Need to start all over!

Hi Awayout

Well done on installing betfilter. All barriers we put up are there to help us. Keep going.

God Bless

Charly

Yes.. well done for installing betfilter. Practical barriers sure beat will power alone. If its the free version be sure to get the year license when it runs out.. a good investment, could save you alot of money in the long run. All te best S.A 🙂

Just to mention I have installed the paid up version of betfilter.

Feels kind of scary in a way that I cannot gamble and when the urges come they will not be satisfied if you know what I mean?!

Awayout

Hey Awayout,

Well done, I know that was a very big step for you to take m8.

Weldy

"NEVER GIVE UP TRYING TO GIVE UP" well done my friend.

Just to say thanks for support.

Had I not installed the block last week I am sure I would have just repeated the awful cycle of win or lose over my overdraft.

I must admit I may have been tempted to gamble again had I had cash on me but none on me so feel quite good about that.

Part of the reason is being treated like a child at work. I am intelligent with a degree yet am in a piddly job because I have to stay there because of the debts... until I find something better..

I know my job is bad for my self esteem as I keep being reminded to do 'this and that' when I know exactly what I am doing. But I know I will always meet people like that in life and it is something I will always have to deal with... Some people think they can run other peoples lives for them in the workplace I find that really annoying!

Well it made me feel a bit down whether they intended it or not. Really looking forward to making that break in a new job although the recession makes things tough at mo,

At least though not gambling for today!

Awayout

Hey awayout,

Just read your first post,well at least the one in december.I remember your name when I use to be more regular. Life has been busy I guess.I got real wrapped up with all my kids and family.anything to keep me busy from having to deal with my own changes.

I WANT TO GAMBLE SO BAD RIGHT NOW!!!!

I COULD SCREAM!!!!!!

In exzactly one month I will have a year of not gambeling.

Why do I feel so miserabe?

My husband and I are just not even friends anymore at least it seems like that right now

Why do I hate him so much right now

He doesn't seem to ever be there for me when I really need a friend

My sister and I got into it the other day after having a really nice time at the water park.

Between the both my sister and husband it's as if each one has one arm of course there probally the closest two people in my life my husband thinks she's always useing me and she thinks he's an hyprocite a**h***

I feel so warn out as it seems that all I've done this last year has been constantly work on everyones safety bumper to sheild them from the unsatisfing dissapointments that this world has to offer.

Who am I with thinkng I have the power to protect on that level. I'm really confused not sure where to go from here being that somehow I felt as if I was serving a purpose!

Wow thanksvfor letting me vent!!!

I think I'll go back and read some of your diary by the way if I read correctly (since I've been so consumed in self)I can relate to situation.

Some how I think that we have a fear of being so succesful. Because we are naturally driven to succed mayby we somehow need to apply that drive to ourselves that peice of the puzzel seems to be the peice that's missing.

Is it self care/ self love self acceptance/self forgiveness/self compassion/ ???

Well you probally think im crazy by now. I must be if I want to gamble considering the damage it's caused

Just for now Im not going to gamble thanks again

Firstly sorry Gracie for not reading my diary for about week so not replying to you. I hope you are still going to make it to a year.

I cannot imagine myself getting that far... Need more confidence and conviction in myself. It is so easy to just crumble in to the cravings and then suffer the consequences....

I came back here to confess I have been back in the bookies a few times avoided the machines and nothing awful. Then....having saved up a few hundred of spare cash for my holiday planned a day enjoying myself.

I did go out and buy a few things but then blew the other £250 on the bookies £200 I guess went on the machines = roulette. It was in a different town where I have had 'luck' before and guess I would be OK.

Fortunately I have paid all bills this month but still has made me feel down today. Im going to ahve to stay out of bookies for rest of year as one small win or bet eventually leads me back to the high gambling stakes of the roulette machines.

You can almost see it on the staffs faces 'oh not another mug' when they see you go on the machines... I don'e ever want to eb that mug again... I have read that most of their huge rise in profits came from these machines. Personally it would help me if they were banned. The only option is to ban myself from going in.

