My first diary!

Hi Flagg

It's great to see that everything seems to falling into place with regards to gambling , why and how is now turning to won't and never will , I can see the thought that goes into every post whether it be on ur diary or others u support so much , ur so appreciated on this site

Castle2

Good Morning,

Day 24 - struggled to get up again this morning! It's becoming a common theme at the moment! Sounds crazy but I've got no problem waking up it's the gettingi out of bed I'm struggling with!

I still make it to work so it's not a massive issue but it's just quite unlike me I like getting up usually! I also feel v tired at the moment, not physical exhaustion but total psychological fatigue! Is this related to living a life of lies for so many years! Is my brain deciding it needs a prolonged rest?

As for the biggest issue, no gambling, no real thoughts too be honest but I just can't seem to shake this everyday feeling of tiredness! Feel like I'm plodding when I feel I should be running! Prob doesn't help that I've picked up a couple of footy injuries the last couple of weeks so I can't really exercise after work which I think I want to do!

Apologies for the slight downer today but I think I'm looking for some clarity and it's really lacking at moment! I guess the bright side to all of it is my money is safe still for the month! It's been a while since ive reached the 2nd day of a month and not been panicking about cash!

Day 24 - Come Clarity!

Yo,

Just wanted to say, not that I am by anyway an expect, cause honestly I am just as broken as the rest of my fellow posters.

But over the last year or so have followed quite a few journeys on here and there really is a common theme that after the uforia ( do not know how to spell that.) that one has given up gambling and has now taken the life changing decision to change their lives. That it turns into a bit of an anti climax. Sort of thinking that life is going to improve soooooooo much, but in reality life goes on and as we know it is not a bed of roses . So instead of escaping life through gambling, life now has to be lived good or bad. Is this tireing, is it just the brain needing a rest? I lost all motivation to do anything, and I have read the same from other people.

Even today I still struggle , to get up at times and get on. Feel myself time and time again saying , I really can not be bothered, to do this or that.

So in my option , for what it worth I think you are just going through recovery , keep going and the motivation will return eventually. ( To be honest the alternative does not bare thinking about, lets not forget that tattoo on both our hearts)

So give yourself a break, 24 days is fantastic , if I had said to you 2 dozen ( I was determined to get that in some where) days ago , that hay you have the strength to stop gambling, but in doing so you may feel a bit more tired than usual , is it worth it. You my friend would have said bet your bottom dollar lol.

Wow how long is this post, hope you had the energy to get to the end !

Hugs

Your friend as always

Dusty xxx

Flagg.

Fella normal life is full of ups and downs but our life as compulsive gamblers will always be made greater by that choice NO BET TODAY. You keep making that choice the right one.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Flagg

Hope the heels didn't drag for too long today and you started to feel a little better !

Thanks for your post , hard to see the good in oneself when you have been trodden down for so long .

I'm sure there are positives somewhere around for you today and I know you will find them if you look hard enough!

Keep strong

Lucy

Hey Diary,

Day 25 - At Alton Towers today so not had great amount of time to post and certainly not had time to be down in the dumps like yesterday! No gambling urges or thoughts and GA meeting tonight so all in all not a bad Thursday! In addition the weekend is almost here so can't complain today!

Hope everyone is also remaining bet free today!

Day 25 - Busy in a good way!

Yo,

Hope it is not raining. Wouldn't fancy being on a ride in the rain. To be honest wouldn't fancy being on a ride in the sunshine , I am such a wosssssssssssss

You sound happy today, so that has made me happy.

Great that you managed to turn that frown upside down within a day!!!

Enjoy the rest of the day, feel free to eat a choc chip ice cream on my behalf. Just remember to wipe your chin before your meeting tonight.Lol

Hugs

Dusty xx

Thanks Flagg as always!

Numbers !

Unfortunatly i think we constantly think of these as i know i would be always counting the cost of yet another loss but now i see them as positives because when i put numbers on my diary it is too say another day added!

Your not always miserable lol and many posts have lots of positives.

We cannot always feel bright and chirpy, i know i,m not everyday but also know i will try to find something good out of the day even if it's just one thing.

Things will become brighter as your bet free journey continues

Have a great day

Lucy

Hello Friday,

Day 26 - I had a good day yesterday, day off work nice day out and a good GA meeting last night yet I went to bed totally miserable I think it just highlights how irrational and unpredictable my mind is at the moment!

I mentioned the other day this tiredness thing where I don't really want to do a great deal, I can't work out whether it's just work or everything that's causing this general downer! I keep saying I want a period of time where it's not too complicated and I can just function day to day but is that just a bit unrealistic and a tad selfish?

I guess really its a shout out question does anyone have an opinion? Im tempted to take a few days off work but I can't work out whether that's a good idea I'll just basically potter around at home and recuperate! However, I'm not sure I need to recuperate, maybe I just need a sharp jab between the eyes and to be told to snap out of it!

As for the positives I wrote on Castle's thread last night that despite the daily cr** we get thrown at us our biggest battle and hurdle is to remain gamble free! That one I am managing so good news!!

Day 26 - Question Time!

Hi Flagg,

Sorry to see you are still feeling a tad low 🙁

Your posts to others are still really positive, thanks for mine , this shows it's in there somewhere waiting to emerge 🙂

I don't have the answer, i took a few days off when it got like this but had lots to sort , then when i have nothing to do the urges start a coming so i'm no bloody help lol

Your main positive is that you are remaining gamble free and for that a huge WELL DONE!

Only you can make the jab and snap yourself out of it, it has to be you that wants to change the way you feel but i will support you anyway i can.

I do know that this will pass in time, as you know i'am like a bloody rollercoaster lol

Sorry i could not give you the answer you are looking for

For now Keep Strong

Take Care

Lucy

Hi Flagg, thanks 4 ur kind words and support on my diary it means alot right now 🙂

Well done for staying strong, u should be really proud of urself!

Keep going, u can do this 🙂

I recently spoke to ara and then gamcare, I've never been on this site before and my last bet was today, I'm desperate for this painful cycle to stop as I have generated a stupid amount of debt in a very short period of time and feel like rubbish constantly chasing something I know I'm not going to achieve.

Could anyone inform me of how I start a diary?

Thanks

Pino,

Simply create an account on Gamcare and then you are able to start a diary.

I wish you all the best, this is quite simply the place to be for support and words of encouragement.

Flagg

Hi Flagg

Thanks again for ur support this journey is a real rollercoaster of a ride the ups and downs of each day never ceases to surprise but the one thing we can count on is each others support

U can always count on mine just as ur alway there for me with ur kind words always remember how u av helped others esp when u didn't av to so be proud of urself

Castle2

Afternoon,

Day 27 - not a great deal to say today I'm feeling good no gambling thoughts or urges and got a pretty busy day! Weekends are going well so far and they were actually what I was dreading most! Think I need to give work some thought as many of my negative posts are happening on week days!

Right hope everyone is well and enjoying their Saturday!

Day 27 - Satisfied!