Hi all,
I am starting my 4th (and hopefully last) recovery diary.
Long story short; I am at rock bottom.
I have absolutely no money to my name until payday (next Friday) and am seriously down in the dumps. My addiction has been going on for nearly 10 years now, and after almost getting over it during the summer I have massively relapsed these past couple of months, and find myself potless once more.
I am 29 years old and still live with my parents, who are semi-aware of my problem (we last had a blazing row/discussion about my situation 3 years ago, and my situation hasn't improved; if anything it has got worse). I think possibly they are afraid to ask me how I am doing for fear that I'll say "I'm still penniless".
I am totally ashamed of myself, other friends of mine (the very few I still have) are settled down, in their own places, married, have kids etc. whereas I'm still at home with my parents. I feel embarrassed just typing it.
With a week to go until payday, I have resorted to borrowing some money off my brother, not for the first time. He has been unemployed for some time and has only just begun a new job, so I feel guilty asking him for money when he isn't exactly rolling in it himself.
Simply put, this has to stop. I need to take some responsibility and muster up some willpower to beat this addiction.
Short term, my goal is to save as much as possible. I take home a reasonable wage every month, so there's no reason why I shouldn't be putting at least half of that into a savings account. After paying rent/housekeeping and car maintenance, this should leave me with enough to get through to the next payday. I don't really want to have to live from payslip to payslip, but I put myself in this situation, I need to get myself out of it.
I have started recovery diaries on here before and abandoned them after a few weeks. I don't have easy access to a computer so am not always able to post daily entries.
The most frustrating thing is that I KNOW I can beat this, but every month the same thing happens; the rational part of my brain goes "cheerio" and before you know it, I'm in exactly the same position. This has happened month after month for the past 9 years.
So, here begins a new chapter. A new beginning. I will post a weekly entry (every Thursday) charting my progress, and will detail my expenses. This may seem a little excessive, but at least I can track what I'm spending my money on, and can see where I can possibly save.
The next couple of weeks are massive for me; my car is in desperate need of a service, and there are a couple of problems that need rectifying, so I simply cannot afford to gamble any more.
It is a slippery slope, and if I get any lower than this I really fear for my own wellbeing.
I want to view this as a turning point. My life begins properly now.
Welcome back elproducto
Given how this place is your main support why not use some of those savings when you get them and buy a simple second hand computer? Enough to get you online and get this support daily?
Only a thought
Tri
Hi Tri,
Thank you for the message.
I may just do that. Been doing some thinking this morning, and am going to set myself a savings goal of at least £600 every month. I think it is a realistic goal, and should leave me with enough left to get through the rest of the month, and should also cater for any emergencies should they arise.
I am to have around £3000 saved by the end of the year. My savings currently stand at 0, so this is something to work towards.
Next Friday can't come soon enough!
Payday in 2 days, this is such an important day for me.
I am currently penniless, but to be honest I don't need to buy anything until Friday.
I have set up a standing order to put some money into a savings account each month, and will also withdraw some cash and stash this away as extra savings.
I woke up this morning feeling extra determined to beat this addiction and move forwards. I have had countless mornings like this however, and quickly succumbed and blown all my money with the drop of a hat.
This month WILL be different though, and I plan to keep this diary going for as long as possible. I hope I can count on your support to get me through this.
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