Well went home on bus with about 40p from £300 today and it feels sickening only £50 went on shopping /fare...

Completely safe on the online with the brilliant betfilter. But I do not want to go back to gambling beyone my means again.

That few 250 small to some people (small to me once) was enough to keep my head above water for a few months and could have been used usefully instead completely wasted and in the bookies coffers...

Just goin to work out where Im at for month, then let it sink in that I cannot gamble again and be safe..

Awayout.

Hi Awayout,

£250's is alot of money to me but when I was gambling I use withdraw it from the hole in the wall like it was monopoly money and often on credit cards.

For me I see the real value of money now. A £20 note potentially gone in seconds on a machine can feed me quite happilly for a week (treats aside).

Also while the blocking software for the online is hugely positive Awayout remmber that the gambling head really does not give a stuff on what form of gambling it gets its fix. For me its the first bet on whatever that causes the problems. The only solution for me is not to gamble fullstop and do whatever I have to do to stop myself gambling.

All the best to you and your on-going journey. Keep reading and writing. Regards.. S.A 🙂

Yes SA

I totally agree and thanks for not being too scolding as when you have the 'gambling mode' in your head it is very hard to switch it off.

My mistake was I had my card lent to me in good faith to collect cash for some money owed and small spends. ...

Instead of doing that I withdrew the max £300 instead of say £20-£30. I sort of knew what I was going to do with it although I made excuses to myself I wil go shopping and treat myself. 'I have been doing better, I will be able to control the urges/temptation to gamble....' We all know the thoughts as CGs

I feel like I completely wasted my Saturday because of the machines and the 'gambling addcition fix' was not really satisfying as no decent wins. Just a feeling of sadness and emptiness. Do I really want that in my life all the time???

I will have to be careful as I know that when I get like that I get itchy again to recover the losses.

Also get paid in a week or so, so can start the month afresh and bills paid. But I could have used the cash to keep afloat but it is gone now... The temptation which starts the vicious cycle of gambling again is that I have a bit spare 'to risk' of my wages fot the potential 'gains' of gambling. I know though like all the dosh down the plughole my 'good money will follow the bad'.

That saying is absolutely true if I keep gambling I will eventually lose in fact a win might be worse as we all know as it makes you feel a false sense of euphoria and being on top of the world so you bet heavier and heavier to get more of a buzz.. and in despair try and recover past losses...

The threads on the FOBTS and roulette are excellent on this site. You only have to see the number of lives devastatingly effected.

I personally think they should reduce the payouts on these and money per spin but they wont it would spoil their hook to get the punters in and spoil the profits. Must remember that is all they are there to do make money from ME and EVERY unsuspecting person. They are DEFINITELY NOT a source of entertainment..

The number of people like me who I have seen on these machines who said 'they will never go on them again' is inbelievable... I saw one man who said 'never go on these machines I only bet on horse'. Then just 2 days ago I saw him shovelling 20s. Another horse punter turned into a FOBT roulette machine addict.

He was using it to try and win some back he lost on the horses. He won that time but I know where it will lead..

Maybe I will write down my thoughts that kindof helps... If I can stay off a decent time over a month then I know I am on track.

Let Sunday 23/08/09 be my turning point!

I am going to insist that my mum either looks after all my cash or goes to the hole in the wall with me and sees what I am getting out as I dont think I can take this wastefulness anymore...

Awayout

D2 of recovery plan. Dont place first bet that is my new plan. I know what your saying easier said than done.

Just placed something in the intro section about the attitude of some of the booky staff that is enough to put you off betting anyway.

Just the other day some woman I was placing a bet on horses then had a winner to collect. She was there having her nosh and didnt' seem to want to be interrupted. Busy counting the money on the side. Was already paying out someone on same horse a much larger amount. I was unaware of this. She did not seem to like paying out a winner.

Then it was a bet on. She then tried to say I was being annoying when I was standing there. I guess she had some more money counting to do for someone else. She sort of said 'why are you standing there' well I had 2 more winners to collect. She them got in a huff because I she had too much to do.

