My Diary

Well done mate, positive post and this weekend relax and enjoy your sport or whatever else you choose to do.

Wilsy

0 Days GF

Back to the start, I'm so disappointed with myself. Had an account that I thought was closed pop up via email with a free bet, I won and then went on to deposit ВЈ30 Saturday and £30 sunday.

I was 16 days GF then I went and ruined it, it may not seem alot of money to some but it's the fact I broke my own rules, rather than the money lost.

I could lie and say I had a successful weekend, but i'd only be lying to myself. So today is another new start and I will keep this thread as a reminder of my own journey and to record my progress.

Don't worry mate, just start again, no damage done just a bit of disappointment, you'll be stronger for this slip.

Wilsy

1 Day GF

1 day under my belt, still disappointed about the weekend. It's actually reaffirmed why I can't gamble, I'm always the loser.

You aren't a loser but we do always lose at gambling which is why it is no good. Well done mate on posting, keep waking up each day and start your day by postively posting on your diary.

Wilsy

Cheers Wilsy

I took a look at your diary yesterday and you've come a long way from your day 1. I will try and keep up to date with your progress. Well done on your journey so far.

2 Days GF

Had the urge to drop a bet on the football last night, it was quite strong too. Instead I went to the the gym and put my phone in the locker.

I felt better on my previous clear run than on this one, Not sure why but it was easier a week ago. Is it boredom? Idle thumbs? I work on my own alot and it can be quite lonely, maybe I use gambling to keep my mind off being bored at work. I think it becomes habit at the weekend lots of football and always had accumalators on. It was part of the weekend activities.

I need to toughen up mentally and keep fighting.

3 Days GF

Another day down and another evening in the gym locking my phone away so I can't bet.
It seems to work, I get fit and healthy and my bank balance remains healthier.

Since stopping gambling (1 Day relapse admittedly) I've halved my use of my overdraft. Every month I was going £700 into the red and with pay day looming next week I should just touch half of that.

Going to see a Metallica tribute band the weekend with the thought in the back of my mind about not spending too much. If it wasn't for gambling this would not have bothered me. But as I've been over spending for 2 years+ I'm trying to get comfortable.

Positives are coming in the form of reducing the overdraft use, once this is in order it will allow me to pay off my credit card and save for the future.

Have a good day all.

4 Days GF

As I'm writing this I have a temptation to place an accumulator. There's not even much on today, I guess it's the feeling of putting a bet on for the sake of it.

With weekend coming up I will not gamble, this is where I am weakest as it is part of my weekend. Off out Saturday night so funds will go on that instead of losing.

I've done a fair bit of reflecting and noticed how many things I have turned down due to gambling. I've wasted a couple of years giving my money to the bookies, Instead of going places and gaining new experiences. I even had to give up fishing as I couldn't afford to go, it's not the cheapest hobby but still cheaper than gamblimg. I had to sell my car as the repairs were becoming too high, had to lie to my wife that it was becoming unreliable. When in fact I had to sell it to pay for repairs and get some money back from it.

I borrowed money from my dad and could only pay half back, I avoided the issue and it caused things to become awkward. This hurt alot as I was embarrassed. He let me Off, but I will repay once I'm straight.

It's pay day next week and it's all I keep living for at the moment, no trips or holidays booked at the moment which will help. It's hard to say no when my wife wants a holiday and I have no acceptable reason not to, other than to come clean which would split us (her dad had a problem, but that's her story). I feel like I'm as bad as him and I'm letting her down.

I checked my deposits on an account and it read I'd put in £2k, I could've done anything with that money and it's not coming back. We can tell ourselves in our heads we haven't deposited a lot, but when it's on screen it proves that I'm just kidding myself. That could've gone into savings and now it's wasted.

Just for today I will not gamble.

Stay strong everyone.

5 Days GF

It was at this point last weekend that I have into temptation. Need to be on my guard and not give in.

Keeping this short and sweet today.

7 Days GF

A successful weekend, no bets wagered. Had a good night out Saturday and was a tad hungover Sunday, wasn't able to think clearly to bet if I wanted to.

Man Utd got turned over by Newcastle, would've been in my acca as well. Seen so many surprising results that is have lost money on, Instead I watched the game for the game itself rather than a bet. Just shame about the result.

So after going 11 days straight, I relapsed. Unfortunately had a night out at the dogs that I couldn't get out of.

Stuck in between not gambling and giving my secret why, and not gambling and not really having an excuse and coming clean. I went with the latter and budgeted £20, but a gamble is a gamble and I start again. I actually spent more on booze rather than the other way round which is a slight positive.

But, let's do day 1 again. I kept my secret from work colleagues but a fall is a fall.

Haven't posted here for a while, I went 2 weeks gamble free and was doing well. Until that is I had a relapse and list £100 that I couldn't afford, part of me thought I could increase that amount and just ended up chasing.

Stupid thing to do I know. So I'm going to keep up this diary, I did think about starting a new one but this mistake will be here to remind me that I can be better.

Just an update of where I was at...

Was doing well for 2 weeks, then I let my guard down. I was a bit short on cash and gambled £10 which spiralled and became more, 1 win 1 lose 2 for example. Credit card clearance is going well and I have only 7 payments left. My main goals are to fight the gambling demon, clear my credit card and fight my way out of my overdraft.

I can and will do this.

1 Day GF (again)

Yesterday went okay, was busy with work to think about gambling.

Keeping this short as it is another busy day, the weekend is the real test.

Happy Friday all.

stay strong ...