My New diary

Hope and Despair are two powerful emotions I would use to describe the whole diary I just read, I'm at the very start of my journey. Hope and despair is apt as they are the two feelings I feel most when gambling, the hope of a big win, the despair of reccuring failure and money losses. I hope you keep battling ND1, it was a good feeling when I read you were x months without gambling and had more money. I think it's harder when the bank balance actually recovers, makes you feel like oh I can afford a little bit of betting and for me can swing from a positive balance of £1000 to £200 overdrawn. Recover and do it again. Keep fighting the fight.

Thank you for the support. The hardest thing is that you think that you have recovered and in control again but obviously you never are. Constant lessons being learnt!

The hardest thing now is that all those thoughts about which bet next and chasing money has all come back. I managed to control it for long periods last year. I need to start again and close a newly reopened card that I have been gambling on. Once my latest loss has cleared then I'll pay it off and close it. Wish me luck again!

My last bet was Saturday 20th August. 24 hours without a bet is an achievement for me at the moment as I had gone back to what I was doing back in October last year. I'll keep posting each day as it keeps me focused.

48 hours so still doing ok?!

I'm back in deep again. Credit card gambling after being so strong.

Keep at it mate. You've proved that you can do it in the past so no reason why you can't again. Look at how happy you was when you cleared all that debt away, don't undo all your hard work. You need to get rid of all credit cards as soon as possible, that seems to be the cause of most of your problems. I wish you all the best and hopefully some positive news again from you soon!

Thanks for the support. I'm back in heavy again - £2k lost this weekend alone. Same old story, had a couple of wins then withdrew the money and then gambled some more and lost. I can't win because I can't stop!! I've now used my savings to cover the gambling losses of £4k over the past month.

I need to close my credit card as soon as all my gambling transactions have cleared. I will make final payment and close it this week.

I will post again once I have done this as it really helps me stay positive.

The issue I have had over the past month is that I wrote my car off and then had to get a loan to cover a new one - re-opened the credit card to pay the deposit and away I go.

I did it before and can do it again.

I've just read another recovery diary and they described it as "Self Harming wthout the scars". This really struck a cord with me as it is true. When I'm at my worst (like this weekend) I'm withdrawn from everyone and everything just glued to my phone watching another 1000 disappear from my hard earned savings. I'm sat here now when I should be asleep reading posts to try and find some inspiration from recovering CG's.

Let's start again - living life is far more important than money so let's stop worrying and start this hard journey again.

My last best was Sunday 4th September 2016

Another update as I'm still gambling heavily. I am back in the debt spiral as I got a new loan to purchase a car (as I wrote mine off) and I will be made redundant next year. I'm sorting out a new mortgage currently so I know I should just close my credit card but I am reluctant to do so in case this gives a flag on my credit. I know what I need to do but just can't close it. I haven't lost anything major over the past month it is more the mental aspect and constantly looking at my phone and Tv for my next bet and it is hurting my family.

To give you an idea of my week and how heavily I'm back gambling....Monday +1000, Tuesday - 1,000 and then the normal heavy chasing so Thursday -500 and then Friday -1,500. Got myself into a massive hole again. I did it once and can do it again so time to quit again.

Another 1,500 this weekend... not doing myself any favours here!

Had a bit of cold turkey time as last bet was Sunday 30th October 2016. I just want to remember what it is like to have a normal life again and not think about that next bet. The aim is to forget about gambling for a couple of weeks and let those happy normal thoughts come back.

Just read your last few post. Keeo strong you can do it!!! The quote of self harming not leaving a scar really haunts me. Like yourself, my work is going thru redundancy phase too....also i got debt on credit cards (i was gamble free for over a year too)...knowing all this going on i stupidly went gambling 3 weeks ago....its like im asking for more trouble...self destruct!!! I stopped after 3 weeks and came back here. Hoping haha to get shaken up or shouted at i guess and open up to others.

Its my 6th day and resort my finance. Lucky this time round it didnt last or got myself in a deep hole compare to year ago.

Im away to start councelling too to get out my low mood.

So please if you feel you are twitching. Get on here or message me. We can help each other.

Lucy x

Still struggling. Gambling heavily and the only blessing is that I am still able to pay off my losses. I just need to stop as it is affecting my personal life.