Never too late to make a fresh start

Thanks for all the encouraging comments!

Last 24 hours I've had terrible toothache, got some antibiotics on Thursday and think they are taking a while to kick in. Last night was terrible, definitely feeling better now.

Prevented me going to the gym tomorrow but will try and make up for it this week. Couple of things going on this week.

Tomorrow I am out for a work meal which we have to pay for ourselves, if I didn't feel like I'd be looked down on I'd probably drop out. Don't really know how much it's going to cost but could think of better ways to spend the few £'s I've got. Also doing some charity work tomorrow helping sort presents going to children of different age ranges.

Friday is the dreaded payday, although I'm not worried at all really. My wife knows the money is going in my account first thing and won't let me go anywhere before I've transfered every penny! It will be the first pay day in a long time where i've not skimmed off a few £ for a gamble.

Rest of the week will be made up of work and gym. In truth, not really enjoying work at the moment, on the lookout for something new. Just need to keep my head down and get on with it for now as I don't see many jobs out there which suit my skills.

Mum asked me if I had gambled recently today, I said no, made me feel bad but think there is a good time for it just after Xmas.

Thanks for all the encouraging comments!

Last 24 hours I've had terrible toothache, got some antibiotics on Thursday and think they are taking a while to kick in. Last night was terrible, definitely feeling better now.

Prevented me going to the gym tomorrow but will try and make up for it this week. Couple of things going on this week.

Tomorrow I am out for a work meal which we have to pay for ourselves, if I didn't feel like I'd be looked down on I'd probably drop out. Don't really know how much it's going to cost but could think of better ways to spend the few £'s I've got. Also doing some charity work tomorrow helping sort presents going to children of different age ranges.

Friday is the dreaded payday, although I'm not worried at all really. My wife knows the money is going in my account first thing and won't let me go anywhere before I've transfered every penny! It will be the first pay day in a long time where i've not skimmed off a few £ for a gamble.

Rest of the week will be made up of work and gym. In truth, not really enjoying work at the moment, on the lookout for something new. Just need to keep my head down and get on with it for now as I don't see many jobs out there which suit my skills.

Mum asked me if I had gambled recently today, I said no, made me feel bad but think there is a good time for it just after Xmas.

Big week ahead for you mate and the best ending will be when you make that click and transfer all your money to your wifes account. You have made superb progress, I look forward to reading your diary on Friday and seeing you made that click! I know how you feel about the job, I too am looking for something but everything I find is on less money than I'm on now. Hope the meals not too bad and not too expensive!

Day 16

No thoughts of gambling at all thus far. Mood is quite low, in work there is a culture of blaming and pointing fingers at one another. Sometimes you just have to back away from battles at work as against management there is little chance of winning either way.

Taking a step back today, being as calm as possible, thinking about what I say and do.

Other that that, just had a bag of Haribo for breakfast! :-O

Thanks BA.

Same on the money situation, I'd hapily go work somewhere for less money if i didn't owe so much, the things we do to ourselves eh?!

Another day another dollar not gambled!

Very up and down at the moment, feeling great now but the other day i was getting myself down with the realisation I have so much to do before the damage I've done is repaired, I.E telling my mum and paying off the debt.

I can only do one day at a time though and I know it will get easier. My wife is planning nights out with her friends into next year and whilst I want her to have a good time and not to suffer at my expense, I feel like I am missing out a bit. The sacrifice of social events is going to be the hardest for me. Also I probably can't afford to go away with my wife next year so unless she goes away with friends she will miss out on a holiday, she is relatively well paid so shouldn't miss out.

Oh well, over 2 weeks in, another 25 fortnights and I'll have done a year!

In a years time things should be so much easier, a bit more money will free up and I'll hopefully be gamble free and be able to look to a brighter future, I'll keep plodding away until then!

Day 18

Last night I ended up visualising last time I got paid and I was gambling straight away on my mobile, lost quite heavily and then on the train to work turned it around. Now all I could think about was how good that train ride was, I thought I was king of the world! What a k**b, fast forward 8 hours and I'd gambled almost my full wage on the works laptop.

That day can pretty much sum up the highs and lows for me, chasing a debt, winning enough to pay the debt but continuing until every penny is gone.

So each time I think about gambling I'm going to try remember how I felt, at work, behind my computer screen, physically shaking, worrying about what I was going to do. It's depressing to think about but also refreshing that I've gone 18 days without doing anything similar.

