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(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
Topic starter
 

I'm 33 . Ireland based.

I live at home and I spend most of my free time in my room.

I've gambled about 12 years now. Since I joined college. Got hooked straight away.

I've decided to get some help. I joined gamcare and went to the chat room. Caroline from gamcare recommended ringing dunlewey and I rang them as soon as the chat was over.

I lost over four grand over the weekend . I come from an area with lots of bookies. I was placing big bets in one bookies and walked to another bookies to watch the race so they wouldn't see my reaction if it lost.

Drinking a lot in between gambling and after gambling . Fills a void but creates more problems .

I don't own many clothes. I don't even own a belt for my trousers . I look like dirt .

So I want to change. I want the madness to stop . I read a thread on here about people losing the value of money and I can relate to that . I don't spend money on even bus fare for work but through big money on cartoons.

I want to change.

 
Posted : 7th November 2017 10:35 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Welcome mate, here’s to a brighter tomorrow!

 
Posted : 7th November 2017 10:49 pm
Crossintheroad
(@crossintheroad)
Posts: 78
 

You've made a start mate. I'm similar even when I win I can't get out of the bookies so what's the point. Give yourself a massive pay rise don't gamble and spend some of the savings on some new clothes you will feel a lot better

 
Posted : 7th November 2017 11:04 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
Topic starter
 

Crossintheroad wrote: You've made a start mate. I'm similar even when I win I can't get out of the bookies so what's the point. Give yourself a massive pay rise don't gamble and spend some of the savings on some new clothes you will feel a lot better

See that's what I tell myself . Sure I've been wanting to buy a tracksuit for about a year now. I literally cannot spend money on anything other than gamble. Never mind clothes I walk to work .

And it's me doing this to myself. That head is messed up and I'm sick of it

 
Posted : 7th November 2017 11:22 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
Topic starter
 

Really struggling today .

Day 2.

Head has a million thoughts and can't settle on one.

Mood is all over the place . Sad angry lost determined motivated confused depressed. Really finding things tough.

Work is tough. Getting up early and working hard and nothing to show for fault. And it's only myself to blame

Counselling place never got back to me.

 
Posted : 8th November 2017 8:11 pm
sjw
 sjw
(@sjw)
Posts: 574
 

Hi Stephen

I also didn't spend any of my money on anything other than gambling too. We get a messed up view of what money even is. We gamble large sums never experiencing what that money can do for us used in a "normal" way. I never wanted to "waste" my money on anything other than gambling to be honest. Im still having a few issues treating myself but im in control now. I don't have access to my bank accounts, i passed that over but i took the decision to do this to help myself.

Have you told anyone you have contact with in the real world? It helps a lot if you can talk this out and get the weight of this off you a little in the early days. It also means you can hand control of your finances over and not have to worry about the stress of managing money around your addiction for the time being. This can be as simple and just giving over your credit/debit cards and budgeting for bills, withdrawing the cash out.

Other than that its about putting blocks in place to stop you having the ability to gamble. Take the steps that you know will help you. Self exclude and take gamblings power away from you. Stay strong, getting a few days gamble free behind you will help you see things more clearly and will allow you to plan a little further. Right now its one day at a time, just let the dust settle and try work out why you turn to gambling.

Don't be so hard on yourself for what has gone, its done. Its not nice to think about but you cant change that. Focus on what you can do to beat this, learn about your addiction and things will improve in the future.

 
Posted : 8th November 2017 8:34 pm
sjw
 sjw
(@sjw)
Posts: 574
 

Chase counselling up mate. You need them, they will help you.

 
Posted : 8th November 2017 8:36 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
Topic starter
 

I tried handing over my finances. I end up falling out with people and get it handed back.
And I tried self excluding from shops last week but I just went to different bookies ( even though I wrote down on the form to exclude from all )

And everyone knows at this stage I've a gambling problem . When I have a few drinks I tell the world. And sure you'd know by looking at me I have problems. Like I said in my first post I can't even get the head straight to buy myself a belt for my trousers

 
Posted : 8th November 2017 8:42 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
Topic starter
 

I really want to be dead. Life is s***t.

Went to work. they supply bread so you can make some toast. After queuing up to make toast the bread was frozen. I sit in a row of desks in an office. the two women in front of me have spent the last hour taking about their kids and xmas. the woman behind me has a weird obession with her boyfriend and brings her into to every conversation. My head is killing me trying to do some work and listen to c**P non stop.

Everything is a f uckin struggle

I wish i was dead. Life is s***t.

 
Posted : 9th November 2017 9:29 am
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Stephen, it's all getting on top of you I am in the same position, I had a complete meltdown last week and just didn't want to be around anymore. Can you get some time off work or have you some annual leave, maybe have some time to yourself or go stay with family, get some tlc or company?

Life is s**t when we are at our lowest, just got to hang in there.

 
Posted : 9th November 2017 9:32 am
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Stephen mate, are you alright? It sounds like you’re really down at the moment. I’m geniunely concerned and want you to know that there are people that care, it may not feel like it sometimes but there are. Life is only beautiful if we allow it to be. Let it go that you’ve made some mistakes and make tomorrow the day where you take steps towards the life you desire.

 
Posted : 9th November 2017 6:47 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
Topic starter
 

No I'm not great but thanks for the people asking. I have some annual leave next week.
I'm just sick of this . I spent more time debating buying a 4e sandwich than throwing hundreds on a cartoon race . And I'm sick of myself to be honest . My own shadow has f ucking left me .

And I'm using this as a rant . Because I keep this all in normally and it comes out in the wrong ways

 
Posted : 9th November 2017 8:24 pm
sjw
 sjw
(@sjw)
Posts: 574
 

Any news on the counselling Stephen? If not please chase them up. These boards help to type out a rant but nothing releases like talking to someone that understands the pain you are going through.

Get help and this will be as bad as it'll get mate. Things will improve, i know its hard to believe that some times.

 
Posted : 9th November 2017 8:40 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
Topic starter
 

sjwsjw wrote:

Any news on the counselling Stephen? If not please chase them up. These boards help to type out a rant but nothing releases like talking to someone that understands the pain you are going through.

Get help and this will be as bad as it'll get mate. Things will improve, i know its hard to believe that some times.

I heard nothing back . f***k em. Putting myself out there asking for help and not even a text to acknowledge me

 
Posted : 9th November 2017 10:05 pm
Little miss lost
(@little-miss-lost)
Posts: 745
 

Hi Stephen, I'm guessing it's you and you'll probably remember me?
Sorry to hear you're not in a very good place.
All I'll say is, you've managed to stop for a while before therefore you can do it again. You just have to take it a day at a time.
Rant on here all you like if it helps you. It's good to have you back even though you're struggling. It's better to struggle with people who understand than on your own.
If you don't know of me, I apologise but send you a bucketful of strength regardless
Lml x

 
Posted : 9th November 2017 10:47 pm
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