I have read so many stories over the last day or two and really can feel the pain people are going though. I have been a CG for around thirty years and have been through so much over the years and also put my wife through so much. Thankfully during the last few years I have managed to keep my gambling under control . I think one of the main reasons for this is exceptence . I can recognise my own signals and if I start playing I have a built in system that kicks in every time and I always quit and block very quickly. It has taken me a long time to get to this point but now I want to take the final step . No form of gambling at all forever. This is a huge statement to make with an audience but if I can show that a CG of thirty years can quit forever then hopefully it will motivate and encourage others to join me. If I can do it believe me anyone can!!! Its Never,Never,Never too late to stop no matter what has happened.
Have gone 1 day without gambling .
I am going to try and pull out as many gambling memories as I possibly can and hopefully more will come to me as I go along . It will easily be enough to fill a very large book. I'm trying to remember how much I have lost in one go and to be honest I'm really not sure. I think it's around the 600 pound mark but I do know that I have lost 3600 quid in a week in arcades which unfortunately was the money given to us by family for our happy wedding day. My wife is still with me after 16 years and has lived with my addiction the whole time. I owe her a lot.
2 days GF.
I know this is a long road for me. I have gone weeks without playing many times so for me the early days are the easier part. It's when I get to later weeks and sometimes months that I get tempted . I have this built in mechanism when I'm going through a stressful time in life I have a bet. Then set myself a maximum loss amount, get to it and then self exclude yet another account or two. I have a list of about 15 now . Which is making it harder. I don't think I would go back to my really dark days from years ago but I'm not complacent. I know I have a very complex personality which I am trying to pull apart with my psychologist. I have also had other addictions. Alcohol ,drugs, cigarettes. I got to a point with alcohol when I was younger when I would get the shakes and drink in the morning . I got to a certain point then just quit for months and now, 20 years later I never drink more than half a bottle of wine . I smoked twenty a day for years , sometimes even thirty or forty and got to a certain point. Then my best mate committed suicide and I said I would never smoke again after his wake and haven't had one since.Which is 8 years now. I smoked cannabis for about three years constantly in my early twenties then again got to a point and quit. Never had it since. What I do know is when my gambling was heaviest my smoking and alcohol dependency were also at the high points. So although I've been fighting gambling addiction , at certain points I've been fighting three addictions at once . I'm sure there are many other CG's in the same boat.
Morning,
Are you just switching poisons? Perhaps the key is looking at what using gives you and why you need it? Non-addictive (spiritual?) ways of meeting the same need? Stirring the deeps?
Now what could possibly be simpler?!!! No, it's not easy, but the obvious suggestion is the Twelve Steps. I suspect that's where you'll find what you're looking for.
BW,
CW
Hi Cynical wife.
Thanks for your comments. I see a psychologist each week and funnily enough in our last session we decided to start a more spiritual approach to the sessions . The switching poison thing is definitely there but after thirty years it takes a lot to untangle.
I've also had addictions to exercise in the past too , although I could probably use a bit of that at the minute , lol.
The thing about gambling though is that it has always been there since 12 yrs old . Do all my addictions have a link to my gambling in some way? Who knows , but I'm on that journey and not gonna stop until I'm at peace with myself?
Have a nice day
silver - i can relate to the dependency point - when gambling was bad for me id smoke and drink way into excess. It's all linked.
Day 3 GF - Going to try and post every day first thing in the morning before the kids get up. Recently I had been playing a free online slot game on android and would often play it in the morning. My more recent gambling slip up is definitely linked to that because I started paying a few quid a week to buy more credits for the free game. Then one day I thought, why pay for a game with no return when you could play for real and bet the minimum instead. So that's what I did, and lost 200 quid in a week! I'm trying to change my behaviour patterns by writing before the day starts instead. Got rid of the free slots game and installed some puzzle games instead.
Day 5 GF.
Didn't manage to post yesterday as spending time with my family celebrating my son's 12th birthday. Five days completely clean and have got rid of free slot games on tablet. Over the last few weeks during councilling i have realised that my gambling addiction was a lot deeper than I thought. I feel that it has been used by me as an excuse over the years for not dealing with my emotions , self confidence issues ..... as far back as my school life 30 years ago. More recently I'd convinced myself that I just enjoyed playing slots because it was fun every so often , but it would always be when things were becoming difficult in my life. , not a coincidence! Some people meditate to shut off their mind and relax but in practice this is very hard. Try not to think of anything at all and it's hard to last for more than a few seconds. But when those reels are spinning and I'm staring in a trace I am not thinking about anything else in my life. Going to work really hard on this area. Meditation, self confidence issues etc.....
I don't ever want to gamble again in any form, 30 yrs is long enough.
Hi silversurfer. I know what you mean about using gambling as a kind of escape. Over the years I realised that I would play more when my wife was putting pressure on me to do this or that or I was feeling down. Gave me the false impression of feeling alive but in actual fact was doing the complete opposite turning me into a zombie.
Well done on 5 days. Keep that creature far behind you and as long as you keep your mind strong you will not slip up and enable it to grab you again.
If you start getting the urge, take a look at the last sentence in your last post. Says it all.
Hope you have a good night mate.
7 days GF
I've had a really stressful week due to business issues and family etc... It's actually been one of the hardest weeks for a long time and would normally be the point where I might break and have a gamble. But writing on this forum every day and reading such heartfelt stories from other CG's has really helped me cope. I saw my psychologist yesterday also which also made a difference . I think councilling is one of the best things I've ever done and for anyone that feels anxious about it, don't! Once you start, it brings out things inside you that you didn't know were there and could make all the difference. Today I'm going out to walk in the fresh air with my family and enjoy life. Not sit in front of a screen watching spinning reels with different symbols on and watch my balance go down to zero again.
Thinking of all those struggling with gambling today. You can do it! We all can !! Stop right now and get some fresh air, read a book in a park. Anything but gamble, let's bankrupt the bookies and the online sites !
That's my rant over for today. Back later
Congrats on one week gamble free silver.
Cheers JJT. Hope all is good with you
14 days GF.
Just happy to have reached 14 days after a couple of difficult weeks really. Have had a couple of councilling sessions since my last post which have really helped me get through some difficult family stuff. Talking to someone makes so much difference. Just gonna try and stay focused. No more gambling , ever!
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