My first diary!

Hi Flagg

Day 74 , go Flagg!

A week off and still knackered , poor you

Hopefully your next break you will decide to get away from it all

Hindsight , emmmmmm yeah , would we be here?

Keep Strong Flagg, those days are really adding up!

Smiling Lucy

Good Afternoon,

Day 75 - Been a busy one so far back in work today! Came In for a specific meeting and glad I did really as it directly affects my day to day role and could ultimately lead to a secondment/promotion in the next 12 months so def some positives there!

It's been a pretty miserable week and I've kinda just updated my diary been generally negative and not posted much to others! It's all about frame of mind and I find it hard to post to others sometimes when my diary is clearly quite negative! It's something I need to work on I guess!

Last night was GA meeting number 10 so edging closer to that 90 days which is basically the first GA milestone! Reading through some literature and speaking to a member or a while was quite helpful and helped me a little understand why I'm currently struggling quite badly! It talks about no shortcuts to recovery and that is so true! Ultimately we are doing the right thing but it might take our brain quite some time to realise that is the case!

I came out of me meeting last night thinking stick with it and you will feel better but on the flip side it hit home that I won't be feeling better tomo or next week, this is a long hard struggle! At the moment I'm doing some of it really well and some it really badly! It's a tough one for me to work through as I know I will get better but it's going to take time and much more time than I really thought it would! It's not really sink or swim its sink or float along for a period of time and then one day you will be strong enough to swim again!

I'm not the only one tho I read other diaries and see the ever changing moods, the day to day struggle and I guess this site and GA are great because effectively we are all the same, all fighting the same fight, all trying to piece our lives back together!

Day 75 - In it for the Long Haul

Hiya Flagg....

im the wrong side of 40 (45 tbh) but from where I was 6 months ago its like time has scrolled back with weights lifted off...

Gonna call you on the "negative" try not to be too hard on yourself there.....its not really negative ... just how you feel on the day,hour etc which can change at any time.

This too shall Pass

Enjoy the even keel days and let us hold you up on the downtimes...

Keep posting ...the good ,the bad and the ugly...we have all been there and will go there again but the turnaround time will be shorter.

My mood can shift hourly so dont feel you have to be "up' all the time...and there are no short cuts....whatever was stuffed down will now come up but the difference is ...your no longer alone..

keep posting Flagg

Rach and Doo xxx

Good morning (just)

I think you are right in what you are saying, almost everyone on this site has gone through the same struggle you are at the moment.

Is it because we take away what we thought was the biggest problem we had (compulsive gambling), start repairing the damage it caused , believing that by doing so we will turn our lives around and everything will be so much better. Only to find that we have other issues that rise to the surface. Issues that we never faced head on but used gambling to escape them.

I suppose it can turn recovery into an anti climax and produce new struggles now everything is laid bare.

For myself I realised that for me to move forward in my recovery that I had to change the way I thought about things and change some of the behaviours I had adopted. This I found and still find very draining. It took me over 40 years to become this way, it would be impossible for me to change my whole being in a month or two.Sometimes saying to myself, life should not be this difficult.

I hope that I am right in saying that this is just part of the journey for you, and that with in time you will get through this tunnel and come out stronger and happier on the other side.

I want to finish by letting you know that you have had an enormous impact on my recovery. Your posts you have sent me regarding turning what ever has P***** me off from a negative to seeing the positive has really made me evaluate what is happening in my life differently. For that I can not thank you enough.

I wish you well my friend, you are right in that it is a long haul, but I have no doubt that we look back in years to come we will be certain that it was worth it.

Take care

Dusty xxxxx

Good Afternoon,

Day 76 - First and foremost thank you for the posts of encouragement and clarity! I can at times find the words and wisdom necessary to help and support others! The thing is fog is far easier to lift when a third party is underneath it! When it is your good self underneath there seems to be many layers to the fog and the light is temporary, a bit like sun in England!

When I have a moment of clarity I clearly understand my own fog is no thicker than the next person and I can prob break through by doing the same things I suggest other people do! Rach, Dusty thanks for helping lift the fog I want to see permanent light and not just a temporary fix! It's the support of people close at hand that can help make that happen!

Right, today is my dad's 50th and it's going to be a crazy afternoon/evening with lots of laughs and good people! A fog lifting kinda day really!

I have said so many times lately I will catch up with others diaries soon and I still hope to be back supporting and encouraging very soon! I do keep track of others for a boost even when I'm not actively posting!

Day 76 - A Fog Lifter

Hello World,

Day 77 - Well yesterday was pretty good dad celebrated his 50th and it was a great turnout for the old sod lol! Got home and was super tired I'm not a drinker so just having a few sent me into a pit of great fatigue! Was nice to wake up tho with no hangover I ache tho, I ache a lot that's more to do with the 3 hours of football we played as part of the bday celebrations! I shouldn't ache I play footy loads but the season has ended and since I've stopped gambling I've lacked motivation, and drive so I havnt been exercising! I've mentioned all this before but today I'm suffering because of it! Maybe these aches will form the motivation needed to exercise again!

