My Journey

Sue

thanks for the kind words upon my thread,for me to be able to share this journey with a wonderful group of like minded folk who all want to arrest the destruction from their lives and help others to do so is a far cry from the life I used to live.

I was completely withdrawn from my family let alone the rest of the world we live in all the time I gambled.

Oh and yes you raised a huge smile with your reference to 'uncle bulgaria' as for the past eight months I have not shaved my head as I have done for the past twenty five years and I have a head full of curly locks lol!!!

bottom line is it is great to have you back!!

The why doesn't matter,the past is just that,it's the tomorrow's that matter.

Live and learn,enjoy the tunes

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Hi Diary,

Day 15 I believe,

Thank you everyone for the posts, as any one who posts a diary it's such a good feeling to get even 1 reply....Thank you all xx

Duncs mate what you say makes so much sense....Listen everyone PAST is PAST......Don't ever give up giving up...God if we all did it first go no one would be here still posting!

I think the great thing about this forum is the support you get, It will pick you back up and give you the strength to start again.

I have had an exceptionally emotional experience today. I took my wee man to the new place he is going to be living, (for couple of days trial run) all agreed by social workers etc.

Well I dropped him off and handed over all relevent information. I found it incredibly difficult, they didn't seem to have any repore with any of the other service users, it just seemed like they were doing the basics....Well in my mind that aint enough.........God this is breaking my heart. I have so much love for these guys and realise just how special the place I have worked at for 17 years is and on 31st of this month its not going to be there.

Just thought....What the hell is this got to do with me gambling, Maybe more than I realise?

Hey....If I can get through this I can get through anything.

Have another drop off tomorrow then 2 days off.......Gambing....Go to hell (and beyond)

Womble xxx

Hey Womble,

Ohhh I like your style of posting, very funny, wise, and lovely soul indeed. You are right, this forum is great place and we all unite to fight this good fight. Over 2 weeks for you and as I'm sure you already know, it will only get better! Keep it up and yes, just follow your mantra - Gambling....Go to hell!!!!!!!!!!!! (And beyond) lol..I like this saying

Stay well and keep making the right choice

S x

Hey day 16,

Feeling very tired, emotional and perplexed (where the hell do these words come from?)

Picked another service user up from new place in Gerrads Cross , wanna live there, it's gorgeous...not just the home but the place!

Fantistic home.......1 down 5 to go!

Getting back to the nitty gritty...Gambling....It makes me feel dirty, unclean, secretive and a liar.......Go take a running jump....Gambling is not part of my life anymore!

Womble xx

Hi womble

Amazing where we get these words from to explain our feelings which are all over the place lol

Yes yes yes gambling take a running jump we don't want or need you anymore

We want SANITY we need SANITY

Suzanne xx

Hi Womble,

Thanx for the post and you are one brave lady if planning to read at least a chunk out of my diary lol. Trust me it's one huge ramble lol.

Anyway, good to see you marching on and staying "clean". This habit takes it all, but we are the ones in control to say - STOP, enough is enough.

Keep up the good work and don't turn back 🙂

....as always - gambling go to hell!!!! Lol

Later

S x

Hey sue,

Thought I'd womble over and say Hi. It's so nice to hear from you but maybe under different circumstances..... So you walked of track a little, guess what as my dad used to say "**** happens it's how you shovel it that matters ". . I'm sure it's an emotional time for you with everyone you have cared for moving on, I found at highly emotional times like that I'm more vulnerable, so be aware and look after yourself , use the tools you have learnt and the support you have, and think about making some solid plans about that redundancy money... You have earnt every penny don't let it go up on smoke..

Take care my favourite wobble.

I'm only an email away [email protected]. Should you need me xxxxxx

Hi Diary,

Whey hey...onto day 19.

Thank you everyone for the posts, was especially nice to here from Blondie!

Had a lovely couple of days off. Wed chillin, thurs...didn't stop

Cleaning, washing, windows,SHOPPING, family, friend......wine and food!

