My story and journey forward 190416

Thanks Uncertain Outcomes!

Checking in on day 126 gamble free. Had another counselling session today - really valuable for my recovery!! Good to reflect and take stock of the positive changes in my life since I stopped gambling.

Onwards and upwards.

Checking in on day 137 after a weeks holiday - just back from Portugal yesterday.

Got alot of catching up to do on the forum - like to see how others are getting on. Never really though much about gambling whilst away except I did have a dream that I played a fruit machine in a pub but then woke up and felt such relief.

Travelling home it did make me think about where we live vs the rest of Europe. I can honestly say I didn't recall seeing one betting shop, a billboard poster or an advert on TV about gambling. It's not engrained in their culture like the UK.

Anyway, onwards and upwards.

Day 143 since I stopped gambling.

Sitting working in my home office - which I set-up over the weekend. Treated myself to a new desk and chair plus some gadgets - something I would have avoided in the past or I would have tried to win the money to pay for this 'non-essential' cost (in my mind).

Got repairs done on my car yesterday - cost me more than expected which has meant an adjustment to monthly budget but that's life! I do have money to pay for it so just need to accept that I will have a bit less at end of the month to set aside to savings fund. This time last year I would have come straight home, jumped online to try and win that money back. Times have changed.

Not had my counselling session for a few weeks as I was on holiday and now my counsellor is but looking forward to it. Because of my holiday I've been so busy this week catching up but really want to get back into my daily forum mode as when I spend less time on here the old demon voice can enter my thoughts now and again.

But I know I cannot gamble, I don't want to gamble and life it's getting better the longer I stay bet free!

Hi Tommy , thanks for the drop by and kind comment's my friend :))

Even I with my positive outlook on life sometimes have day's like your describing , not really down but not on top form either if you know what I mean , I think its just life mate ? some days we feel a little sorry for ourselves maybe not even anything to do with our gambling past it just seems to happen life's " Shi..te bricks " as joan describes them on here seem to rain down on all of us occasionally , I think that's just fine as long as we realise it happens but then we need to pick ourselves up , look at the positives life has to offer , even if that positive is the fact that just for today we haven't gambled :)).

Can empathise with the car repairs , the estimate never goes to plan and I've got mine in for Brake repair , service and MOT on Monday morning , I know roughly what its going to cost but past experience tells me there's a " Shi..te Brick " involved somewhere :(( .

I think your right to keep tghis place close , I'm always saying I'm off for a while , say goodbye to everyone , then two weeks later I'll be back on the old diary but if nothing else it's a place to rant , like I just have on your's , sorry mate but as my good buddy Oldham says " It's better to ramble than gamble " God ! I wish I'd thought of that one, there aint arff some clever sods on here :)).

Life does get better mate , much better , keep enjoying and keep reaping the benefits of all your hard work :))

Take care and thanks again for the post

Best wishes Alan

Thanks Alan, really appreciate your post. This afternoon has been better, managed to pick myself up from this morning's blues 🙂

I love Oldham's quote " It's better to ramble than gamble " think he should trademark that one ha ha.

Onwards and upwards...

I have my last online counselling session tomorrow - been looking at options locally to see a therapist. Realise now more than ever that I've needed to open up and share my thoughts/worries/anxeity with someone. For me that works with someone not close to me so I have found someone who has an office really close to my work so will look into maybe having lunchtime sessions every fortnight. If I need to invest a small amount in my mental wellbeing then so be it - I wouldnt have blinked at the thought of gambling hundreds and thousands so it will be worth every penny.

Day 153. Had a busy weekend... gardening, drinks with freinds yesterday afternoon in back garden with sunshine out and onto meal at local Inn at night. Ran 10k this morning, knackered but felt great to do it.

All of these things I would have avoided 5 months ago. I wouldn't have found any pleasure in it as it was time I could have been gambling.

How my life has changed being gamble free.

As I still miss the buzz and 'game' element of online slots I have been looking at what others do to fill that void at times where I feel a little vunerable.

Anyway, I'm enjoying 8 ball pool app on my phone - good clean fun 🙂

Hi Tommy thanks for the comments on my diary.

You're right recovery is so much more than just abstaining from gambling. I learned this from GA which I have found instrumental in my recovery so far. I see you have just finished your last counselling session, why not give GA a go? (I haven't read all your diary yet so apologies if you have mentioned it before). I haven't done counselling myself but I was due to go only for the times not suiting around work etc. I get my counselling at my weekly meetings at GA.

All the best

Thanks Uncertain outcomes,

Great to have a plan to fill the time! I've been training to do a 10k which is this weekend.

Might look to sign up for another one in a month or two so I keep the routine going...

All the best.

Been a manic few weeks but glad to say I've done the 10k successfully without stopping jogging which for a non-runner felt pretty good! Plus we've raised over 4K for an amazing charity close to the heart 🙂

Another key thing that has helped recovery...gonna keep the routine of running up. Maybe not to extent I have been but it helps so at least one good run a week over winter 🙂

Nice to catch up in chat earlier.

Best wishes

Day 177. Not been feeling myself recently, last few days feeling quite down, restless and anxious...

I've not been investing as much time the past weeks in the forum as I should/want/need to so gonna spend a bit of time on here today. I'm also going to go for a run, since I done a charity 10k 9 days ago, I haven't done any exercise due to injured foot.

In the past I probably would have returned to gambling but not today, tomorrow or any other day after!

I must accept that I'll have ups and downs and try to do positive things to turn those down days into OK days!

Onwards and upwards.

Hey Tommy,
Congratulations on 177 days...great work.
Been going through very similar emotions to you over the last few weeks so I full understand......as you say though, the most important thing is that we move on and continue without gambling.
Hope the foot gets better soon my friend.

All the best
Damo

Hi Tommy , cheers for the kind comments mate :))

Just noticed your last post , look we all get a bit down and restless at times , quite a way in I was having odd days where I was feeling pretty Sh1tty about life but really It wasn't about gambling at all just life in general really and I think sometimes it's hard to distinguish between the two .

Life's just life mate and the odd feeling here and there is much better than all the gambling cr.ap weve left behind ever was , push through it mate and you'll soon be back to your chipper self again .

Hope the injury improves soon and best wishes mate and a huge well done on 177 day's of having your life back .

You nailed it " Onwards and Upwards "

Much respect

Alan