My gambling and my obsessions just indicated how emotionally vulnerable I was. The gambling and obsessions were just the symptoms.

Hi

I have been attending recovery meetings since back in 1969.

Like most people I did not abstain from my unhealthy habit of gambling right away.

The person I feared facing the most was my self.

I could not give an honesty therapy because I was so confused lost and dissalusioned with my self.

I use to think that I loved gambling, I use to think that if I got loads on money I would be happy.

Sadly the addiction just indicated that I was escaping in my fears.

The truth was that I did not love gambling it was a form of escape from how I felt with in my self.

I use to feel threatened by people pushing religion and god on me.

I am a non religious person, yet I am a more spiritual person.

My healthy conscience is absed up on healthy spiritual values.

In time I went to meetings no matter when my last bet was.

I went to meeting to reduce my fears adn understand more about my self.

Only once my fears reduced only then I opened up to deeper and deeper therapies.

Each of us as we shared our emotional expereinces our fears reduced and our trust started to grow.

Once my fears were reduced I was then ready to go and see therapist and find more ehaling.

So for me only once I was more stable abstaining from unhealthy habits was I ready to heal the hurt inner child in me.

Today I understand that the pains I experienced in earlier years of my life caused fears in me that I did not understand.

I now understand that my anger and rage was my hurt inner child lashing out.

My anger and rage was an unhealthy reactions to my pains not healed.

My anger and rage was an unhealthy reactions to my fears not reduced, 

My anger and rage was an unhealthy reactions due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

By me having unreasonable expectations of people life and situations I was in effect causing my self fursther pains.

I understand that there is nothing I can do to change or ehal other people that has to be their own choice.

I understand that my unhealthy reactions I can change those.

I use to think and feel that asking for help was a sign of weakness. 

I now understand that asking for help was a sign of strength.

Asking some one to show me how to do some thing for my self was healthy.

Confidence and pride is about doing and saying healthy things for our self and others.

When we do or say some thing that adversely affects us or others we cause our self pains guilt and shame.

If we understand that recovery means healing our pains.

We can continue living in the pains and fears of our past or heal adn deal with them.

How healthy can I become is all up to me today.

The recovery program is abaout becoming much healthier people in our self.

Investment of time and energy in to my recovery is self benefitting.

Every unhealthy habit is exchanged in to healthy habits.

I did not know or fully understand how unhealthy I use to be.

For me my addictions and obsessions were very unhealthy and self destructive.

Today I want to be the most healthiest person I can be.

Love and peace to every  one.