My Diary - small steps to recovery

Hi Mo,

14 days without gambling, I hope that wherever you are it has now become 20 days. There are many challenges that we face that are the same, but equally there are differences too. Your vice was slots, mine video poker. Either way, the money wasted on gambling is better kept in somewhere it can do much better, in our pockets.

All the best

Ryan

Thanks Ryan for the post. Been doing Mr b's xmas challenge and am now 41 days gamble free -- small steps one day at a time

Mo

Well done mate...this is a tricky addiction and progress can be slow, but 41 days is a good chunk of time since the last bet, and that is definitely 41 days of travel in the right direction.

Keep it up pal,

Ryan

Thanks for post Ryan.

Have now passed the 50 day milestone gamble free from those online slots.....feeling good...small steps at a time.....determined never to be drawn in again but......urges still there so keeping them at bay. Also being involved in Mr B's challenge is helping and supporting my recovery .....the best xmas present ever will be for us all to be gamble free

Mo

MO of course i remember you as you named me lifeswinner and for that i will never forget you. I am so pleased you are almost 60 days wowowowowowow. You are so strong and im thankful for your post again on my diary, you make me stronger. Today tomorrow next week i will not gamble. Thank you for being there for me and wishing me success. This time i want it for real i really do and i will gift my self happiness. I really am determined this time i wont let this ruin my life anymore Ive had enough of it. Will chat tomorrow as today taking family all swimming weeeee..

Im happy CL

Mo morning i am putting an entry to your diary so you are on the first page and to let you know im thinking of you.

BTW in honor of you i have changed my name xx

LW

Hi Mo,

Hope you're still doing alright on your journey mate...passing 50 days is a big marker, although by know you should be back 60 too...at least I hope so.

All the best

Ryan

Thanks Life'sWinner 🙂 your post means the world to me, to know that I've helped you gives me hope for myself. Keep going you have a wonderful life ahead of you with your wife and baby. X

Ryan, had a 1 day relapse week before last but thanks to Mr B's Challenge and Life'sWinner I got back on track right away and put measures in place to stop further relapse. Determined to keep going.

Mo

Hi Mo

Just wanted to say well done for getting right back on track and putting extra measures in place - they really do act as good barriers, the more of them we put in place.

Take care, stay strong and have a lovely weekend.

Feb.

Why do I never learn.........lapsed again big time after over a month Of being gamble free, asking to rejoin Mr B's xmas challenge and now over the last couple of days I have totally blown it. I went to great lengths to open an account on a site I had shut earlier this year. Why oh why did I not come on and read my dairy instead of opening new site. So here we go again, hide the massive losses of that couple days 600..... Yes 600 on online slots, 2 a spin and on and on the reels go round, kept chasing my losses, which started off 100 by time I stopped chasing 600 and even now I want to log in and try one last 50 to see if I can get some back!!!! I need to get a grip, get back on track, keep this diary and try to find something to fill the huge gap in my lifestyle changes over the last year. I will start one small step at a time ........here goes!!!!!!

Well what did I do......I thought I've lost so much 600 that I would try chasing my losses with 100, deposited and first time all evening reels in my favour.....heart was pounding as I got it to to 300..,,back towards 300... Down again then over 300 so immediately withdrew 300 and started playing with 20 odds left...lost so once again withdrew 50 and I kept winning.....all the way to 700 so got all my money back. Someone was looking out for me and I believe it's because I came on this site and my heart was so heavy with the way I let things go tonight. I have now been given a 2nd chance and that's me, once monies through I will close down account and shut down paypal which is only way I can get funds. I will beat this terrible affliction with positive attitude, logging on here to keep this diary up to date and not gambling.

Small steps at a time always

No sleep last night, eventually after 8am got a few fitful hours. Woke up to the reality of what happened yesterday........risking 700 and at one point down over 600 and while I am so relieved I broke even a big part of me is struggling to cope. Last night proved again I'm a CG with no boundaries. Playing a 2 slot online, sometimes winning less than the stake but at other times paying 444 in one go plays with your mind. Why did I play again......I have health issues that stop me living a normal life. They impact on my day to day living ie can't take up normal hobbies but to sink this low.......next time how far would I go......1k then 2 then before I know it I'll have blown all the lump sum we have to do us all our life's. I cannot allow that to happen. I know I cannot win against a machine, a software program. I need to channel my energies elsewhere during the night when I cannot sleep so I don't resort to gambling . My OH would be devastated if he knew what I have been doing, I have total control of all our money so can't let him down.

As soon as monies are transferred I will close down accounts and that is that this time and for ever more. I will not let it beat me.......small steps ine at a time.

Mo

Day 1 .....new beginning. Don't know why the last few weeks so rocky but it really showed me how easy it is to slip into old ways.....ashamed of myself......lost respect for myself as well as 's......far too much. My only saving grace is it's from savings so no debt but the things I could have done with the money. I am a compulsive gambler therefore found a way around accounts being closed but took big step today to shut account even though I know a substantial bonus due next week but I weighed it up and thought if I leave account open I'll just keep playing every night, spending spiralled out of control from 30 a night up to 600 and still at no point was I getting any back. Well it's over, I know I've said this before but this time it is. Healthy eating and living start now - 14 weeks to xmas and gamble free new year when I will then rejoin Mr B's challenge for next year as I don't feel I deserve a place there just now as have been back and forth all year. When I rejoin it'll be 2015 and I aim to be in week 15 of gamble free. I cannot allow my life to continue the way it's been......I need to try to get on with things within my limitations and take one day at a time.

Mo

Day 2 - healthy living, healthy eating and gamble free. No words can describe what I'm feeling right now after my relapse. I've said it before but this time I will really try to keep to my word and get back on the straight and narrow, gamble free life.

Mo

Hi Mo,

Bouncing back from the relapse is one of the toughest parts of recovery. Guilt, shame, despair and panic all seemed to vie for my attention when I reached the morning after.

Healthy living and eating will pay dividends in the long run, though it's taken me a long time to realize that.

Stay on that straight and narrow!

Ryan

Thanks for your positive comment Ryan. This is day 6 of gamble free living. Still trying to eat healthier too. I have been reading other posts for inspiration - still can't believe how I've been drawn in over the last year though I can understand within myself why I have done it. It's a new beginning and I'm not going back there. It'll be difficult but I need to keep reminding myself of the consequences of gambling.

Mo