This thread will be my diary and a witness of my strong determination to completely recover from gambling addiction.
GUILT and SHAME: A PhD gambler
Two hours ago, I lost $1200+ in playing slot machines in a casino that is an hour drive from my apartment. This loss adds up to my debt that is already at $17,000. It is really shameful on my part because I have PhD beside my name, and I am aware that gambling will not do any good because the chances of winning are slim especially in slots.
In this day, I will promise not to engage with any forms of gambling. In exchange of this pesky habit, I will socialize more with my friends, exercise a lot, and focus more on my career. Also, I will update this diary as often as possible to serve as testament of how serious I am to this promise as well as a reminder of the guilt and shame that I am feeling today.
Guys, your support will help me a lot to withstand any temptation that may stand along my way to recovery.
Hey!
I am afraid that addiction does not define us by what letters are after our name, I have a mere BA (HONS) beside mine and I understand where you are coming from, my parents were so so proud of me and I am full of shame but its the same shame as everyone else on this forum 🙁 Me and my husband have well paid jobs and yet we are in alot of debt and penniless. I am so early on in my recovery that I cant really preach to anyone but I would advise putting self exclusions in place - my addiction is online slots but I would advise you to put barriers in place to remove temptation from the local casinos.
Following a similar pattern to the rest us, the guilt you are feeling from losing $1200 a few hours ago may subside in a few days. Then our addicted brains will TRY to convince us that one more gamble will fix us, we will win and replace the losses, then, we will walk away....which is complete lies. We try again, we may win, or we lose but because we can not stop eventually we will lose it all...its a downwards spiral until we hit rock bottom.
All the very best to you for 2015! I hope you keep your promise and update your diary as promised 🙂
Mel
all the best gatekeeper
keep posting and helping each other on here
happy new year
Signing up to offer my support!
Not sure if the hour's drive is because that is your closest or you have already been self excluding from closer ones? But as Mel says, you have to put your blocks in place for when the despair passes & the addiction kicks you in the head & tells you this time it will be different, just one more gamble! Blocks that remove something from the Time-Money-Location triangle because as long as one is not present we are safe from gambling.
I assume you are from oversees & if it is America, I owe my recovery to your fellow Countrymen on the a Daily Strength website because bizarrely I did not find this one when I set out on my journey asking Dr Google "how do I control my gambling".
I'm not sure what the rules & regulations are in your part of the world but for me self excluding alone was not enough as there are simply hundreds of gambling holes (& more appearing daily) & I just travelled further & further to get to places I was not excluded from. I turned my bank card over to my partner & gave him access to all (probably double figures worth) my accounts/loans & credit cards so that I could not do major damage if I slipped. Humiliating is not the word especially when he forgot to leave me money & I had to ask or sort out food/drink to take into work or go without. Just occurred to me you didn't actually ask for advice so feel free to ignore this but no point deleting it if there's a chance that you may get something useful from it!
Happy 2015, may it bring you the strength you need to fulfill your promise to yourself - ODAAT
barney2909 wrote:
Hey!
I am afraid that addiction does not define us by what letters are after our name, I have a mere BA (HONS) beside mine and I understand where you are coming from, my parents were so so proud of me and I am full of shame but its the same shame as everyone else on this forum 🙁 Me and my husband have well paid jobs and yet we are in alot of debt and penniless. I am so early on in my recovery that I cant really preach to anyone but I would advise putting self exclusions in place - my addiction is online slots but I would advise you to put barriers in place to remove temptation from the local casinos.
Following a similar pattern to the rest us, the guilt you are feeling from losing $1200 a few hours ago may subside in a few days. Then our addicted brains will TRY to convince us that one more gamble will fix us, we will win and replace the losses, then, we will walk away....which is complete lies. We try again, we may win, or we lose but because we can not stop eventually we will lose it all...its a downwards spiral until we hit rock bottom.
