My first diary!

Hi Flagg,

Well done on taking the first steps in your recovery.

For some its easy to begin with then gets tough,for others its tough then gets easier,others its tough all the way through and so on.

If youve already handed over your finances next step is to self exclude from anywhere you gamble,bookies,online etc.

Keep posting on your diary and reading others as they really are a good tool in your recovery,as we all understand what your going through and will be there to support you good or bad.

Good luck on your journey.

Stay Strong

E xx

M.

well done in making your first steps toward arresting your addiction. In answer to your question I would say it depends whether your glass is half empty or half full. And for myself I try to look at life through the half full glass,so try to see a positive in all things,and through this forum i have found many find some instant relief in there confession to being a compulsive gambler and there is a sort of honeymoon period after this confession were abstaining from gambling becomes a new challange, and it comes as an instant relief,in conclusion this is just the start,fact you by abstaining from gambling give yourself a 100% payrise and by removing the "Gambling goggles"all compulsive gamblers wear life will improve. I use the triangle TIME-MONEY-LOCATION and in recovery i will continue to take at least one away meaning I cant have a punt!! giving me a chance to re-wire my addled brain.

I wish you well in your journey

Duncs compulsive gambler 77days NO BET

Hi flagg

Welcome , I flew through my first few months then bang never saw it comin second time was much harder but given the choice I would do it the hard way resisting the urges is tough when u do though the feeling of strength it gives u is amazing and that prepares u for the next time , just take it one day at a time read others diaries and see how people's lives av changed and also the support they receive , making the right choices u can beat this disease

I wish u all the best

Castle2

Flagg hello my friend! It's good Youv relinquished control of yr finances! We cannot all do that but I was able to! We are compulsive gamblers and basically cannot be trusted with money! I feel better for not having hundreds of pounds in my pocket no chance to stick £30 in a fruity or £200 a day in the you know where's! Make sure you hand over yr passport also! That's another way of drawing cash! My wife loves her holidays and although Id sooner be paying of my debts on the other hand my family shouldn't be the ones missing out! I have £260 plus Ot a month to last on now instead of £920 I pay off £660 debts. Massive I know but in 21 months time my family will be back to having £600 a month! No way could I handle having cash of that amount again and don't want to! Think positive mate! And stay strong!

Hi all, thanks for the messages of advice and encouragement! I have been reading many stories on here some quite inspirational and others just highlighting how hard this is going to be! This is my 3rd day and it's not going well at all! Been a bad morning at work, received our annual review summary and my annual bonus isn't what I expected/deserved! I guess when I actually receive it next month the less I have the less I can potentially lose but it's still a proper kick in the teeth! I've been here since August 2010 and I've come in on days where I really should have stayed home but today I just want to go home and bury my head in the sand! On the plus side I havnt been and gambled but it's only 10.15 and I'm v frustrated which I think is my main trigger! I'm determined to see it out and I hope I'll be back tommorrow clean and on day 4! Frustrated but determined! Flagg!

Hi,

Your doing really well, don't let this disappointment send you in the wrong direction.

Tough days at work are hard and i used to come home and gamble to make me feel better BUT it never did only ever made things worse.

Think positive that you are not going to gamble this bonus and do something positive with it instead.

Keep your chin up, you can do this 🙂

One day at a time

Lucy

Hi again,

Question for people! This sounds crazy but am I right in thinking I should let my partner go and away from this mess? She wants to help but she doesn't hide emotion particularly well and I can tell as hard as this is for me she is desperately struggling! I can imagine her at work not being able to concentrate and wondering what I might be doing! I understand, I think I would be the same but it's not fair on her at all! I've considered making something up that makes her go like I'm seeing someone else but I can't do that it would hurt her even more and I want more than anything for her not to Hurt! She is wonderfully loyal and I know she doesnt want to go but I can't help thinking she should! it's going to be a long hard road and as much as I might need support I don't want to drag someone along with me!

Hi Flagg,

I wanted to say hello and hopefully we can post one another as we go along.

I understand where you are coming from with your girlfriend. I have lied to my girlfriend by telling her that I don't gamble anymore many times and have then had to tell her, when I had no money left. She has struggled in the past with trying to understand why I keep going back for more. I have been living at my parents for nearly three months now, as we needed our own space. I think she still loves me and wants me to go back at some point but only when I have my gambling under control. I would suggest if you could give yourselves some space too? It really proves to them that you are determined to get your addiction under control. Does she already know you have a diary set up on here?

We are starting out our recovery process, at the moment you feel low, rotten, not worthy but while you have been gambling, you haven't been your old self. I would suggest you really try your hardest not to bet again. Post on here every day, put some space between you for a little while, just so that you can have a break and importantly, so you can get your head straight but I wouldn't leave her. Imagine yourself in another 2-4 weeks time, your old self will start to return and both of you will start feeling happier again.

Maybe show her that your money is going into a savings account or that you are handing it to your parents to look after? I even transferred large sums to my girlfriend, just to help her piece of mind each day, when she wasn't around me.

I went 45 days without a bet up until last Wednesday when I unfortunately relapsed, so I am determined myself to remain gamble free every day again because I have already seen the old Andrew appear from the mist.

Keep your chin up, you are a worthy person and your girlfriend will see that in the end. Just stop gambling, talk to her when you feel weak and have urges, she will start to understand.

Wilsy

Hi Flagg

If this is how you feel why dont you ask the most important person.........your partner.

Explain to her how you feel and let it be her choice to walk away if thats what she wants.

I understand how you feel but if you talk to each other it will help instead of trying to second guess each other.

Stay Strong

E xx

Wow, my sister was flicking through the tv channels and ** *** news was on I had not got a clue who was playing tonight! It felt nice to not have any remote interest in the nights fixtures! Best feeling of the day!

Without being a compulsive gambler, would you want to leave your partner? That is the real question. Or are you just using the excuse to ditch your partnter as an excuse to gamble without retrictions?

It's a fair question and I immediately asked myself but I do want to beat this and regain my old life I'm

Just not sure whether I should be putting her through it too! However, I guess if she wants to stay and help I should be more than thankful and happy for that!

Hi Flagg

As someome who is in the same position as your girlfriend if she is like I was and still am she will want more than anything for you to stay together and come through this together if she didn't she would have left my now. Be assured that she will still be able to see the you before all this is she couldn't again she would have gone. She is probably just as scared about this as you are but if she is willing to stay and support you you should accept that help. If you struggle to be open with each other invite her to read your diary and maybe suggest she writes one for you to read.

If you want her to be part of your future let her support you now. If you can get through this together you will be able to get through anything.

Morning All,

Thanks for the various messages yday! I'm not usually one to take advice (prob why my situation is as it is) but its reassuring that people seem to care and offer a neutral perspective!

Well yesterday was rubbish totally rubbish! However, I got through a really cr** day without gambling mayb that's part to do with not having the funds but if I really wanted to I could have accessed money! I'm v pleased with myself, I actually woke this morning in a decent mood! I'm still really hacked off with work after yday but I remain proud of myself for ydays minor achievement! Day 4 today and I'm extremely confident I'll get through today without any problems can't be any worse than yday! Confident & Determined!