Mr Grumpy: Round 3 and a half

Hi Jon, Well done on being gamble free 4 8 days 🙂 Also well done for putting all the blocks in place that shows your true determination. You are doing really well. U should be proud of yourself. Stay strong and keep going 🙂

Hi Jon

Thanks for ur post , don't ever feel u can't give advice we are all equal on here , if not a simple post of support is so appreciated by everyone so well done for takin the time to make the effort I hope gives u strength in ur own quest knowing ur helping others

Well done on the 8 days any length of abstaining from gambling is a great effort , keep makin the right choices and stay strong

Castle2

Just back from work... day 11.

Not getting as many urges, but the thoughts are still there, more to do with the losses. I know I have to accept what has gone .. has gone... easier to say than do. I am sure that just thinking about it sparks the adrenaline rush... maybe that's why it is so difficult. I suppose there are different stages to relapses... and I need to put a "nip it in the bud" strategy for when I do start thinking about it. At the moment I am using the song "Things can only get better.." but I don't like that song... wish I had one that I liked... but it seems to work.

Getting closer to payday... that's the real test. I have put some things in place.. but need to secure my money, ie make it so I can't use my card for online transactions. It's like being 2 different people... the one I trust and the one I don't trust. The image of the devil on the shoulder is so true. Two different voices in my head, one telling me "this is the time to change", and one telling me "one more go can't hurt... you might win...."... but we know the answer to that one.

Anyway, another day.

I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP.

Hi Jon, it was nice talking to you in chat. Well done 4 putting the blocks in place and recognising the days that may be difficult (pay day) so u r able to prepare for this. You are doing really well 🙂 U can do this Jon. Stay strong

12 days:

A little restless this evening.... could be work...same nervous stomach feeling I associate with losses.

I know I will be vulnerable on Monday so must prepare as best I can... I am sure I just have to make the right decisions to get me on my way for the next month. Can't have another month like the last three.

Hope all is as well as possible for everyone else.

Jon

Well done on getting to day 12 b extra careful on monday 4 me getn rid of my debit card has been a massive help

Day 13: Cheers Ronnie

Almost 2 weeks: Still thoughts going through my head, but not as frequent. A lot of "What if"s.... but I know its going to take a lot longer to to rewire this brain of mine... especially with the losses and the debt caused by them.

Complacency is a theme that runs quite strongly with those that have relapsed... that feeling that you are sorted. It is difficult to think that I'll never be sorted, but I must accept that this is me, and if I want to be happier.. it doesn't come easily... it has it's own price, but from what I read on the diaries.. it is worth it.

It's a fine balance, having to forget the losses... they are gone, yet needing to remember the pain it caused so that I don't become complacent, so I don't forget how sick it made me feel, and how much I hated myself... and that was only 2 weeks ago.

I am happier without those lows... I miss the infrequent highs... I need some other way ... but not yet. Fair to middling suits me fine at the moment.

Stay strong all

I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP

Hi Jon

Well done on the 2 weeks any abstaining from gambling is a great achievement , gambling takes so much from us so self hatred is normal but ur confidence will return every day u don't gamble every day u beat those urges the strength will rise the determination , grit and steel will be inside u makin u fight realising that u can beat this disease

Keep makin the right decisions ultimately ur the only one can make them but we're all here to help and support u

Castle2

Heard something tonight that rang true: I am 14 days away from my last bet, but only one day away from my next.... never be complacent.... If I get to a thousand I will only be one day away from my next unless i stay vigilant about my addiction.

Hi Jon, thank you for your kind words and support on my diary. It meant a lot 2 have your support when I was feeling so dissapointed with myself. Well done on staying strong. Hope everything is still going well 4 u 🙂 take care xx

Hi Jon, thx for your kind support on my diary. We are together bro... You doing brilliantly and 2 weeks is good achievment. I hope you will have best possible gamble free weekend and stay strong. Do not think too much about monday, just keep busy, give your cards to someone trusted and do not carry bigger than absolutely necessary amounts of cash. Stay in your safe area and don t lead yourself into temptation (places close to bookies, pubs with racing on screens etc.). all the best. K.

Massive well done to you on two weeks.

And even better to hear that you realise that this will be a long journey. We can never be complacent no matter whether we are two weeks or one hundred weeks in our journeys.

Have a great weekend,

NT

hi jon, thanks for your post on my diary and congrats on the 2 weeks, i 2 have just achieved this so will keep a check on your diary and make sure we both progress to a month and beyond, a payday check in would be a great idea! all the best mate

dw

Thanks for your support.

Tomorrow's payday and I am confident I will be ok..( new bank card hasn't arrived yet.... so can't do anything).

I have just spent quite a while reading diaries. I am still at a stage, and I know this is not where I want to be and it does not sound good, but I look for people who feel the same way I do... or I look back to when those who are now doing well, were not doing so well. I find it difficult to celebrate success, not just my own but others too... is this normal at the beginning of the "journey"? I seem to be wallowing in the pain.... but seeing others pain helps me see that I am not alone. I guess in time these feelings will become more positive and as I learn to celebrate my own success, other peoples successes will mean something to me too.

I would also like to point people to a diary... a very long one.... but one that is well worth reading, even if only skimming the odd page, there are some great truths to be had. The author is "Ade"... reading this has helped me this morning. So I would like to say thank you to Ade for sharing.

Into my third week: Bored... but Bored is good for now.

Jon

Quote from ADE diary.... I hope this is ok to do...

A Mayonnaise Jar and Two Beers

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 beers story.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked his students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook it lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the gold balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous ‘yes’.

The professor then produced 2 beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space. The students laughed. ‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognise that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things - your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favourite passions - and if everything else was lost and they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else - the small stuff.’

‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room left for the pebbles or golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit your grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposals. Take care of the golf balls first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities ... The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and enquired what the beer represented ...

The professor smiled and said, ‘I’m glad you asked. The beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there is always room for a couple of beers with a friend.’