My journey

Well done for starting a diary - and for the amazing progress you've made in the last three days.

I've commented on your story elsewhere and think your progress so far has been quite inspirational: I haven't told anyone about my issues, but you were brave enough to, knowing that it would get out to people in your social circle.

Try not to be too hard on yourself about what came before three days ago - focus on what happened in the last three days.

Think about how great you'll feel tomorrow, the day after, next week, next month, next year. I really am hopeful that you're able to seek Gamcare's debt advice - I feel it will really help you.

Keep talking to us all, keep thinking out loud and keep up with the progress. You're doing well.

Hi Teegy,

You're doing really well and you have come to the right place for help. There are lots of people who have been in your position here. You are not alone.

Although I have no experience of gambling, I am married to a cg. and remember how hurt and angry I was when I first found out, especially in the early days. Now I know more about the addiction,  I feel guilty about the hard time I gave my husband. It does take time to process things and come to terms with the deceit and the lost money. 

Hopefully in time those closest to you will come to terms with things. As time goes on and as they see that you are trying to put this behind you, they will be more understanding.

Finding this forum was a turning point for me, as it really helped me to understand the addiction. Maybe you could show this site to those closest to you, if you haven't already. 

Give them time. Hopefully they will come round. 

Good luck and keep going at being gamble free.

J x

Hi Teggy,

Well done with the progress so far- And sharing your problems and worries with the forum.

People, generaly, takes time to adjust and understand other people's views, especially from a compulsory gamblers outlook. 

The best thing that you can do is to correct yourself, make up the mistakes and not to repeat your behaviour again. It sounds simple and is really hard to do.

Also check out some Utube clips on recovery gamblers such as Only Phil- an Essex guy when you get the urge. 

I hope this helps.

Xoi

Stay sane, safe, calm, and take one at a time

Thanks for your replies ?

Today I’ve had the urge to gamble badly...I haven’t because I have gamstop in place but I’m like what would I of done if it wasn’t. Have to stop these thoughts, gambling has bought me down to rock bottom, but with everything that’s been going on over the last few days, just need a buzz. 

Tracy x

Well done for sticking with it, pal. Another day in the bag! How many is it now for you? It sounds like you've had a challenging day but at the end of it, you can take pride in getting to the finish line.

Do you feel (like I do) that it's almost the reverse of how it used to be? That it used to be a buzz when placing the bet but then the awful low feeling when it lost....but now it's a little feeling of being down as the day progresses, but then the buzz of getting through it with strength.

Perhaps those around you won't be able to appreciate your milestones, but when you get to a week/a month or even longer, it would be nice if you can share that with your mum and the friend you mentioned, so they know you are giving it your all.

Hey Greyville

Only on day 4 at the moment so early days.

Oh the feeling when you’ve lost is just horrible, you’re angry at yourself for doing it and I kept asking myself why, but didn’t matter because I carried on. There was no buzz for me towards the end. I think I gambled out of panic, to try and win the money back. Never happened it just kept spiralling till there was nothing left.

However today, my feelings were different, I was/still am really down about everything and I knew what a buzz you had before it became an illness, obsession and greed and wanted that buzz to cheer me up.

I’m just grateful I have the blocks in place, and can go to bed knowing that’s another day gone by without losing any money.

As for my mum and my friend, unless they joined this site or spoke to a former gambler, I don’t think they’ll ever understand.

Thanks again for replying, it’s nice to have the support ?

Tracy x

Hi Tracey,

Keep on going as it is still early days in your recovery. In the first few weeks, you will feel slightly better and knowing you're heading towards the right way, not south. 

Just find healthy replacement for your gambling. 

Xoi

Ps a thousand mile begins with one step

Thanks Soysauce ?.

So today I do feel a bit better and I made the decision to open all the mail that I’ve ignored for so long, I’ve put myself into an IVA so I know that despite the letters and demands it’s now being dealt with. Just feel a sense of “ok you’ve got this” by opening them.

This may not make sense to anyone but I feel a bit more in control today.

Tracy x

Posted by: Teegy

Thanks Soysauce ?.

So today I do feel a bit better and I made the decision to open all the mail that I’ve ignored for so long, I’ve put myself into an IVA so I know that despite the letters and demands it’s now being dealt with. Just feel a sense of “ok you’ve got this” by opening them.

This may not make sense to anyone but I feel a bit more in control today.

Tracy x

That sounds like a really positive step to me - confronting everything head on. I've said it before, but please do a look at Gamcare's debt advice.

Maybe you're right about those close to you finding it hard to understand what you've been through, but perhaps you could write them a letter to explain it, and to tell them the positive steps you're taking now.

I think the you five years from now will be a completely different person. I hope you'll still be gamble free and will have been able to reach a better financial position, maybe even repay some money to your mum, and earn back the trust and respect of those close to you.

From what you've done so far I can definitely see you doing it.

Hi Teggy,

Well done for signing yourself into an IVA. It is a 6 years contract and it gives a sense of control back to you. Your credit score has taken a massive hit by this, however, just live within your means as this can be done. 

Start building healthy habits from now on as your gambling replacement.  

Xoi

Ps stay sane, safe, calm, and take one day at a time