My Diary - small steps to recovery

Well done mo,

Suzanne xxx

Blown it, hate myself.....why do we put ourselves through this. I will take strength from this sleepless night and forge forward to get back to GF....one night of madness!

Mo

...and so it continued caught in a cycle of online slots. Been here before, fought it and gained GF life til downward spiral again. So easy to get trapped once again. I need to be strong, know I cannot win back what I lost and get back to being GF as this is destroying my life.

Mo

Sorry to hear it but it won't change until you change it. That doesn't mean going it alone with chocolate fire guard type will power, it means systematically putting blocks and barriers in place and systematically getting support so that just for today, you won't place the first bet. Start with the helpline?

CW

Help

Can't stop

Downward spiral

Why why why

Once a CG always a CG

No way out

There absolutely is a way out but it's not by popping on here when you're broke. Yes, once we cross over from social to compulsive, we've lost control & we're always compulsive but with the right help, it can be arrested.

Get some sleep now, then in the morning, call the helpline to book some counselling, find a GA meeting & get proper blocks in place. Will power only works in conjunction with fixing ourselves. I can't tell you why but with some help, you can figure it out & learn ways to avoid your triggers - ODAAT

Not helpful or not what you wanted to hear? I'm not entirely sure what was not supportive about my post, although I appreciate I wasn't suggesting you stick a plaster over an internal bleed.

No amount of TLC will make addiction go away...Only you can make the changes that you need to make to fix this - ODAAT

Hi Mo,

You sound like you are struggling a lot at present. Maybe read back your diary. You have managed long stretches of time gamble free and you can do this again. One step at a time. You don't have to start from scratch. Continue where you were before and as others said before, there is a lot of help and support for you. Do contact us on the Helpline or Netline and we can talk through the support which is available to you.

Relapsing can feel very disheartening. It's a learning curve though. And you can take what you learned so far when things were going better and put it into practice again. You are gaining much support here and sometimes words might sound strong when you feel like you are immobilised by your gambling problem.

Take courage, Mo and find that place within yourself again, the determination and the strength. I am sure that it is still there...

Kind wishes

Gabriele

So sensible head on at last, not before time and pity I couldn't do it 3 hours ago as another big loss....main thing is I've now closed down account that cannot be reopened and start afresh in my quest for a gamble free life. I have done it before and CAN and WILL do it again.

Small steps, one day at a time

Mo

.....and so I waken up to reality that the last nightmare month is over ......how could I be so drawn in again to online slots......why could I not STOP before I had lost so much.......I cannot dwell on amounts as I know only too well that you can't chase losses.....you need to set them aside which I have done. I am fortunate in that I am able to cover the immense losses from savings but I'm struggling to get the figures out my mind ....what I could have done with that money!! Today is a new day.....a new beginning.....a gamble free life lies ahead......last month is gone......a massive learning experience that I know I can never relapse again as I have no boundaries once drawn in to online slots. I feel relief that I have closed account and can start again wuthout thinking of my next spin....win....then immense loss.

Small steps, one day at a time

Mo