Hello everybody, i had already posted in the new members intro forum but i wanted to start a diary so that i feel committed to coming back here and not falling into the trap. My story and gambling history is on my intro post so i wont repeat it all but in short i am a compulsive gambler who is fine all month until payday hits and then on impulse i can blow the lot. And then even worse to chase it back i have taken out payday loans coming out of my ears and lost them too. As many have said here before us compulsive gamblers cannot control ourselves in those moments of manic madness and we have to put every stop in place to ensure we dont cave to those urges. I have such a bad credit rating so god knows how i got accepted in one night for over £4000 in payday loans. Sickening but again only myself to blame and im done dwelling on it. Im 28 and i can put this right if i stick to my plan. I did download k9 in replacement of safari on my iphone but i had to get rid of it after 2 days as it wasnt allowing me to do simple web searches. I have the gamban app but as you are probably aware on the iphone you can just delete it. I cant afford to get the pay monthly packages on other softwares. I checked if i can upgrade my phone and get a samsung android as many have recommended instead as this allows you to get gamban for £10 and not delete it. Unfortunately if i want to upgrade early i have to pay £230 or wait until october when its free 🙁 I downloaded an app called gambling addiction which has a counter on it so you can see how many days you have been gambling free and also it has motivational quotes to keep pushing forward. I also downloaded a gambling therapy app which has lots of stuff on there and some meditation exercises which i am going to try. Everyone has suggested having someone else in control of my finances however this isnt an option for me as i live on my own. But a step i have taken is once all of my bills have been paid i have taken out whats left in cash so that i cant deposit it online. I have also started a journel where i have wrote down positive things i can do instead of gambling. I also wrote down a list of pros and cons of gambling and you can guess there was sooo many cons!! Getting it all down on paper really does help de clutter your mind a little from all the headache it causes. Im feeling stressed but positive that my mind feels so strong at the moment and i have a clear path which means i can steer away from this addiction and enjoy life again.
This is day 2 gambling free for me and also day 2 of my positive future. I am going to be as honest as possible during my journey to recovery. We can all do this together!
Brilliant first post u really mean business, I look forward to reading ur progress. Getting the blocks in place are crucial for after a couple of months when the urges return. 10 pounds sounds very reasonable to stop this. Good luck
​
you could just buy a cheap android for like 50 then do pay as you go, I spend five pound a month on my phone like this and just use WiFi when its free
nnng Thank you adam the support on this site means a lot! It really has opened my eyes up to how much gambling affects so many people from different walks of life. When your doing it and in your little crazy shameful bubble it really feels like your the only one! Im thinking about attending a GA meeting too soon so that its another commitment! And unfortunately im in a long 24 month contract so i cant go pay as you go just yet 🙁 i saw that with EE you can recycle the old phone so they would give me £205 so i might to that and upgrade! It will all help!
Day 3 gambling free.
I have decided i am not going to check in on here every day as im not someone who has urges at all all month. For me the urges start when i have money in my account on payday. So after this post i will check in after each of my paydays towards the end of the month to make sure i stay on track. But i will keep reading everyone’s stories every day to remind me its a losing game! Feeling positive today that i have mentally drawn my line in the sand and i feel a sense of freedom. I have wrote a very harsh budget for my debts but i think some months i may ease it a little and allow myself to live a little. I cant remember whose post i was reading but somebody commented that although it’s important to clear the debts we have accumulated its equally important that we live happy lives. I have ordered russell brands recovery book last night so that should make some interesting reading throughout the month 🙂 anyway im just rambling now so you will hear off me after payday!
I just emailed to self exclude for the maximum time frame from the site that i use for online slots. 🙂
Heres to a better life and a fresh start 🙂
Snap! I'm the same age and blow all my money the same time every month and that's payday! I also had an I phone and sold it. Used the money to get a Samsung gam ban is so effective as you know it can't be deleted. I would recommend you sell your I phone and get a Samsung. Your contract will still be the same as it's the sim card that's the contract. I am also on day two after blowing every penny i got on pay day.
Its a horrible feeling isnt it shantel but once you just accept it and move forward and write it all off what is lost it does feel like youre free again. I definitely am going to look into selling my iphone and getting a samsung so i can get gamban! Not a chance of it happening then!!
Day 14 GF
I purchased the Recovery book by Russell Brand which i finally started to read last night 🙂 12 steps which can be applied to all addictions. Im going to continue reading it now. But as I’ve said before i am not surprised that i havent had any gambling urges as mine only come on payday. Oh my god how bad is this by the way. I self excluded from a certain casino brand for the maximum of 6 years, they usually only horass me via email with offers and bonuses but after self excluding they sent me a £50 bonus in the post! Do they have no shame?! I put it straight in the bin!
Day 18 GF and it all seems so long ago now. But started to think about the £8000 of debt i racked up since Christmas and its getting me down 🙁 i am on a debt management plan but its going to take years 🙁 it’s about £16000 in total ans most of it is from gambling 🙁
Hello NYS,
It is a very up and down journey mentally for sure. We can all look back to our peaks throughout life and think "what if" but whats done is done. Stop gambling and you've given yourself a MASSIVE payrise from here forwards. I too had a 5 figure debt but it is what it is. It will come down if i keep making the right choices. Getting my self worth and confidence back is priceless. I can find happiness in my life around paying off my debt, and you will too.
Life isn't all smiles but it is SO much better when we control our actions and stay away from gambling. One day at a time and it'll all take care of itself.
All the best.
Day 37 gambling free 🙂 i got a letter from an old student overdraft saying they are going to default me unless i pay the balance in 21 days, even though iv been paying into it every month:( i guess this is the consequence of the throwing money away to gambling over the last few years. When i got this letter and spoke to them on the phone and realised there was nothing i could do i did get a fleeting thought to gamble and that i could win and pay it off. Thankfully i had self excluded myself for 5 years so the thought passed. Scary that the little demon is still there in desperate times to try and taunt you. Anyways its just about accepting and moving forward as money isnt everything and we shouldnt let it define our happiness 🙂
Dear NewYorksoul
Fantastic on being 37 days gamble free and not letting the setback with the overdraft trigger a gambling session. I was just wondering if you'd consdered contacting a debt advice helpline to see if they can negotiate with your creditors such as the bank you have the overdraft with? You can find details of several sources of free, impartial help at
http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do/finance-and-debt-management
Best wishes
Deirdre
Forum Admin
IThank you. Yes i am already on a debt management plan and thats what triggered the overdraft sending me a default notice as they said the repayment offer was too low! But it is what is is i cant change it!
I also joined that gamstop today so hopefully i have all the barriers in place that i can to help me continue on this GF path. I did feel happy that i got the urge to gamble as i had money in the bank on payday and i didnt cave. Ive started doing overtime again too so hopefully i can clear the debt over the next 2 years and be done with this horrible chapter!
Day 52 🙂 payday tomorrow and i know i cant and wont gamble and get into the zombiefied state like i used to. God it was such a horrible feeling! In the end i just wanted to get rid of the money i put on just to end the horrible spinning and praying for free spins. Now i am in control 🙂 on my debt management plan but i have started doing overtime so i am going to save up and hopefully offer reduced settlements to the payday loans in the coming months!
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
