My life with addiction

Lol Junnieee, luv the back to basics with ABC, (can understand that one ohh:) x

Lol, Alan, Dan does seem to put the bait out and thrn runnnn :))))

Gave up running away a long time ago Suzanne :). Maybe this site isn't the correct platform for debate & discussion. It is perhaps best used for support (which it does well) & offering those in their first foray into abstaining a comfortable, safe haven to lick their wounds. I'm possibly wrong(I have been wrong many times in my life) in believing the best way to help addicts is to get them to challenge their perspective of their life, their self and their addiction. I'm not baiting people, I don't have a hidden agenda as some seem to believe. Just doing what I believe in. I'm passionate about helping addicts, it has given me purpose, something lacking in my life for decades. I like to think I do it rather well

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& I think you do it rather well as well Dan.

I also think this site is for support. But then this particular diary a great place for debate. You can sometimes see the mind shift mid way through a particular post as someone answers there own question

Keep throwing them out Dan

Ok, starting to get splinters in my b*m from sitting on the fence, so thought I'd put my thoughts forward.

You are clearly well informed Dan, and have a wealth of knowledge and experience to share. I disagree with a few things such as your stand on CBT, but without wishing to sound like a suck up, I've learnt a lot from what you share and I've been grateful for your shoves.

A good therapist/addiction specialist will offer patience, support, teaching and encouragement (and if they've lived it themselves, empathy) Most importantly, they will give honesty, even if it seems brutal and may be unwanted. The truth hurts, but it's often the truth that we've been running away from for years...."what is the lie I'm telling myself to justify this" is a line I try to remember. Dan has lived this through GA and fully understands that telling people what they want to hear, rather than what the research and knowledge of addiction says, does them a disservice.Although I accept that relapse isn't part of recovery, I don't think that people starting out are fully able to understand this and I wouldn't want them to be put off from continually trying to get back on the horse.Hearing relapse isn't part of recovery doesn't mean that recovery is impossible, it just means that true recovery hasn't started yet..... but it's important that people don't get bogged down in this. There are very few people on here who just stop and are done and the ones who do have often tried many times to quit before they join. Maybe a new phrase needs to be thought up?

Sorry Alan, but I have to fundamentally disagree with your statement "we're all trying to recover from something that took over our lives and really how it happened and what caused it is irrelevant". I personally think that there is nothing more relevant than the cause of the addiction. Without understanding the cause how can we prevent it happening again? If we don't understand the thoughts, emotions and drivers behind our addictions how can we guard against them when they resurface? In my humble opinion, the people who fall down repeatedly are the ones who don't put in the work to uncover the cause and/or who don't seek help either through GA, therapy, counselling, the men in white coats. There are a few who really don't seem to need it (ODAAT springs to mind) but they at least have an open mind to it, are keen to question and explore and are really open to learning stuff. Our pasts absolutely have a role in shaping us. That doesn't mean that our futures are controlled by our past but to blindly ignore our life's expereince (good and bad) isn't a healthy thing.

LB x

LB, hope the splinters didn't go to far in.

Agreed on post above and - slowly, slowly catchee monkey comes to mind.. To much to soon is too much for the head to take in, in my experience.

I wasn't going to weigh in on the last part of your post. But I think through my experience I originally took the stance of not thinking the cause was important, now I feel that's the reason why I got lost in the wilderness.

What works for some doesn't have to work for all. We spent so much time as gambling robots, it takes us a while to realise we're human

Dan the man :)) lol,

Listen don't you dare:))) stop your mind boggling posts, they certainly hrlp me and keep me on my toes, lol.

When I first came to this forum, I would say 90% of posters on here were 90 days or less, newcomers, and I would say the majority of these folk just disappeared after the 100 day milestone, (unless they relapsed and then some of them have come back thsnk goodness)

What I am trying to say my dear friend, is that the forum has slowly changed over the last year, folks are staying here after the 100 days, (thsnk goodness again) so the forum now has newcomers, oldies, and relapses, who some have been here a while, it's not I Ijust for newcomers now(she says gingerly) keep those discussions up :)) I for one take it all on board, and do do the other intellectuals lol ohh:))

Seriously Dan you do what you do from your heart and your experience, and I know you are passionate about helping folk on here

Number 9 lol, don't stop what you are doing, (you do it very very well) ( me creeping lol) even if you bolt after placing the bait Ohh lol.

Reminder to myself, stop being contradictive, criticising myself lol, but you can be assured I am at work in progress

Bring it on Dan, ready and waiting lol.

