My recovery diary (JENILEE)

You are very welcome here - my comment was to point out you are not ready to come here to stop....as of yet so on that point come back when you are ready to stop(for real)........but it was said to point out from your posts you wasn't ready for that....

However the sooner you challenge with fellow gamblers on here the issues the clearer the picture will become hopefully.

Everyone is welcome.......this site is a great reality check for all and everyone can benefit.

As for the controlled gambler formulae - i'm glad people here found it a useful tool to clearly categorize yourself to what type of gambler you really are.

i myself am a progressive gambler that cannot control my gambling...........i too would fail the control and it would cause major stress and issues and not be successful

Wayne (LEST-WE-FORGET) DAY 16 GAMBLE FREE

Good morning all thank you Wayne for clarifying your post I am glad that I am welcome here, even though I am still gambling.. As for last night's gamble I showed a little control but not as much as I would've liked so for me, to be honest, because being honest is the best way to be LOL, I'm going to continue to try to build the "muscle" of my control. Because I may not have acknowledged yet the need to totally quit, but I have acknowledged the need to change and get more control back, that things cannot stay as they were. If I can clearly see after some more trying than that it's not getting better then I will have to acknowledge it is time to quit. I agree with what you said Wayne that by challenging and talking with other gamblers "The issues the clear the picture will become hopefully". Got to get ready for work good day to all! Going to try to keep posting daily or almost daily and reading daily or almost daily no matter what happens

Taking my break from work and wanted to post more and continue to evolve my thoughts about gambling. Today several of us are talking about charities would like to help if we won the lottery at Cetera I started thinking how I would like to do little things like have enough money to join the American humane society to help against animal abuse is that is one of my passions I love animals. And I can't even afford the $19 a month to do so. Which is ridiculous because on my income I should totally be able to afford to help a few causes such as that if I wasn't for the gambling and that. Wondering if maybe one of the keys to eventually changing my life, whether learn to control my gambling, or whether I quit is to spend more time thinking about other ways spend money , & what my other passions are. As part of gambling, as I'm sure you have all experience, right now the main thing that I want to do /money is gamble. But if I dig further underneath it all there are other things I want to do. And it hurts my heart that I can't afford to do them. Maybe that could be a goal of mine in a few years when there's less debt, if I quit or cut down on gambling Thoughts?

a few years never comes unless you make it this year and in the now..........you could afford it if you didn't gamble but at the moment gambling is more important to you then the issue you really care about and want to support...........that's how powerful it is, it takes precedence over even our real wants and needs.........and hinders real fulfilment.......

well done on being honest.........that is what this space is for and one main purpose of these forums

Regards

Wayne (LEST-WE-FORGET) DAY 16 GAMBLE FREE

...

Good morning and again Wayne thank you for the response of I think that this will start to really help me dig into the deeper issues which is the whole reason that I started this process maybe to make some headway one way or another in my thinking and actions about gambling. I am not having any urges today, which it is not uncommon for me to have some days without urges I never was a person that gambled every single day though sometimes I would gamble three or four days a week. My urges our strongest around the weekends or after I've had a loss (chasing.)

Long days at work the next two days focused on that. May allow myself to try to gamble this weekend as I'm still trying to do the controlled gambling thing. Again I'm just being honest here! I have some free play at Cetera coming from the casino. And my goal is to spend no real money only to spend the free play. And when it's gone, it's gone and I leave. And, if I win anything off it , even five dollars , to take that real cash and leave with it. I also am going to try To resist urges to go until that allotted day which I've decided will be Friday or Saturday to go.

I have plenty of personal and professional things that need to be done, my life is extremely busy and stressful with 1 million tasks all depending on me. That's why gambling is such a good stress escape! So I need to continue to daily focus on the tasks at hand get through my busy days, not give in to urges for extra gambling sessions, and probably start to schedule some other social events besides just gambling. Like some other things with friends at Cetera. I have definitely neglected that to the point where gambling is the only enjoyable thing that I usually do. I need to reach out to some friends and family and make some other plans to fill up my time on my days off and to destress and relax!!!!!!

Tonight was kind of an extra stressful one, a bit of an argument with significant other (who I am in a long-distance relationship with.) Along with a little bit of additional stress. Had a brief urge to go on an extra gambling trip to the casino, proud of myself for resisting it. My significant other has a bit of a drinking problem, when I found out he was at the bar again in the state where he works, I was tempted to go gamble but I realized two wrongs don't make a right and why should I let his drinking problems push me into problem gambling more than what I have allowed myself to gamble. So proud of myself tonight. One urge resisted ( gambling that I didn't plan on. , so not allowed!)So it would've been a mistake, it would've been emotional driven. Instead I managed to stay home and watch TV. I feel better for the fact that I resisted. It's when the emotions push us to go do it that it would be the worst of all. Would be more likely to lose control. At least in my case. So it's good that I didn't go. I can't lie though, as I'm waiting to fall asleep I don't exactly feel all better about everything or feel great about things but I do feel good about my decision not to gamble as I think it would've only made it worse and I would've been more likely to spend too much etc.

