Thank Suzanne for the positive comments as always 🙂
Day 150 today, another milestone. 5 months tomorrow I think since my last bet on 29/11/14
I have a lot of recovery yet to do, especially to prove to my loved ones I'm not going to continually put them through what I have. I am lucky to have them and will repay their faith in me, no question of that.
I've been looking at a few courses to further my career at night school. Not really something I've had interest in before but now I'm not rushing about lying and scheming I feel like I would enjoy this.
A strange urge to gamble today, I don't think it was real, I think I was testing myself. I was going to the post office to post a parcel and there is a bookies next door. Which makes sense - pick up your giro - straight to the bookies! Anyway, I was vividly visualising when I've gambled in there before and won. I was picturing feeding in £20 notes into the FOBT. I had to have a bit of a word with myself but think it was just my inner devil playing with me! There was no chance I was going to gamble, I'm well and truly out of that frame of mind. Weird and a bit concerning nevertheless.
The next few days brings payday. My wage is going in my wifes bank anyway and we have some things to save up for so won't really make much difference to my life.
Still trying to train for the manchester 10km run next week, not getting very far! Went out at 6am this morning with good intentions but gave up after 2km! I think it was a case of a niggling injury, the cold air and no carbs to fuel me. Going to get upto 7.5km by the weekend and maybe get a 10km in middle of next week. Very hilly where I live so should be much easier on the day as Manchester is really flat.
Day 151
Was just reading an article about a girl in America that got hooked with gambling and went on a bank robbery, throughly good read if anyone gets the time. I'll try and post the link but it's in the magazine on the B B C website if it doesn't allow me.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-32481834
My finances looked to have been sorted today, so at least I'll know how much I can afford each month. Up to now I've been living a bit of a false economy, over-spending because i never really had a proper repayment plan. Think the structure will help me, and if I want more money I'll have to go and work for it!
Thanks for popping by with your lovely message,
It feels sooomuch better doesn't when we sort out finances out, to a plan we can afford,
151 days is a great achievement, keep doing what you are doing and keep winning.
Suzanne xxx
152 days
It sure does feel better to know all my finances are taken care of. Although there is a sense of realism now, as I've probably been guilty of distracting myself from the fact I've really got to tighten the belt.
It's basically 5 years of a debt repayment plan, the monthly repayment is about 25% of my salary. Hopefully as the years go on my salary will increase and it will be less of a burden. Also we have some credit cards and another loan which will be paid off in the next year so that will ease some pressure. Just a case of getting on with it and living within my mean, and most importantly, not gambling!
No thoughts of gambling, although I have been advising people of how to make money risk fee from match-betting. I can't do it as I am self excluded and probably had account with them all anyway! Just thought I'd would be nice for a few friends to earn a couple hundred pounds for nothing!
Well done on 152 days tears glad to read you doing so well.
You been watching much of the world championships? A couple of shocks last night.
Keep strong mate
Hi Taxi man.
Sure have. I like to see some different faces do well. Especially as Ronnie has said he doesn't get a buzz out of it any more.
Wouldn't like to pick a winner would like Trump to win it I think...just because of his shoes!
Hey mate between him and Murphy looking solid not keen on his red suit much. Bingham getting better with age it seems was on for a 147 against Ronnie at one stage.
McGill was a story heard of him but first I've seen him play.
Day 153
No urges to gamble. Find that reading of peoples diaries of them going so long without gambling and slipping up is encouraging me to stay on the straight and narrow.
I think it's complacency that starts it. Not sure if my wife and mum believe me but it feels different than any time before. I don't see gambling as an option, it used to be my hope. Hope of winning, hope of paying off debts. It was misguided and only now I truly see it.
Lots of good things lined up for the future.
I think when you stop gambling you are used to instant fixes, you want your life to change for the better immediately. Whilst I do feel better from not gambling there is plenty of progress to be made for me to live my life to the fullest. Might take a few years to get to where I want to be but I feel confident and content with that.
Long weekend coming up, no real plans yet. Seen a couple of jobs I might apply for, going to study them and send off a pimped up CV I think.