Hello again,

Glad to see that you are edging towards three weeks gamble free, it may not feel like it at times, particularly when you are thinking back, but you are making good progress in the right direction. That feeling of being king of the world, just a little joke by the gambling demons before they turn that platform into sand and watch you go crashing back down to earth.

Keep up the good work, and let those fortnights keep building up.

Ryan

Cheers Ryan.

Another day, quite easy this not gambling lark. I must say I don't miss it. I think about it a lot but I'm still hurting from my previous actions and that puts me off going near a bet. Guess I need to keep a check on that feeling so I don't get a sense of complacency.

Payday tomorrow, money will transferred to the bread knife. Little bit depressing as I've worked all month and will have next to nothing left over and I feel guilty about spending money on a night out for example. Also I've not got my wife a present for Xmas, she is going to give me money for it but never know what to buy! Little things cause me quite a bit of stress, I procrastinate a lot which doesn't help!

Quiting gambling isn't just about not putting a bet on, it's a complete reprogramming of the brain, at least it is for me.

Might go do some charity work tomorrow if I'm allowed out from work, found it very humbling when I did some on Monday.

Hi tearsofaclown,

Well done on your days, good positive post.

Suzanne xx

Thanks Suzanne for the encouragment!

Just off the phone to an online bookmaker that emailed me an offer, thought I'd excluded from everyone so wanted to self-exclude straight away.

Some of them make it hard to self exclude, I know I can't mention the names here as gamcare are funded by them but this one I had to phone up, give tons of personal details and then listen to all my options before I could self-exclude. Felt like the guy was on commission if he managed to stop me from self-excluding, he was like 'Are you sure?' 'Perhaps you could have a cooling off period?' 'You realise you won't be able to open any new accounts with us??'

Felt good though, another creak in the door shut firmly, there will still be bookies out there I can register with and temptation along the way but every little helps!

I must have quit gambling 5 or more times with significant bail outs from my mum/wife, I've been through counselling, hypnotherapy, GA, antidepressants, you name it. I'm sure I've been determined before but this time I really feel I've had enough, no more lies, no more worrying, no more making the bookies richer and although it's going to be a struggle I know I'll be much happier.

Pay day today and managed to transfer my dosh to my wife, minus some spending money for me and money to pay a debt to my mum and friend. Got to last 6 weeks this pay day so January is going to be a lonnnnnng month!

Loads of thoughts about gambling last night keeping me awake and also this morning. Just my mind runs over numbers again and again. For example, I've got £160 in my account, I owe £75 in debts, this leaves me £85. So then I'm thinking, £85 is an odd number, a £15 low odds bet would leave me with £70 but potentially back up to £100.

This is the mindset I need to be careful of, at the moment I'm aware enough to know that it would be suicide to do such a thing.

January is going to be tough so I'm going to enjoy a drink with friends tomorrow and Xmas with the family knowing that Jan and most of next year I'm going to have to be a hermit.

Feeling a bit happier at work this week, not sure if I'm bipolar! I'm definitely sensitive to things which means I can quite often get paranoid for no reason. Seen a few interesting jobs advertised last night so going to persue them this weekend.

Thinking back, I was always quite bright at school, cruised my GCSE's with little effort. Then in A-Level years I started to do strange things, I used to steal money from my parents and buy stuff I don't need, I also did some pointless shoplifting. Not sure if this is linked to my gambling but the money and getting 'something for nothing' definitely seems related. In this period I gave up on my A-levels thinking I could walk them. That didn't go so well and I failed them and ever since I've been distracted by gambling which probably hasn't helped my career any, despite this I've done relatively well for myself, not earning much less than my wife whose been teaching 8 years. I'm hoping with a new found focus I can live up to my potential. Ideally I want to start my own business but think this will be 10 years down the road when I've managed to save up enough to make a go of it! That's the dream anyway!

Hey mate, well done on making the transfer. Stay strong today, a 15 pound wager will lead to you losing the full 160 and then wanting more to bet with, I have done the same so many times! You are making the right choices.

I too can get quite sensitive and paranoid in work, I also cruised through studies with little effort and I also have the something for nothing thoughts. Often a slip for me can happen when I want to buy something and I think I could get that for free if I spent an hour in the bookies and won the money. I like you would be in a much better place if I hadnt let gambling take over my life for many years. Avoid that bet today and continue the slow recovery process and a part of it will be improvements in all areas of your life the longer you go on.

Keep strong Tearsofaclown your doing great! Day at a time works for me

Just read the whole thread,excellent news on the success so far,keep at it pal!