New beginnings!

Good Morning world

The sun is shining and this CG has not gambled for another day 🙂

Strange day yesterday , very hungover for most of it and was constantly thinking about gambling, now i put that down to being bored as couldnt go out too ill or the thought of winning big to get out of the mess but hey i know i wouldnt win!

Strange in that even though on my mind did not really think i would do it just keep thinking but must be on my guard that those thoughts dont turn!

Again today feeling really strong if a little tired , went out last night and not used to having this type of social life again lol

Felt really pleased last night that i am not gambling i almost felt like a normal person just out for a night enjoying herself instead of someone with this dirty secret eating away at me.

So for now:

I did not gamble

I had a good time with friends

I am going to see my son today 🙂

The only down thing is i have to realise i;m not in my twenties anymore like last time i was single and can't really party like i used too lol

Why did i waste all those years?

But i'am not going to dwell too much, life has alot to offer when you think clearer without gambling!

Hope all stay bet free

Lucy x

Hey Lucy,

Thanks So much for the post today! Put a big smile on my face reading that as it shows there are people who are also going through the toughest of times and yet they find the time to show support for others! I think I said the other day you come across as a really lovely, caring person and this is clearly true! I did have a great Sunday too it was awesome treating those closest to me I havnt done that for a long long time! Well it appears you had a pretty interesting weekend, I wonder if I'll ever get the realisation im

Not as young as I used to be (I'm not a drinker really)! Well here is to another gamble free week!!

Keep up your great work!

Flagg

Hi Lucy

So good to see you doing so well.. even with a hangover lol!

I know what you mean about not looking back so much and trying to look forward, but I think I am reflecting, not so much because of regret (although I still hugely regret what I have done), but to try and learn from the past... and it's difficult to do that without looking back.

The good news is that the more I learn, the happier I feel and the more I want to abstain.... so that can only be a good thing right?

As for money.... I have none! I mean literally, I left myself with absolutely nothing.. couldn't even afford a packet of cigs!! But I'm slowly making my way back... and feeling better for it!

Keep up your good work and more importantly your spirits!

xx

What a horrible , selfish , vile monster I became!

Can't sleep as in pain , not just physical but mentally too.

Spent Proberley the most time with my son in years yesterday , real quality time just with him .

We talked alot , even though he doesn't know the extent of my gambling he was aware , how could he not be I ignored him enough !

Really hit home what I was doing, I always thought its me but o*g how did it affect others .

I have cried for the last hour for what I've put my son through , he never said anything bad to me just that I seem much happier lately and I'm laughing !

My son has Tourette's and will always find life difficult compared to most of us but how proud of him am I , he works full time , has recently moved out , has a season ticket for the hammers and is sensible .

What I did for 6 years to him must have been awful , pushing him away when I was gambling , buying him instead of giving him me , he finished school , went to college and started to become an adult and in true fullness I can't remember it all , I just paid for it !

Didn't think any of this till I gave him my full attention yesterday , he kissed me as he left , doesn't seem odd but he never has and I always blame the Tourette's as he finds it difficult to touch , he doesn't like it but I must have only been kidding myself because he had relationships !

This has really hit home what a horrible person I was , the only good thing about it is that I'm not that person right now , I'm the person I once was but one now filled with a lifetime of regrets for what I've done to others .

It's breaking my heart but also making me even more determind never to go back there .

I will remain positive , I have to if I am going to do this !

I have always believed that everything happens for a reason and my tattoo says 'believe' , so I will look at it every day and 'believe' i will continue in my journey of recovery .

Thank god my son is strong and that it didn't screw his life up too.

Sorry to spill all that but wanted to record it so I can look back if the urges become strong to make me see it's not the answer !

How many other people did it affect , thinking now so many have said how I've changed and am really happy at the moment !

What a reality check this has been !

I know I'm a good person and hope I can stay being really positive !

Lucy x

your son is with you on that journey, remember that.i know how guilt you must feel about him, i feel guilt about my parents.they know nothing.my dad is waiting from me some money, i ve sold my motorbike in order to give to him and guess what...i blew them all to roulette.now i m facing the consequences.in all my life they have helped me doing my studies, they bought me a car and list goes on.and now i cant give them back even 200 euros that they need.

lucy, together we ll fight this miserable disease.together we ll climb this mountain.

day 15 for me and GA meeting in the afternoon.i ll speak to the team.wish me good luck

take care and keep clean

Hi Lucy

You know, we all have regrets in life.. all of us, whether because of gambling or not. We are human, we make mistakes, the trick is to learn from them and make our lives better because of them.

