feel like I should be on edge about something, or under pressure for something... it's a strange thing to try to get away from.. and to try to Relax... feel fairly chilled today... just a little gnawing feeling there... there must be something....

So another of my addictions can be watching certain series... box sets. I know a lot of people like these. Once I get my teeth into a good series, it's one after the other... till the end. Just upto season 6 of Criminal Minds, and just started watching Season 2 of "Suits".... only 3 episodes. Done all the 24's, West Wing, and, probably my favourite, Six feet Under... to name but a few. So I think that is what I will carry on doing today. No need to achieve anything, or worry about work..... or feel guilty about doing... Nothing.

Hope everyone is well and on top of their game.

Jon

PS. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal was to transcend dental medication.

Led Zep at knebworth, well jealous. Seen Steve Hillage and Gong though, excellent gigs. You certainly are a canny car booter, £3 videos into £72 David Dickinson would be impressed. What was on them? Fergue getting her toe sucked? Making £50 on golf clubs, again that's a great result. Whereas, all I seem to come home with is worthless tat but I enjoy the experience of trying to bargain them down to next to nothing. The only successes I've had are a 1938 play script of Macbeth (50p) which had Lawrence Olivier's signature at the back, had it for 15 years before I read it and found it, sold it on for £40 odd quid. Also bought a mint Wasa Wasa lp first edition for about £2, sold that on for again about the same price. Oh and I bought the Who's first edition debut album for buttons and sold it on making a £50 profit. As I said earlier though, I just like a rummage through people's rubbish, I was probably a raccoon in a previous existence.

Terry Pratchett eh, I've got a couple of his books ready to be read, I've a ridiculous amount of books, can't remember the name of his book I've got but there's a witch on the front. Is he any good? Shame about his illness too. Anyway just finished reading Gazza's autobiography (50p), funny and sad. Ploughing my way through Kipling's short stories. They're good, very underrated Kipling, literary circles turned against him for his jingoistic writings, still one of the greats in my eyes though. All the best and you were right what you wrote previously, you do need to experience s**t before you can appreciate contentment. Steve