Need serious help! My life is ruined

& there lies the important bit...All the worrying in the world isn't going to fix this Rachel. The wishing & hoping it will go away...You have to act! Get into a proper recovery program so that it is clear you want to beat this. I'm not sorry that this sounds harsh, you have our full support but what you did was criminal & unless professionals reviewing it can see real remorse there's no reason for them to go easy on you. You can't portray this level of dread & fear in a courtroom, people who work there have seen it all before, including people who skip away in relief one week, back before them the next. Please, get proper help because whatever caused you to leave your morals @ home when you went to work is still festering inside you, it doesn't just go away.

Thanks all, I'm so annoyed with myself as I did have strong morals and have always held down a respectable job. I have gone against everything I believed which is hard for me to accept. This is what makes me doubt whether or not I am a good person anymore. I wouldn't have even thought of stealing if I was?

I am waiting for an assement from Gamcare counsillors and will chase my gp for the NHS mental health help. I start an anxiety and CBT course the day after my court date. It's the not knowing that is killing me, I have to face up to what I've done and I'm trying to but this waiting around is hard going. I'm trying to live a "normal" life and look after my son but all I can think about is the worst case scenario 🙁

I know close people won't hold it against me but it's just the public shaming and having to hide away from the stares and comments.

I know one day this will all be over and I can try and forget it but for now I'm living in a nightmare and I've caused it all myself!

What's the saying, 'today's news is tomorrow's chip paper'?....or something like that.

I know, but with social media these days things have a horrible way of getting around and staying around longer than before 🙁

Good to hear you have plans in place, but yes, chase them up & stick with them no matter how hard it gets!

I doubt there is anything anyone can say that you haven't already beaten yourself up with. The people that matter already know, don't stress yourself with what strangers, who mean nothing to you may think. Those of us quick to judge others (me) are doing that to take the focus off themselves. As CG's we seem, collectively, very good @ catastrophising but invariably cope with whatever is 'thrown' @ us...Focus on today & the things you can control. If you don't read social media, you can't see what trolls are writing!

You ok rach. ..x

[quote=Rach87]

I hate myself so much.

Rach, you made a mistake just like most of us on this site.

Your young and heathy no mater what the out-come of your case you can rebuild your life with your family.

I do hope the judge shows leniency towards you.

You really do deserve another chance

Not sure what advice your solicitor has given but i know from personal experience offerring to pay the money back with interest even Over a long period of time will certainly make a big difference.

God bless and take care of your self.

I just feel like such a let down and embarrassment to those who know me. No one will trust me again and i will always be labelled the gambler or thief. The more the case approaches the more upset I get. I just want to sleep all the time but I have to pull myself together and be a mum! I can't wait until this is all over now

Of course you feel all those feelings rach. ....we all do....ok so yours is all high lighted with the court case looming. ....and that's why it's even more important to actively seek all the support you can get....to show the judge and the people that matter that you are serious about fighting your addiction. ....yes...people will gossip and titter over Facebook im sure......they did over my
daughter's case....in actual fact her boss went on to slate me for giving her evil looks in court.....crazy....I was at home with my grandson....I politly replied with " your over due an eye test love " lol
And it honestley all died down within two days....
Those that really really matter will be there for you...like I was my daughter.......I didn't like what she had done....but I never stopped loving her....
Trust .....in any circumstances takes time to 're build. ....and is built two ways....it will come in time....
Your right about you're little one.....that's the one that matters in all this love...you really can't change what will be.....but you can make now matter....
Always here if you need to off load ....take care x

Good positive comments stay strong we all do wrong things but doesn't make you a monster yes it's scary but the more you worry it's going to effect your wellbeing and emotional state remember it can get better just have to believe it good luck

That means a lot, thank you x

I just don't want to be branded that type of person by people who don't even really know me. I shouldn't care what others think but I'm feeling so low about myself that I can't shake this worry. It's more my partners family and friends and they don't know he wanted us to deal with it and only my parents and grandparents know that's why I'm panicking now. The stress is no good for any of us and I'm worried as I'm pregnant so need to be strong and not cause any damage. I will get help but I can't even bring myself to talk about what I've done with those who know, it's embarrassing and I feel they don't get it at all even though they try x

Today is a bad day. The guilt the shame and the feeling my life will be ruined is too much. I woke up crying and I can't live like this 🙁 I'm worried all the stress of the court and people finding out is going to cause damage to my unborn baby! Is there any way I can stop it going public??

Oh rach. .. I wish I could say the magic words to make you feel better love...but I can't..
You can't control the press..
Your right though...all this stress is not good for you...your unborn and your little one...
Please speak to midwife..health visitor...gp. ....and your mum...you can't cope with this alone love...
Where abouts in the country are you rach. .do you know if there's a family centre near you...

The thing is talking to people won't make this go away. No one can say or do anything to change what will happen. I hate myself so much for this. All I wanted was to be a mother and have a family and I've gone and caused all this. I am seeing my doctor soon but I need to see a councillor and get this controlled as I can't go on like this. It's not good for anyone. I feel my partner won't cope when everyone finds out and we will split up. It's horrible to feel this way but I don't feel I deserve anything good after what I've done

Nothing will make it go away love...it's happened so you have to deal with it as best you can..
Which means you have to talk to those round you and get some support from the services I metioned
I understand love that you just want to be a good mum ....that's all most of us ladies on here wanted....addiction clouds everything ...preparing for court is your priority now ....I just can't urge you enough to get in touch TODAY with the services I suggested.....tell them the truth....tell them your facing the addiction and awaiting counselling for it.....they can then write to the judge to show him your doing something about this addiction. ..I completely get that your feeling shatty etc....but you've owe it to yourself and your little ones to do anything you can to keep you from being separated from them....stuff what people on Facebook say.....its your unborn and baby that matters...please rach....make some calls. ...tell them it's urgent that your seen....don't take no for an answer.....and keep posting on here....big hug xxx