Day 155
Trying to shake off a bit of a cold/sore throat.
Finding myself a lot more focused since my money situation is now somewhat sorted and I know what's coming in/out
Off for a jog today, got a little route which is about 5k, keep beating my time so getting fitter. Got a 10k a week today so going to up the distance.
No urges to gamble, no dreams of winning big. Happy as I am.
Great snooker match last night, wanted Judd to win initially but Binghams emotions at the end were heart warming. Certainly rooting for him in the final.
Looking to book a trip to York with my mate to watch the UK Championship. I've been steering away from looking that far into the future recently because of my money being uncertain. At least I now can plan as I know what I can afford.
Day 156
No urges to gamble. Trip to Ikea has worn me out!
Managed to get tickets for next years World Championship Snooker final so looking forward to that, only 365 days to go!
Last few days to do some running before my 10k on Sunday. Stiffened up a bit from the last 2 days running so resting today before 2 days running, game of squash and last run on Friday. Keeping up the fitness too as I am sure it's helping with my mood.
Day 157
First day back at work after the long weekend. Bit of insomnia last night means I'm cream crackered.
Going to make an appointment at the doctors to discuss my insomnia as I still find it hard to sleep and am still anxious at times despite my problems being under control.
Really on the countdown to the summer now, 4 weeks until I go to Brighton for the weekend and 7 until Greece. The running is going well so hopefully shift a bit of fat by then. Although weighed myself today and despite a good diet and lots of excercise I appear to have put a couple of pounds on! I can flucuate quite a lot so not worried about that.
Well done on 157 days tears, I hope you get your insomnia sorted, the anxiety we still get I believe is part of the recovery progress,
Let's face it, gambling screwed our minds totally up, guess it will take time for the occasional anxiety to go (if it does lol)
In any case it beats the permanent sleepless nights and 24/7 anxiety we experienced when we were in the grip of gambling.
Take care and keep strong
Suzanne xx
Thanks Suzanne,
Slept better last night, exhaustion coupled with some cheap sleeping tablets from asda.
Had pool night last night, signed up last week after a year or two out of the game. 2 wins out of 2 can't be bad! Always ended up on the bandit on pool night and barely concentrated on the game itself so enjoying it much more.
I had been doing the football card which is effectively gambling, however I do it as a donation as the money goes to the club, usually for the food on the night. If I win I give the amount to charity.
G.A would totally frown on that but I'm comfortable with it.
Tomorrow is big voting day, will be my first time at a general election despite being 34! Finally decided on my vote, took a while. Won't get into this on here!
No gambling thoughts which is nice!
And its day 158
Ah my Day 158 post has disappered. Hopefully they will restore it.
Day 159.
Nothing really new to report. No thoughts of gambling. It's rather shoved in your face at times through advertising but I'm doing a good job of not letting it bother me!
Mood is high. Looking forward to the election results.
Went to bed a 8pm last night and slept right through, think that helps with the mood!
hi tearsofaclown. Quite agree too many adverts of gambling. Not right when they advertise at peak viewing times when youngsters see them and grow up thinking it is perfectly normal to try gambling and also very annoying to myself! Cant believe E4 not broadcasting today. Dont they think we are responsible enough to cast our vote without taking the channel off air in case we get so embroiled in watching them we will forget to vote? lol.
Nothing better than a good nights sleep to make our mood so much better. I am finding I go to bed earlier, wake up earlier (mind you I have a 4 month old puppy who ensures I get up now!! but best thing for my mood.) I now have K9 on devices, cash only and find this all helps. My daughter ran the london marathon last week and we all went up to cheer her on. So proud of her as arthiritus in both knees but trained hard for months. Says exercise is addictive as a year ago she hadnt done any running before. She says it definetly gives a good feel factor. Hope the doctor sorts out your imsonia. I was given anti depressants for it but turned out it gave me restless legs and also made me put on weight!! so came off them and find drinking less coffee and eating sweets at night helps lol. You are doing so well and its nice to read positive diaries which help me know I can do this as well. Mary
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