Suzanne xxx

day@atime wrote:

Gave up running away a long time ago Suzanne :). Maybe this site isn't the correct platform for debate & discussion. It is perhaps best used for support (which it does well) & offering those in their first foray into abstaining a comfortable, safe haven to lick their wounds. I'm possibly wrong(I have been wrong many times in my life) in believing the best way to help addicts is to get them to challenge their perspective of their life, their self and their addiction. I'm not baiting people, I don't have a hidden agenda as some seem to believe. Just doing what I believe in. I'm passionate about helping addicts, it has given me purpose, something lacking in my life for decades. I like to think I do it rather well

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Keep it up Dan. I love a discussion 🙂

I didnt sleep very well last night (Not looking for sympathy by the way), and as I tossed and turned and logged on and off my computer , I realised I had reacted, had been enraged even. I couldnt possibly beleive anyone in recovery , which is where im supposed to be could feel so differently about something , they must be being dishonest, playing hardball as I put it, being disingenuous and I wasnt going to let them get away with that .... no sir. So I smashed out my words reckless and raw, out they went onto the page earlier in the day only to then stew over them.

But as I gave my self time. All of last nights broken sleep, and todays moochings around i realised I still have a good deal of addivtive thinking in my head, who the hell am I to dismiss someone elses feelings on a subject as wrong , not even possible, nay downright dishonest.

I reminded myself that feelings belong to the individual who has them and are neither right nor wrong , they experience them, feel them and by that same token my feelings belong to me. I have a right to feel them. Dan your an excellent poster by the way, i simply just dont feel the way you do right now, maybe never will.

Heres the crux of it tho, I apologise for what you described as character attacks. I am not sure my ideal self ever stands to look like your ideal self, but part of my ideal self is definitely not going to be a nasty overly opinionated ego driven bully who has no regard for others wellbeing and feelings. So sincerley I apologise.

Manupnow your a top man.

I've been doing similar last couple of days, yet didn't have the courage or intellect to send a post like above.

You've gifted me something today.

Strength

Manupnow wrote:

I didnt sleep very well last night (Not looking for sympathy by the way), and as I tossed and turned and logged on and off my computer , I realised I had reacted, had been enraged even. I couldnt possibly beleive anyone in recovery , which is where im supposed to be could feel so differently about something , they must be being dishonest, playing hardball as I put it, being disingenuous and I wasnt going to let them get away with that .... no sir. So I smashed out my words reckless and raw, out they went onto the page earlier in the day only to then stew over them.

But as I gave my self time. All of last nights broken sleep, and todays moochings around i realised I still have a good deal of addivtive thinking in my head, who the hell am I to dismiss someone elses feelings on a subject as wrong , not even possible, nay downright dishonest.

I reminded myself that feelings belong to the individual who has them and are neither right nor wrong , they experience them, feel them and by that same token my feelings belong to me. I have a right to feel them. Dan your an excellent poster by the way, i simply just dont feel the way you do right now, maybe never will.

Heres the crux of it tho, I apologise for what you described as character attacks. I am not sure my ideal self ever stands to look like your ideal self, but part of my ideal self is definitely not going to be a nasty overly opinionated ego driven bully who has no regard for others wellbeing and feelings. So sincerley I apologise.

Recovery's about improvement not perfection. Good on you. A gift to us all. Tri

Curiosity killed this cat. What is your own advice?

day@atime wrote:

Time to take my own advice on advisement from my sponsor

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Trying again! What is your own advice?

Hi Paul, it went something along the lines of.

You may have managed to steer your way through some very difficult & painful times during your addiction & come out the otherside & when you did you thought phew....now I can leave that all behind me & Im never returning there.

Thats a great way to think....... if you are a selfish d ick

If we actually claim to care about other people other than ourselves , we cant leave our problems behind us , never to return . If we dont take the freedom we have found & try to give it away to others , we are not becoming someone worth becoming

Door's always open mate you know that !.

LOL ! I actually thought that too regarding GA's handbook while I Iwas reading my own post back and yes I do spot the irony ?.

I do try and ignore you honestly ! but you just won't go away !! Jooooooook as well !!.

I just don't get why everything is so confusing ? . I've been here for a while now and to be honest I'm none the wiser , so I can just imagine what it's like for a newbie starting a diary .

I try and tune into what there feeling at that moment they post and try to answer accordingly, with feeling and compassion it may not always be the right approach granted but sometimes its all I have . I don't have a vast knoweldge like some on here and no I can't speak about GA because I've never been nor have I gone through counciling , so all I'm left with is me and my experience of recovery so far . I sometimes feel that I have no right to post simply because I'm not doing any of the afformentioned and feel a fraud because I'm not really struggling to stay away from gambling ?.

I think this place is wonderfull one minute and yet sometimes I loath it and if I'm honest thats probably because it re awakens the pain of gambling , you asked what's wrong and really I don't know what it is , maybe I just need to stop for a while and get my head back together again, that may restore a bit of sanity ?.

It's getting late now and I'm not feeling great at the mo , so off you go back to your throne in cyberspace , just be carefull you don't get vertigo being that high up !! .

Thanks for the post Dan and I'll talk with you some more later my friend !

How are you, Dan?

CW