My Diary of Shame

Hi ODAAT

Junie it's good to see most of the abstainees jogging on, and I mean jogging coz we all know this is a marathon not a sprint. complacency does it scare me? too blo-dy true it does, that's why im an avid diary reader there's always a posting to remind you of not only how far you've come but how easy it it to fall.

Junie i never consult with Dr Google that scares me too, that's rich coming from Ginger Freud.

thanks for being there....onwards and upwards...Ginger

Hi Juuuunnie,

Jeez I hope a job does not come up for me at your place lol lol

I didn't know your husband to be is a northerner, so is my OH born and bred in Leeds,lol, (say no more lol being a southerner myself) hey that's another thing we have in common, EX gambling, this forum and northern men, should we be knowing something lol.

Great positive post (except the bit at work lol)

Suuuzzzzaaannneexxx

Hi Odat

just popping in to say hi and thankyou for the post

will have a read through your diary when i have abit more time.

Stay Strong

L xx

Hi girl,

Lovely update and can tell how much better you feel at nearly 200 days g free. What caught my eye is you sayin you had it all except love for others while gambling. Now i just think maybe that's all you needed eh? That soul to spend your life with and commit to be there for good and bad? I guess this is a golden grain and you found it girl 🙂 really pleased for you and way to go. Keep on the right track, reap the benefits this abstinence gifts - life is out there for you..grab it with both hands...we only got one shot 😉

Soooo...my vid lol..ok, found one from 2yrs ago in London. Did attend this one and believe me or not i can see my friends in it lol..but not myself!! w*f??? ha..i know..i know..i was at the bar getting drinks lol..either that or never stopping pit stops to the loo lol

So check it out and decide if you're up for a bit of a "rave" before serious life begins in marriage. Bless ya lol

Keep doing what you doing girl..keep living and winning

S x

..with attachment lol

http://youtu.be/bTg476lnHHI

xx

,Hi ODAAT

I've only just read your post from15.23 i don't know how I missed that earlier, probably had my head up my ar-e as usual. you posted the other day that you was wondering how to respond to myself and ade's conversation about depression...blimey the boots on the other foot now junieee....wow I'm sitting here thinking how to respond to that amazing post.

EMPATHY pure and simple from start to finish, there that's a start.....thanks for sharing June....onwards and upwards...Ginger x

Hey Juuune,

Just thought i shall send you a reminder about 8hrs abstinence tonight 🙂
Gathered i must do the same while I'm off work and leave my phone in the kitchen lol..good job i have no bladder problems (boo you lol) and will hopefully sleep over the night.
Thanks for your supportive posts. Shame you cannot join the fun in July..hell, that would of been epic all of us coming together..but that's fine..i understand (as i said ear defenders are available :-P..no pressure lol)

Have a good rest and sleep. Another day of winning..hell..we are not that bad eh? Who needs durracel bunnies having this energy lol

Stay safe...ODAAT

S xx

Hey Chavster!

That's more like it! What an interesting last post.....

I find it quite liberating to ramble on and get it all out in my diary. Hope you did too hun....

I can really relate to a lot of your post, you explained it so well......and there was me thinking you were a bit on the dim side!! Lol :0)

I don't think you should worry about upsetting others by appearing overly happy and in my opinion it doesn't matter whether you have material wealth or not. A gambling problem is a gambling problem. Like you, I have a house, car, a few quid ( not as much as I should mind), but i still navigated my way to my own personal rock bottom. Ramble over....

Keep strong

Ade xxxxx

Mmmm.....maybe.

Or perhaps she got the wrong end of the stick, and she's still waiting under the clock at Waterloo Station! :0o xx

Hi ODAAT

Have read your last post and it was powerful and heart wrenching but as you said to me this is your diary and no one tells you what to do on it girl. So you write what YOU want upbeat or down it's your journey.
Take care
Cheryl x

Thanks for posting on my diary a week or so ago.

I've just read the first full page of yours. I really 'enjoyed' the entry you wrote at New Year, about the origins and early years of your addiction. Mine would follow a similar pattern, including the bit about manipulating relatives. I ought to write mine, but I'm not sure I could bear to think about it in such detail yet. There's so much I'm ashamed of. I know we're supposed to confront our daemons, and I want to, but a lot of it is so raw that I'm not ready to to as yet.

Thanks for your very readable diary, which I shall continue at my next session!

Morning junieeee,

Thanks for your bubbly post, I feel quite sad reading the forum this morning.( But you have made me smile as always)

We will stay on this rollercoaster sometimes holding on tight, but we will, because life is so much happier and saner in recovery,

and today we definitely choose to say NO,

Keep strong and happy my friend, and keep being you, it's sure working.

Suzanne xxxxxx

Thanks for the post about how you feel ODAAT. It was inspiring to see you write about you & your journey in all this. The wonderful work you do in supporting others on here is admirable, i salute you! This is about you too though. Dont neglect you in the pursuit of helping others

Dan x

Morning Chavetta! ;0)

Hope all is good with you today hun. I'm just waiting for my knee X-ray! Went to see the quack first thing and he said i had too much swelling on my knee which had turned into a bakers cyst! Whatever that is?!!

Anyway, been waiting an hour to be seen and the Guvnor is getting a tad grumpy!!

Oiiiiii Nuuuuuuurrrsssee!!........ :0)

Well Mrs D, flushed with the success of yesterday's ramble I find myself on the earlier train for today's round...

I woke myself up from a dream! It was a work dream (which always makes me feel cheated anyway) but as if that wasn't bad enough, it had a fruit machine in it...Right there on a garage forecourt when we stopped for petrol! I didn't recognise the 'game' which is odd as there can't be many I don't know but it was an old school one with real flashing lights & no graphics! @ first I was incredulous & instinct told me I must report this finding to everyone of you to make sure no-one got caught out but then I found myself staring longingly @ it! It's old so it must only be a 10p one, which is cool, obviously, I can't play it now coz I'm working but I'll pop back later & chuck in a few quid said the devil on my shoulder! Ah, but then I'd have to reset my counter said the Angel! Tut! & then I moved back to the old conundrum of what would require a counter reset...My poison was the FOBT's & that's what I came here to give up so since it's not one of those, I wouldn't need to reset! If I went to Las Vegas I would have to have a flutter & that couldn't count! I stopped short of the scream but enough was enough & I jolted myself awake! I know I'm @ a danger point in my recovery (thanks Suzanne for keeping me on my toes) & although I'm sure Freud would have something to say about the fact I happened across the opportunity when in fact my triangle was broken, I don't have to be happy about it! & for the record, playing their 'slots' was the worse part of my trip when I went to Las Vegas before so not that I would book one there by choice, if I ended up there, say @ a Gamcare convention, I know I would be safe!

I'm not happy that yesterday was a bad day for a couple of soldiers & I'm still reeling from the 'disappearance' of someone I really related to & cared about so today, I am more determined than ever! Mr Gamble, go to hell!