All the very best to you for 2015! I hope you keep your promise and update your diary as promised 🙂
Mel
Hi Mel, what you said is actually true. All those excuses told by our addicted brains in order for us to continue gambling are true as I experienced them all the time whenever I have that urge to gamble. I realized that to successfully fight these urges, I always should think of what will happen after I gambled and remember those feeling of shame, guilt, and disappointment whenever I leave the casino. Thank you for your response, and I will hold on to my promise of updating this thread of my progress. Happy new year! -Joel
triangle wrote:
all the best gatekeeper
keep posting and helping each other on here
happy new year
Hello! Thanks for the response. I will keep posting and will definitely help other people who are also recovering from their gambling addiction. Happy new year! We can do this. 🙂
ODAAT wrote:
Signing up to offer my support!
Not sure if the hour's drive is because that is your closest or you have already been self excluding from closer ones? But as Mel says, you have to put your blocks in place for when the despair passes & the addiction kicks you in the head & tells you this time it will be different, just one more gamble! Blocks that remove something from the Time-Money-Location triangle because as long as one is not present we are safe from gambling.
I assume you are from oversees & if it is America, I owe my recovery to your fellow Countrymen on the a Daily Strength website because bizarrely I did not find this one when I set out on my journey asking Dr Google "how do I control my gambling".
I'm not sure what the rules & regulations are in your part of the world but for me self excluding alone was not enough as there are simply hundreds of gambling holes (& more appearing daily) & I just travelled further & further to get to places I was not excluded from. I turned my bank card over to my partner & gave him access to all (probably double figures worth) my accounts/loans & credit cards so that I could not do major damage if I slipped. Humiliating is not the word especially when he forgot to leave me money & I had to ask or sort out food/drink to take into work or go without. Just occurred to me you didn't actually ask for advice so feel free to ignore this but no point deleting it if there's a chance that you may get something useful from it!
Happy 2015, may it bring you the strength you need to fulfill your promise to yourself - ODAAT
Hi ODAAT! There are three casinos that are all one-hour away from my apartment so it is really tempting to go to any one of them. I really like the idea of removing one element from that Time-Money-Location as those are key factors why we gamble. I already made it to 100+ days of not gambling, and there was a relapse when there was a casino that open in this place where I went for vacation last month. What I told myself to just checked the freebies turned out to a full-blown gambling again in their slots. This is why I am here starting all over again. I think I can stay gambling-free way way longer than 100+ days. Happy new year, Odaat!
Day 3
The first two days are easy for me as I was busy for the new year celebration. Me and my friend went to San Francisco to celebrate the start of 2015 and went hiking as well in the bay area. There were some urges and thoughts of gambling along the way, but I have been in these situations before where gambling thoughts surrounds my brain. I immediately stop these thoughts by talking to my friend and taking pictures of the beautiful scenery the entire time. I got my paycheck yesterday; and I'll be paying my bills today, which is way ahead of their deadlines.
HOW DID MY GAMBLING START?
My gambling started on April, 2013. I told a friend of mine to go to a casino because I have not been to casinos. Although he told me that I could get addicted, my insistence led us to checking several casinos. We only spent $10 to play on some slots and of course we blew that amount away but we were happy because of that feeling when you are winning. After this casino visit, I found myself going to different casinos in the area by myself. My losses started from $20 per visit; and after several months of gambling losing between hundreds and a thousand dollar become typical for me.
LESSON LEARNED: Do not ever try gambling especially if you can get easily addicted to something.
Happy new year, guys! Keep fighting!
Happy new year, guys! 🙂
NT wrote:
Why not focus your addictions to somewhere else?
Running? Art? Or something that interests you?
NT
Hi NT! That's definitely a good suggestion. I am diverting my attention to something productive like reading books and yes, running/exercise!
Day 4
This day started slow as I just spent almost the entire day sleeping-- maybe because of the jetlag. A lot of gambling urges. However, I was able to contain them by cleaning my room instead. I also started reading a book "Investing" and so happy that I learned new stuff about making your money worked for you. Got some ideas that I can use to invest some of my money in the bank, which is better than having them go to Casinos. Last night, I calculated my net worth by adding the money in my banks, cash, and debts; and I learned that my net worth is still high. Something that gave me an extra push not to gamble those money.
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