Need to start all over!

Hi Awayout.... well done for not gambling, does that include lottery as well??

Its hard isn't it when you have a difficult boss. Its hard not to speak ones mind in an angry way. The best way is to say nothing when feeling angry. It is not easy I do not find it easy. Am ok at the moment, my immediate boss is a reasonable and friendly person, long may that last. Just be civil and business like if its got that bad and look for another job.

All the best mate... S.A 🙂

I should have been calling into this site more the last few months. Where this year has gone I do not know!?

The last week I could not connect to the internet and reset my computer. To cut a long story short my gambling blocking software (plevnaf9) was wiped off. I got tempted over the last couple days and have spent the last couple hundred on my credit cards on a new site.

Realising my stupidity I have now contacted the blocking software company and reinstalled via a link they provided and self excluded. A lifesaver.

I am now but, a bit too late.

Feel a bit numb with what I have done. I have made this month much tighter than it should have been. No money left for treats etc.

This time I am keeping quiet about this in the family as not a good time of year. I am safe now from gambling. What a fool I have been opening a new account and going on the roulette.

This has ruined my financial target for paying off a certain amount of debt by the end of the year. Lesson learned. At least I am much better equipped to deal with these situations.

I really want to stop all forms of gambling at the moment including lottery. It is just not helping me..

Must keep my chin up. I know there are a lot of people who would like to be here and aren't. Especially poignant on Remembrance Sunday.

Awayout

I have finally realised I am no good at handling money anymore. At the moment despite having little disposable cash I am living in cloud cuckoo land as I am kind of protected from the reality of really hefty bills still at home with parents.

I recently relapsed when my computer was reset and the blocking software inadvertently removed I sold some stuff but instead of paying of this new gambling debt I racked up a bit more debt (roughly £500) by buying more stuff.

All my cash goes on a rent contribution, monthly loan and credit card payments/ overdraft fees and spending on things I do not need.

I know the reality of the situation is that without the cushion of living at home I would have to seek help from D.S.S. etc because my small wage would not cover my living costs etc and probably need a financial option like IVA etc or offer a small monthly payment etc..

I should be rolling in it by my age. Gambling keeps rearing it's ugly head from time to time which sets me back again.

I also seem to waste any money in my hand which is another form of loss. So, I need to keep my spending in check on all things not just gambling just buying the essentials and the odd treat.

Some things have improved at one time I could not have dreamed of having any spare cash for treats like clothes or a cinema show, as everything was going on gambling. However I still have to watch myself.

Sorry for my ramblings - anyone reading this - as I need to write these thoughts for myself.

I also know I am still spending a few hundred a year on lottery and scratchcards which I must stop as this money can go on bills/essentials and hopefully one day treats.

I used to be so careful with money having come from a fairly working class and poor background/single parent family when parents separated. I never thought I would end up like this in nearly middle age!!

Well it's time to change. I hope my brain is taking this on board. It is no longer exciting or cool to spend out on items I do not need and are doing nothing towards improving my life or getting my debt down.

I am looking forward to the day my finances are straight owing nothing to anyone and things getting back to 'normal' again

Awayout

Hi Awayout,

Good to see you post. Yes i'd agree that you are cushioned from feeling the full effects of your gambling (and overspending) which is perhaps why your motivation to stay stopped from gambling and overspending goes by the way side from time to time. BUT your also in the ideal position (if there is such a thing) to deal with your debts whilst you are still living with your family.

You know my thoughts on the matter. Bankruptcy or an option just short of bankruptcy would give you the option of a fresh start and perhaps motivate you to knock the gambling on the head once and for all.

Having said all of that, I do understand how hard it is to take decisive action and make changes. As ive said in my diary many times...nothing changes if nothing changes. Its hard to step off the merry go round that is compulsive gambling. Keep posting mate. Regards... S.A

Thanks so much for your post S.A.

I truly want to step off the compulsive gambling merry-go-round

I strongly believe I have wasted too many years worrying and not enough time putting things in action.

I am at a stage (40 next year) where if I do no put things in action soon my life will suffer in the future and quite a few of my dreams will not be realised.

It definitely is not so merry!

Hope you are doing well.

From Awayout

I understand my friend. I am 42 next year. I have similar worries.

More time passes

Keep posting mate... S.A

Thanks for the reply.

It really does not bother me the upcoming big 4-0, it is just the rest of society says we should have done this or that or expect us to have done.

All I can say is 'yes' I have not achieved great riches or financial security, and yes maybe I should have done and 'yes' my life may not be the stereotype house, car, stable job married with 3 kids but all I would say is everyone's life is different and should be respected as long as they are not hurting anyone else unnecessarily .

In fact the more time goes on and the more I see people come and go, the more I think who gives a **** what other people say or do. If they don't want to socialize with me as I am a bit of a loner and don't fit their idea of what I should be then tough, they don't deserve my good company!!

The older we get the less relevant age becomes

Awayout

Well said mate... your life is your life and my life is my life.

What others may or may not think of my life is quite frankly none of my business and I don't really care.

As you say "The older we get the less relevant age becomes"

Take care mate... S.A 🙂

Thought I had better post..

December is always a tricky month for me as I always seem to be useless with money and gambling becomes a bigger temptation for some reason.

Have been doing the bigger scratchcards again = which I am not proud about. £5 and £10.

The same result as usual lose overall...

Just managed to get enough together for presents etc. Not too many to buy these days...

In December I always look back over the year and see how well I am doing getting my debt down etc and ask myself am I happy what I am doing??

At the moment it seems like things are going smoother but the debt is going down slower than I would like... overspending the main issue gambling now a lesser issue, but would be better off with no scratchcards or lottery..

I have actually only got my debt down by another £1000, since the start of the year but I am on a low wage so it is tough.. overdraft charges etc are high.. but at least I an heading in the right direction..

Must pull the purse strings in tight next year as I don't want to be paying it off still in 10 years time... at the moment it should be around 4 more years.. if I am careful and no reckless spending or gambling...

I am looking forward to the day I am no longer a slave to the bank/gambling and have my own money to treat myself..

Awayout

Hi Awayout... its good to post and thanks for your post on mine.

I always read your diary as I see some one at a similar stage of life with similar life issues, worries and fears to me.

I can understand why you do what you do. I can appreciate the feeling of finding it hard to move forward in life to something new to something better.

Here's to better times in the year to come Awayout. Stay well clear of those gambling binges on the machines or online and keep those lottery products to a minimum if you can. Take care my friend... S.A 🙂

Hi Awayout,

No post this year? How are you? It be good to read an update, good bad or indifferent. Happy Easter... S.A

Just to let people know partly due to using a new email and wanting a fresh start I am now going to use the ID Awayout2

I assure everybody it is me though!

Thanks for your continued support SA

Hope you are doing ok, you were the first to ever comment on my diary and the support is still really appreciated. Giving up is so tough, Do your best it is all we can do.

Thanks and best wishes,

Jim

Hi found myself looking at this forum again! Debt has not got a lot better have given up the heavy gambling for about a year now - feel great. Lottery is still too much a part of my life - false dreams etc etc.

Should be posting more. I know that the 'gambling big with money I can't afford' ie credit etc has entered my head. I know I get more tempted when money is tight as teh gambling tells you there could be an 'easy' win on the horizon. Well xxxx you gambling.

I should be putting those £2s in a pot and saving for a nice holiday or something

Awayout

Hi Awayout...

You have done well to stay off the "heavy gambling" for about a year. That is progress

Keep reading and writing and yes start putting them £2 coins in a jar

Regards... S.A