Hello old friends. I’m back here (under a new username) (Previously Moorey) to try and rescue my life once and for all.
I had recently gone 64 days without gambling until I decided to gamble on Christmas Day. In the short time I’d been gamble free, I’d built up my savings to a level where I’d not been for a while. So why I decided to undo all that hard work, I’ll never know.
As usual my gambling started off what you’d call ‘acceptable’ (to a gambler that doesn’t have problems) but they quickly escalated and I reckon I’ve lost about £1000 since then.
How do I feel? Sick. Pig sick.
The only saving grace is that I still have some savings left and I didn’t go completely berserk. But that is scant consolation.
I am a good guy as everyone who knows me would vouch for. A reliable guy. A trustworthy guy. But I am keeping one massive secret from everyone and that is my gambling problem. I’ve come to realise that I cannot do this on my own and I need to tell someone about it. I need that incentive! So I will tell one of my best friends about my gambling problem when we next meet up for a drink.
I tried to arrange counselling sessions through GamCare but I bottled it at the last moment. I suffer from anxiety and I simply couldn’t go through with it! So I need all the help and encouragement from people on here.
My life is quite an empty one, filled with struggle and difficulties. Admittedly, some are my own doing. I have very few friends after I stopped going out several years ago and my girlfriend, who I love so much, works away a lot of the time so I feel like I hardly see her. It’s complicated. So many times we’ve talked about splitting up but neither of us want that. So I guess I gamble because I’m bored and in need of some thrill. I’m losing interest in sports unless I have a bet on it. I never used to be like that.
I expect and probably deserve criticism for my actions over the last couple of months but I’d appreciate you going easy on me for a little while at least. I’m desperate to quit and to become a success story. My life needs to turn round soon before it’s too late.
My journey for freedom starts here.....
Thanks for reading, folks
Yes! great, before it gets too bad you decided to nip this gambling out of your life and get some assistance. Having some savings is a total asset in this bizare world of compulsive gambling which takes all we have and then digs a hole of debt. I have forseen myself going into that hole... life is hard enough and the lossess have been huge enough and the amount of years I've suffered has been enough... so enough is enough! Good for you in reaching out my friend. tara2
Thank you for your kind words, Tara. What is your situation? If you don’t mind me asking?
Yes, having savings is good I suppose but it’s not a lot and I constantly worry about my car failing and having to fork out for repairs. I don’t have that much. I’m constantly on edge all the time and most of that is down to my gambling habits. I need to kick it into touch once and for all. I almost need to redirect my life away from sport which is going to be incredibly hard as it’s been a massive part of my life up to now. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to watch sport again without thinking about betting.
Hey hey buddy ! I know you it this time around ! Forget the past and move forward ! Maybe learn from the mistake but don’t make it a habit . I remember we started about the same time and I’m sure you’ll do great !
Sars
Sars27 wrote:
Hey hey buddy ! I know you it this time around ! Forget the past and move forward ! Maybe learn from the mistake but don’t make it a habit . I remember we started about the same time and I’m sure you’ll do great !
Sars
Yes, we did start around the same time if I remember rightly. Only you went on to bigger and better things! 🙂 you’ve done really well mate. It just shows that it can be done.
Thanks for your kind words Sars.
Hi Dan
Just read your post and I to went gamble free but came off the wagon.
The key to your recovery is to be honest and I find talking to someone close is very important. It's hard to explain to people who are not addicted to gambling but you need to keep busy and have constant reminders about the pain and hurt gambling does. I find that keeping a list of the bad things that gambling can do to Mr helps.
Keep your chin up and you will work through this.
Brewster
Welcome back to the diaries my friend.
It won't be easy, it never is, but it can be done.
I was quite fond of Moorey (aka Desperate Dan) but feel that DeterminedDan is the best man for this war. I am sure he will have some surprises in store for the addiction as he leads his troops into battle. Rumour has it he is a great tactician and strategist, a true warrior who displays great courage on the battlefield and has a flair for the unusual.