Well done - you made good decision ---maybe take a hot bath to relax and will help you sleep in future...

Sorry to hear about other half....maybe you need more time together ....even talking and seeing each other via skype?

I find it a big task sometimes to arrange to meet with friends when i have had urges before......it has always been an easier option to just gamble............as it's hard sometimes getting people out especially week nights.......plus even when i do go out i never ready to go in when everyone else wants their beds lol

However my new answer is just doing stuff alone ......even if thats a bit sad..........its better than gambling ..........

it's never easy though..........we just have to be in control of what we want out of life.

Regards

Wayne (day 17 gamble free) 17 days a winner

and yes you're right...........the decision to not gamble doesn't solve all our problems but at the same time, it also doesn't add a load more that we really could do without.................

As usual thanks for the responses having this back-and-forth dialogue is helping me more than if I just posted on my own. Remember I am the one that still is allowing myself to gamble some but yet I still recognize that the emotional urges of the argument the other night with my other half were not what I should let drive me in the casino. That it's different if I plan one night out of week and see if I can control myself on a planned preset night than that day when I just wanted to go because of the emotional problems so I am proud of myself for not going. Incidentally tomorrow night will be a test it is my self allowed night of the week to gamble. So we will see how I will do. I'm trying to remember all the lessons that are in my head and think about everything else I want out of life and stick to limits. As I've said 1 million times before, I may not be able to, I may eventually learned that I have to quit altogether. But as a former alcoholic who learn to control my drinking, I'm still trying to learn the same with my gambling.

Also I am taking my mom with me tomorrow night I will not be alone.

all the best... hope you manage to control it as you hope x

Well I spent Friday and Saturday night at casino with my mom saw a show up there got free play at Cetera I did pretty well controlling myself by my goals handing over my debit card to my mom the entire time I am pretty proud of myself the last hour we were there I just waited for my mom while she played I sat next to her I had $120 in my pocket that I could've went and played but I didn't I knew if I stayed where I was at my losses for the whole weekend were only $40 an acceptable amount to me, so I just waited for my mother even though I had the money in my pocket and I was getting bored of waiting for her I told her come on let's go I don't want to spend the rest of this money, I know I will not win anymore and chances are I would lose this money. So I am hopeful that this means I am learning to control my gambling like I did my drinking. Through my efforts that began several years ago and have intensified lately. I should mention, it was not a quick thing to learn to control my drinking it occurred over a period of approximately a year, once I realize the way I was drinking and living was ruining my life. So I think it will be the same with gambling. Thanks to those who wish me luck in what I am trying to do. I am very encouraged by this weekend success. You're talking about me being in casinos for two days straight, having a hotel room in the casino when I could've went down to the gambling floor even more than I did. And the last hour we were there , I was waiting sitting at a slot machine next my mother surrounded by favorite slot machines of mine with money in my pocket choosing not to gamble anymore.! Happy with myself right now. It's a weird feeling I'm used to being devastated because I didn't plan ahead or put blocks in place, this time I did plan ahead and put blocks in place like having my mom hold onto my debit card and it worked out well.

Again, I hope I'm not offending those that do not support my efforts to control my gambling instead of quit at least to see if we could Control before I quit as I controlled alcoholism in the past and present after problem drinking for years. Maybe I am just the odd duck LOL

however, Having the accountability to post and interact on this forum does help me in the changes that I have so far succeeded at, in getting more under control. It is valuable to me .

for those that support me coming here thank you all.

Another morning Dawns where I'm getting ready for work. My job keeps me pretty busy except for on weekends. I did have urges last night, but told myself I could not go because it wasn't one of my appointed preset days for gambling and I don't want to gamble too many days per week or too often as that was part of my problem with control that I had before (whenever I got urges I would go ; would do it if I was bored I would do it if I was stressed at Cetera. )

I just came off of gambling this weekend and only lost an allowable amount of $40 for the whole weekend and worked on my control skills. I need to not be going just because I'm bored. I did good, resisting two different sets of strong urges and watching a movie instead both times!

Encouraged by learning new skills , i'm sure I will still have to keep on learning and practicing my new skills and new control, it's been a hard journey. But rewarding to see myself slowly changing. Finally!