I figure I'll start a journal on here as well. I'm not really sure how often I'll post here, but I feel like it gives me some place to vent on this journey.
It's been just over a day since I last cried and vowed I wouldn't gamble again. Although I don't have a penny to my name right now. The real test will be at the end of the month when it's pay day. I've thought about gambling several times today, I've had the thoughts about how I'll circumvent gamstop, but I do stop myself and try force myself to think about why I'm doing this that remind myself that I truly do want to stop.
It does feel strange. It's now donning on me how much energy and thought I put in every day to gambling. Weeks from payday I eye up fixtures and think about what I'll bet on as soon as I get paid. Which is weird, since I end up throwing everything away on obscure sports in random countries as I get too impatient to actually wait for what I want to bet on to start.
I'm not really sure what to do with myself at the moment or what I do when I finally reclaim and get a hold of all that time. So often I'll just make myself go to sleep so it can be closer to pay day or I just stare at the void thinking about placing bets.
I despise my job as well, it's minimum wage but it does offer almost unlimited overtime for me to overwork myself. That sort of distracted me from thinking about betting.
I would like to go back to university I think. But I've got no idea what I'd even study or how to even really go about it. I'd like to get healthy. Exercise. I'd like to try open up to my friends about my struggles, although I've had negative experiences with this previously. These are some of the things I'm going to try work on and start thinking about instead of gambling.
I'm 23 and it feels like that for as long as I can remember , I've not had complete autonomy over myself. It's frustrating and upsetting. I really hope I can get back in control, quit gambling and better myself.
Dear Geo 165,
Thank you for sharing on our forum, you are most welcome here. It is normal to feel out of sorts when you stop gambling, many people express this, but hopefully soon you will start to feel the benefit of being gamble free. It sounds as though you want to reconnect with yourself and this is natural. Problem gambling can cause disconnection and any actions you take to reduce the harm caused by gambling are worth doing. You have some idea of the areas in your life you want to improve and you are more likely to have clarity of thought when you are not gambling. This could be a turning point for you to really pave the way for a brighter future. Open University are offering some free online courses which could help you to fill your time and may prove useful in your search for a career. Exercise and being healthy, as you mentioned , will be a positive for your well being. We are available on the helpline 24/7 if you need us. We offer a range of free treatment options and information and advice.
Take care of yourself
Fiona
Forum Admin
Geo, welcome - few things that you said really resonated with my journey so it’s absolutely normal to feel so at a loss once you stop gambling. I really struggled first few days, felt absolutely consumed by thoughts of gambling but things became so much better after the first week or so.
The test will come when you’ve got money available, but these days up until payday are a great change to build some fortitude and resilience against gambling. By the time payday comes, you will be the best part of a month gamble free and that’s such a great achievement to work from.
You mention about fixtures you really want to bet on, but as I’m sure you’re fully aware by now - our addiction doesn’t allow us to stop, so instead we will find any way of placing a bet, losing control and the spiral begins again.
Finally, you mention about exercise and I think this is such a great outlet to get through those slow days where our minds wander towards fixtures and potential bets.
Still early in my journey and the struggle does remain, but it definitely gets easier the longer you can stay strong and avoid making the easy decision to place a bet. You can do this!
Best of luck??
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