Today is a continuation of yesterday out for a family bday meal slightly more civilized than last night! I guess the biggest positive of all is that I was able to be there yesterday and be there today with not one single gambling thought! It's amazing really as not so long ago I would have still got plenty of bets on yesterday and today despite it being such a big family day! I said yesterday I needed to lift the fog and I guess moments like this really show that altho it's not an easy road to recovery it is the necessary road and the correct road! I will try to bear that in mind on my next down day!!

Day 77 - 11 weeks!

77 days is amazing.

The events that you experienced yesterday really do show that there really is life after gambling.

So why gamble?!

Keep it up.

NT

HI Flagg,

Thanks so much for the post, today i choose to be as happy as I want to be and yes your right again today i take some more little bits of the weekend and store them in my memory bank to keep me warm in the week.

Great to see you had such a lovely time with the family, its those days I cherish the most now.

As afar as the exercise goes my doggie is keeping me fit, the running went out the window for me, but then a doggie is a drastic solution lol.

Enjoy your week flagg, take care.

Blondie 🙂

Hello,

Quick dip on the diaries , as I take a break from my latest drama at work .

And what happened, there was the fairy sitting there mulling over what cause of action needed to take place to resolve yet another incident in one of the units, (relentless springs to mind)

Opened your post and laughed so loud at Pong Pong, someone came into my office to see if I was ok.

I needed that . Thank you kind Sir.

Also made me happy that you seem back to your old or young self (delete as appropriate) he he.

I think your dad should have 2 birthdays a year like the queen , they obviously cheer you up no end.

So looking forward to your posts ( no pressure there then )

Hugs

Dusty xxxxxx

Good Morning Diary,

Day 78 - Hoping to sneak this post in before 12 I don't think I've done a morning post for a few days! Strange feeling today quite tired but in a good mood and managed to get round a few diaries this morning with a little Inspiration at hand! Dusty, Blondie thanks both for your posts I never tire reading your individual journeys you are both a great credit to this site! Maybe that praise should be written on your own diaries actually!

The weekend was over far too quickly but that's the sign of a good one isn't it? Even on a special occasion like the weekend I would have def found time to gamble and prob skimped on a present or felt cr** about spending money during the outings! It was nice to not be self absorbed and in gambling mode and it was also nice to be a bit carefree with money in a completely different way!

The negativity which has ruled recently is certainly on the back burner I know it's there but I want to have a few positive days blow away some cobwebs and mayb smile a little! I know I will prob come in for some abuse for my next comment but thank heavens England are out! The flags can go away, the hooligans can go home, and the media can concentrate on more important matters like supporting Spain!!

Right on that note I'll continue with my work and await the torrent of hatred for my anti England comment!

Have a happy monday all!

Day 78 - Pong Pong

lol.....supporting Spain....

had to laugh at that Flagg...no torrent from me as this is probably the first match I have ever watched in its entirety.. ...but I did get a tad bored with extra time and had to put the kettle on..

Also loving your Ping Pong info....lol....Dusty suggested I have a read and I did have a chuckle too so thank you for that.

Great to see you at 78 days and counting ...keep on keeping on Flagg....

take care

Rachel x

Yo,

I could not possibly go to sleep tonight without telling you that I relayed the Pong Pong story to well a least 5 of my work colledges today and everyone laughed and then would say pong pong every time they passed me.

I was beginning to think that maybe I had put just a touch too much of my oder de toilet on.lol

See how far your tendrils reach my friend, bringing a smile not only to the partispants of this wonderful site but beyond.

Dusty xxxxxxx

Good Day,

Day 79 - Consecutive morning posts sign that work isn't too busy or a sign that im not working very hard I guess it's up to me to ultimately decide! I feel I turned a mini corner over the weekend I have a bit of life in me this week, a bit of vigor, a bit of fight! I'm not sure where the corner will lead I can see lots of one ways, c*l de sacs, and dead ends but I also know there are many open spaces out there too and that's the direction I want to head in!

I was also glad yesterday to only get positive posts I felt my anti England comment would draw High criticism but obviously people just thought we won't rise to the bait of the cynical sod lol! Rach, Dusty thanks for the responses and I'm glad my little tale kept you mildly amused! People who know me will tell you I have a knack for making the unbelievable believable! I guess as a CG it was something I got too good at!

I guess the lesson for me is to only use this vivid imagination for fun and not for hurt! I'm 79 days Into living my own lesson!

Day 79 - Forever Learning!

79 Days, wow flagg brilliant !!!!

I have got lots of the G.A literature I read a "just for today most mornings". I have had a look at the beyond 90 days but to be honest i never thought i would make the first 90 days but each day i beleive i can even more. I havent made G.A for the last 2 weeks as work is just ridiculous at the moment and im not home most nights till 7.30 but ive been going to the on line ones and am on a mission to make it this thursday.

I wonder sometimes if people read my diary and think shut the f**k up lol, as i know its been quite positive, ive always been a half full person really i just lost my way somewhere along the line and now i feel like im finding it again. I suppose now im coming to terms with my dads death this has given me a new vigour to grab life by the short and curlies and get on with it.

Every day isnt a good day, but each day is getting just that little bit brighter.

Enjoy the rest of your day flagg. Take care.

Blondie

Hey flagg I took only positive as always from your post my friend I always appreciate your help support and advice. Thank you x