Thought I would keep a diary of how everything goes since telling friends and family of my problem. This is not only my first post on here but my first ever forum/diary/blog as such.
Im currently approaching 14 days of being free from gambling and its safe to say even after such a short time of not doing it im amazed at how much better im starting to feel in myself.
My problem started just under a year ago, not long after moving out of my parents and way to the other end of the UK. After being enticed in to a popular online sports betting site I seemed to do quite well, not massive amounts but enough to keep it entertaining.After my first "big" win I started to gamble more and more, with the thinking I could make more and more and even if I lost it "wasnt really my money anyway". After rather quickly burning through my initial win I started depositing more and more of money I didnt really have into it, it was so quick and easy it never really felt like money, to make it worse I would never check my bank accounts untill my card was declined, which I suppose was a way of hiding it from myself. Sports betting became a problem for me, with me barely being able to tear myself away from reading sports collums and stats online, spending most of my day either checking my laptop or phone for results.
Althought it had occured to me it may be a problem I always told myself I would be able to stop if I wanted too. Which of course I tried on many seperate occasions that ultimatly failed.
The extent of the problem became such that I was even hiding my phone from my girlfriend, excusing myself from social gatherings to go and place a bet (I could rarely go an hour without placing one). The problem only really became real to me when I started gambling with money given to me by my family to pay for my housing (being a student) I inevitably ended up loosing all of it when a notification about the website I used casiono section popped up about a new offer. After switching from sports to casino and making a fair bit of money in a few hours I found myself thinking I could win more and more (again) and ended up loosing everything. This is really what it took for me to admit to myself I had a problem.
Over the past months, id had very poor quality sleep, spent most of my day stressing about money and unpaid bills, and a general feeling of isolation and depression that somehow I didnt even associate with my gambling problem, which looking back was ridiculous. Two weeks ago, I plucked up the courage to tell my mum everthing id done (over text, I couldnt even make a call). This as it turns out was one of the best things ive ever done, and I only wish id had done it much much sooner.
The worst part about it is what I have done to my family and loved ones. I know ive let them down and added stress and wory that they do not need which is the worst part of everything for me.
After telling my family and talking it through, contacting gamcare and begining my journey towards stopping my problem I have never felt better. Its like a weight thats been lifted off my shoulders. I had been worried to the point of being physically sick about telling my parents and girlfirend. However after the obvious dissapointment that comes with it, the support and help ive recieved off them has been really what has kicked me into gear to beat this. Ive got my first counselling appointment on tuesday and I couldnt feel anymore positive about beating the problem. I know I will still have the urge to gamble and this is far from the end but feel better than I ever have.
To anyone thats read this thankyou for bearing with me this far! To anyone reading thinking about reaching out to gamcare about a problem or telling your loved ones, I know it seems like an impossible task but its one of the most worthwhile things you can do!
My last bet was the 28th May, since I have been open about my problem I havent felt the urge to do it again which in itself feels great.
Hello joshrgw
Welcome to the forum.
Pleased to read that you have already made positive steps and are feeling better for it.
Urges tend to come back, might want to put a barrier in place to keep you safe. This will be easier now you have told your family - well done.
Stay positive, keep yourself busy and all the best with the counselling.
Blessings
Glint
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