It made me feel like apologising for interrupting her when really it was poor customer service. The other punter who had a big pay out being counted said 'shall I sort him out for you'. I was waiting for my payout when she was trying to get rif of me...

Well I am just fed up with the shabby customer service you get in these bookies. They probably don't like their job anyway, being pestered for a multitude of things and in effect robbing people blind when it is a lose lose situation as they know if you win you will bet again and just lose.

This post in my diary is not to encourage gambling. Just another reminder for me of why I never want to go back. It is not to say there are not some bookies staff just doing their job but there is a few who come across like they are doing you a favour. (Hardly making money off your back)

Sorry if this comes across as attacking the industry (no I am not). A few of them you can tell feel sorry for you but others (quite a high number) are really stressy when you get served and give poor customer service. I never want to go back again.

Some of those staff seem to want to stay there eating. smoking and staring into space. They seem quite happy when people are playing the machines (an easier life!)

I aplogise to any ex-indusry staff reading this post in advance. But hopefully this abiding memory of crappy service will help me stay out . Especially when like another punter said = 'most of that money in that safe is mine' (little did he know it was mine too 1000s).

In effect I have been paying people like that's wages, and for what to become addicted, financially in dire straits and on more occasions than I would like a crappy service...

Hope other can relate to the shoddy laid back service and some staff almost laughing in your face type attitude, and seeing the punter as a pain rather than a customer paying their wages....

Awayout

DN3 Not going on the FOBTs

Did do something a bit silly some cash on something else. Well I was feeling a bit low. Seems I have the type of personality that thinks spending a bit of cash makes you happy.

It might have done but only what you can afford and buying something you generally need

Anyways I suppose better than gambling

Awayout

Hi Awayout,

Just a small point but if you don't go in the bookies then you won't be exposed to shabby customer service in the first place. ;-). Its like you say, if you don't place the first bet you place the second. But anyway you know all of this.

On a serious point. I can relate to your thinking about the more money you have the happier you are and comforting oneself by buying something a product or service. I was brought up with this thinking.

Ive changed my view now though.. money makes things more comfortable but happiness, I don't think so. Family, friends and personal acheivment and fulfilment bring happiness. All the best.. S.A

Yes SA you are quite right. I need to change my way of thinking. Thanks for your post.

I have never had a lot of money but you are constantly taught in society that money ans success are highly valued from school age...

Friends and especially family are much more important and cannot be easily replaced unlike the other.

Today I am going out with a couple friends which should take my mind off £££. It is little wonder gambling addiction is rife if this society with the values of money being made too high. Yes you need enough to live on but there is no need to be greedy...

Hope everyone is battling their urges and spending time with loved ones or other things to occupy them rather than the bookmakers!!

Hi I stayed off the machines yesterday before going out with friends but popped in town and spent £20 on horses (lost the money in the end)

Feel pretty good I did not spend more but am still gambling a bit on horse.

I cannot really afford this and need to stop. I have worked out I am about £250 in deficit of what I need each month to pay off the two overdrafts I have over a year... The other large loan I have I am paying off over next 8 years so that day is in the distant future.... but the last ten years sure seems to have gone quickly... (in a nightmare type way witht he addiction running rife)

I have done quite well to get this far and not go any further downhill financially or emotionally. I could quite easily be a nervous wreck by now!

I feel that when I have paid off the 2 'smaller' overdrafts totalling nearly £4000 I will be able to sit back and relax a little.

At the moment I am getting much better at planning my expenditure and the cloud over my eyes has lifted a little. The addiction really does cloud your judgement.

To think I was a sensible saver once and have gone from that in ten years to someone who has taken out about 5 loans and 2 credit cards as well as overdrafts.... All due to gambling and gambling addiction and I must always remember that.

Don't have a credit card now even though i could get one albeit with extortionate % rates as I know it could lead to more gambling I cannot afford.

Had a nice time when I went out for a show and meal with friends..

Looking forward to seeing days ahead with much less gambling and tackling my daily problems in more positive ways...

Trust people are finding strength and seeing the light ahead whatever the difficultes encountered before!

Awayout