Back to work today and went swimming with my guy for the last time....was really sad.

I know now that I need blocks cos after a few drinks yesterday if I could of gambled I would....so I couldn't and I didn't!

Womble xx

Sue

my dear friend,for me your honesty is the key to your continued success,keep those blocks in place,build your resolve through continued abstinence

the rewards will come through in many ways

The one for me that gifts continued growth of my spirit is no self gifted mind-f**k

Keep making the right choice,life will give it back in spades.

As for the music,enjoy that too,I love any music,well except Elvis lol!!!

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

P.S gambling is a complete waste of time!!

Hey Womble

Hmmm I swear to god I posted on ur tread last night lol but it is not here. That says a lot about the mess in my head lol. I prob wrote to someone else calling them womble, so best go back and edit lol

On a more sensible note, you go girl!!!! This journey is bespoke and no matter how many times this ugly habit tries to trip us down, we are here to fight the beast at any cost!

Day at a time and we are striding forward, no time for regrets. Days will turn into months quicker than we expect, the power is in our hands!! (Lol..sounded like Paddy on take me out lol lol).yep girl just keep making that right choice and be proud!!

Take care

S x

Hi Womble.... 17 years with the same service users. I can appreciate the level of attachment you must have built up over all that time. It must feel hard to let go, but let go you must. I relate to an extent, having worked in similar capacities, though for me it has sometimes been a relief to be free of certain clients behaviours. When I left my last job I was real happy to be free of a certain client. The stress of working with him had built up over a long period of time, not 17 years though I might add! Some people at my current work place have been there for there whole working lives but the difference being that because its children the children grow up and move to adult placements, so the intensity of the relationship doesn't go on for 17 years. Am rambling. Not sure if I have red your thoughts correctly but are you staying with the company in a new capacity?

It does sound like your recently gambling event is all wrapped up with the changes in life that you are going through. Your back and posting and not gambling...that's a good thing. Take care..warm regards... S.A 🙂

Well here we are at Day 21,

Am usually upbeat but today I am feeling very melloncholly (sp)

Am finding my work situation really difficult.

It really is that my service users are a part of my family Geez I have known the majority for over 17 years

Have to share this little gem with you.

Background....52 year old guy..severe learning difficulties and physical as well. He is a "worry wort" Stressing big time about the move to a new place.

Sue "how u feeling today *****"

Him......grunt

Sue "Well ***** your room is amazing at the new place, you have a river at the bottom of your garden, maybe you can eventually use that fishing rod your step dad got you"

Him "I need to get a liscense"

Well I can't believe he came out with this as his learning disability is way bellow that level. Made my freekin' day!!!

My heart is breaking that I am not going to be with these guys anymore......So I owe it to them and to myself to kick this ADDICTION to hell!

Sorry anyone who posts on mine but will not reply tonight, tomorrow is another day.

Womble xxxxx

Hi womble

So sorry to read your distress

It's so hard to say goodbye to something that has been a big part of our lives 17 years is a long time

It's been your job but your job has involved vulnerable people who you obviously have become very fond of

And they you

Sending you strength to cope with this as I know it must be hard for you

Tomorrow is another day and I hope you feel stronger

Suzanne xx

sue

firstly thank you for your kind words on my diary

I feel for you tonight its hard to let go with people you case bout work or not , I truly hope you can be inspired and dedicate your recovery to them and help keep you strong

tomorrow is another day and I wish you all the happiness it can bring

castle2

Well every now and then someone comes on your diary and says just the right thing that is gonna get you through the mess in your brain.......

Castle....Can't thank you enough man.........U hit my soft spot.

Well here goes......

My diary is now dedicated to my 6 service users who I love unconditionaly and pray they go on to have an awesome happy life!

Am feeling super emotional and what castle said has made me smile and really want to live again!

So for today I didn't gamble, will I tomorrow....not a chance (now I have a piccy of my guys in my head)

Womble...feeling incredibly humbled xxx