I believe the gambling demons are going to get their backsides whopped big time. DeterminedDan is on the move and we are all with him every step of the way. Yihaaa let's rock n roll.
Thanks for your kind and wise words, Brewster and Stephen.
I’m trying to look at things positvely tonight....
My first attempt at quitting was 10 days. Followed by 28 days. Then 34 days and lastly (my most recent) 65 days. So I am improving.
I remember how great it felt being gamble free, especially during those 65 days. I felt like I could walk everywhere with my head held high. I want that feeling again and I am determined to make this work. Small beginnings....
Welcome back to the forum Moorey/Dan. I know this isn't how you wanted to be back here but you've shown this place can help you so choosing to be back here is a good thing. You know what you need to do and you know that you can do it. It's about tightening them blocks and taking more help as and when you need it.
Don't be ashamed to ask for help. Its easier to get the help along the way than it is to keep picking yourself up after a relapse.
Wishing you all the best mate, i'll be around as previous. You can do this =)
Thanks sjwsjw. Much appreicated.
Today is Day 1....
Off to do some shopping today. Hopefully It’ll help to clear my head and will do me some good.
I’m still smarting from the last few days so it’ll take a while to get over it.
Have a good day folks. Stay gamble free.
Dan
Just keep on fighting Dan, you show determination by keep coming back and posting. Like you said you've done 65 days before and felt good so you can do it again. Just small steps especially through these first few weeks. Just keep posting and talking my friend.
Wilsy
Holding on to the dream ~ A gamble free life offering hope and opportunity
Dan the man has set out on his mission. Head held high and shoulders squared.
Stout hearted, iron willed and showing a steely resolve. This brave soul ventures forth with courage and hope.
Just a quick question....
I am currently in the very early stages of my recovery and I am interested to find out what other people have done to replace the ‘buzz’ that gambling brings with it. We all know that for problem gamblers like ourselves, it inevitably leads to disaster, but the routine that comes along with gambling seems very hard to replace.
For me, sport (both watching and playing) has played a massive part in my life. But the sad thing is I’ve nearly always watched it with some kind of a bet on it. If I haven’t got a bet on, I don’t seem to bother watching it. But because it’s been such a big part of my life, it feels like it’s too big a gap to fill with stuff that others have recommended. Running, reading etc.
Are there any sports fans out there that have found a way to find watching sport exciting again without the need to have a bet riding on it?
The thought of ridding sport from my life upsets me slightly but what upsets me more is the fact that it was betting that I relied on so heavily to keep me interested in sport. Ironically it was online casinos and FOBTS that we’re doing 99% of the damage. But that was a result of a lost (small) bet in sport.
I feel that it’s ‘routine’ that’s been holding me back over these last 12 months. I’ve always liked routine and always looked back to those happier times gambling. The close and dramatic wins etc! Stupidly neglecting the dark times like I’m currently experiencing right now. Then the ‘routine’ has led to not being able to cope with even small gambling losses so I’ve then gone on to chase my losses.
I do feel like this is my breakthrough moment in my quest to become gamble free. I’m not saying I’ve mastered it. Far from it. But. I now feel like I understand my addiction a lot more and I’m hoping to find ways to tackle those urges.
Sorry I’m rambling...
Hi Dan - well done on all your periods gamble free. I totally understand what you mean about needing something to fill the void of gambling, when I was in my longest gamble free phase of 160 days I began reading books again which definitely helped and in reflection I haven't read any since relapsing, so I may start that again. Sadly I do turn to food too which is not good especially when I'm tired and I really feel the urge to gamble. I think though by considering your question I am going to start to read a new book by the end of the week - exercise is great but sometimes in those 5 minutes of unplanned time when you are on your own and thoughts of gambling come exercise may not always be practical so a book - a gripping thriller maybe - might be more suited to those unexpected moments when relapse can feel imminent. Thsnks for your question as it has made me realise perhaps what helped me to succeed previously. Good luck - sure you can beat this!
Dan, I found going walking, reading and watching Netflix helped loads. Also making time to see friends and make new ones . Good luck on your journey.
Julie x​
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