It's obvious, that whilst you were gambling, you were in a bad place.. particularly with regards to your marriage. You have now fixed that problem, you have given up gambling and now it's time to look forward.

You need to learn to be kinder to yourself. It's patently obvious how much your son loves you and you him. He is obviously happy to get his mum back to the way she was before and for that you should be very, very proud.

Please don't let the guilt bring you down Lucy. Learn from that phase in your life and use it to your advantage. It's yet another reason to never return to those dark days.. what better incentive can there be?

'BELIEVE' Lucy, believe that life will be infinitely better than before now that you created for yourself a chance to make amends.

Give yourself a break... onwards and upwards!

xx

Today i did not gamble, did not want to gamble and will not gamble!

Lot's of soul searching during the night but feeling really strong today.

My life is getting better even when there are tough days and i know i can do this!

Yes i have huge regrets but as some advice i have been given i have to learn from it not let it eat away at me.

Just wanted to say Mike, thanks for your support , my son is part of my journey but he will never be on it with me, this is my battle and as a mother i will do all i can to protect him and make him happy. I have done this not him and i will not let him suffer because i was weak 🙂

Take care and keep bet free all

Lucy

Hi Lucy

Thanks for ur continued support likewise u can count on my support , the ups and downs in our journey mirror each other a lot the great thing is we both admitted our mistakes in life and av regrets but both are strong enough to realise that moving forward is the only way , my daughter is the one and only reason with stay so strong I am sure with ur son it's the same

Together we will beat this

Take care

Castle2

lucy. "beleive" wow that is inspiration in itself. I hope your post helped you as much as it will help many others, a stark reminder of the damage we do in our quest to gamble. Lucy you are like me a compulsive gambler and will always be and with our determination we are in arrest of our addiction. You can not change you past but you are deciding your future and be proud and enjoy your recovery, stand tall and "beleive" duncs stepping forward never back.

Lucy,

Easier said than done I know but don't beat yourself up about the past! It's In the past and it's time to forget! You are in the present and from my vantage point you have a great present, and a future with infinite possibilities!

I look out for your diary every day, I want you to succeed but the reason I look for your diary is because I truly believe I'm going to be inspired, good day, bad day, indifferent day I always think Lucy will be saying today i stayed strong and gamble free! Your future just screams out wonderful!

Keep it up for yourself, your son, and all of your friends here who draw strength from your daily victory!

Martin

hi lucy,

you are very strong and i m sure you gonna be a winner in this battle.try to focus on the future.i know its hard.everyday i look back to my life and i see misery but we have to look front.life starts again to roll on if we stop gambling.and the urges someday will stop.if we stick to our mission we gonna make it.and your son is proud for you right now.you give a fight!and nothing will stop you.remember our worst enemy is gambling!

keep strong lucy

Hi Lucy, it is true.. sometimes when we think about the mistakes we have made and how it has affected the people we care about it is upsetting. But you are making some positive changes and shaping ur future. It really touched me what u said about ur son, I am sure he is really proud of u Lucy 🙂 u seem like a really strong person who is determined to fight this even when things get tough. U should be really proud of urself. Stay strong and keep going xx

Hi Lucy

Thanks as always for your post. Hope everything is well with you and that you are staying strong! x

Another day bet free!

Another day no urges!

Another day that i am happy!

Another day i have jaw ache from smiling soooo much lol

What a rollercoaster couple of days AGAIN for me lol

Feel like i have really turned another corner and have a calmness in me that i don't think i knew existed.

Today feels good, trying at work but did not let it make me stress and in turn remained calm in very trying and upsetting situations.

I like this!

I am really happy with life at present and the thoughts of gambling even though are always around are not so sharp as before, i feel i can manage them and not be tempted!

I'm not stupid in thinking this will always stay this way but with the blocks i've put in place and the great support from mates and on here i know i can keep it at bay.

I have lots to look forward too in the not too distant future and with not gambling know they will be great!

Thanks as always for your support

Stay bet free all

Lucy x

Lucy.

I hope you face continues to ache!! LOl.

IT is so refreshing to read that those erges are easing and long may it continue.

Well done you.

duncs stepping forward never back.