New Diary - New Start - I can do this!

I would be lying if I said I did not have the urge to gamble most days.

But having K9 software on my computer has made things much better - I have still not been in a betting shop, although that urge is calling me, especially with xmas coming up.

Trying to help my dead see that gambling is a mugs game - I am very worried about him, he has lost thousands recenctly (not that he admits this) not really sure how to help someone who does not want to admit they have a problem 🙁

Having the k9 software on my PC has been so helpful at avoidingthe tetemptation to gamble, but for Christmas I was bought an iPad. Does anyone know if there is similar software to put on here? Most of my accounts are self-excluded, but there are many Maori could set up in a weak moment. What can I do?

I feel so weak, that little voices always calling me to place a b cos it may be the one! I KNOW the damage gambling does, I know how on bet leads to another, so with all the knowledge that I have why do I still have the urge to gamble all the time??

I guess you could say I have fallen off the wagon again.... I was doing really well - convincing myself that the odd bet was harmless. I go to bingo with my friends and for a while I just bought my books - no machines. But now I can quite easily stick £100 in machine in one evening. The occasional trip to the bookies, now becoming as frequent as any stolen moment I can get away with to be in there. Today I lost £250 on the machine in the bookies. I feel like a fool.

Since I stopped gambling I had so much money in my bank, I could buy things when I wanted and my money just built up and up. But now, its slowing decreasing again as I use all I have to chase the losses and enjoy the thrill of playing!

Ok so I know I am back in that place where it is a problem, and I know I need to stop, now, but the reality is I am not sure if I can this time.

I don't want to tell my husband, he will be so dissapointed and then he will invade my privacy keeping tabs on me to make sure I dont gamble, this will only lead to me lying to him and I dont want that. No I must find a way to knock it on the head on my own.

*sigh* Why is it so hard? 🙁

rainbowdream

again welcome.

two things first the nature of compulsive gambling is a progressive addiction which in my mind can only be arrested by complete abstinence from all forms of gambling.

With irony I myself was trying to convey this very point yesterday to which again like many others you gift me yet another sad example of how the compulsion to gamble has a hold on the addict, there is no such thing as a harmless bet to the compulsive gambler.

I wish I knew that twenty years ago it would have stopped a great deal of carnage.

Secondly and most importantly well done for wanted to address your own compulsion.

lastly would telling your husband be the worst thing you could do?? you talk of lies. gambling breeds them and feeds off them.

Just my own observation. As I have learnt and will continue to. it is purely and simply about making a choice that will work for you.

my hope is simple. whatever the choice the destruction gambling brings to your life is halted.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

so today I ventured back to the same machine "just a tenner then I walk away win or lose" - this became another £300 down the drain.

I wont go back. I will stop now. No more bookies for me. I enjoy playing the games, I love the thrill of the feature coming in. But when it doesnt I just feel the need to feed it more and more money until it does or I run out whichever comes sooner.

I felt sick today - I had to fight the urge to hurt myself kind of like a punishment for my stupidity.

Why do I have to be a compulsive gambler? Why cant I just gamble a healthy amount like others? I always take it too far and end up with regret.

I have lost so much money. And I feel so guilty to those who need money, who need things and there is me chucking it away like it doesnt matter.

I am very angry with myself at the moment. Very angry.

5 days ago I said I would not return to the bookies - and I haven't, but this has not prevented me from losing another £300. I went to bingo with my friend and we spent a lot of money in the machines after the games. "Just another twenty" "one more try".

Then when I get home I sign up for an old site I used to play monopoly on. (I am self excluded from most sites now but I recently got married so my new name and debit card enabled me to play again from the beginning).

I have lost £200 over the last couple of days. But on a positive note I closed the account now and wont gamble anymore.

I told my friend the extent of my recent gambling and she was not judgemental or tried to make me feel worse than I already do.

She said we wont go to bingo for a while whilst I sort myself out again.

So that is it now.

How I long to be able to gamble leisurely and not let it get out of control. But something inside me takes over and I dont stop until I have nothing. Why do I do this?

Thing is, it wasn't even like I needed the money - I had money - a thousand pound more than I have now this time last week - so why do I do it?

All i can think is that I enjoy playing the games but I wouldnt enjoy playing them for free. I love the buzz of winning and chase it again and again.

When the hell will I learn???

I feel so guilty. I was supposed to be booking a holiday for my family with that money. Now I cant and my husband might ask where its gone?

I dont want to lie, but neither do I want the aggrevation of telling the truth.

He worries enough about me and he dont deserve to have to worry all over again. Besides, I have stopped now. For good.

Everyday is a hard struggle not to gamble, and on those weak days - i lose so much money.

I have just self-excluded again from all gambling websites I am registered with.

I have asked my husband to change the K9 software password on my computer as I recently learnt what it was.

I have joined the gym to fill my free time when I would normally be at the bookies.

I will try harder to refrain from this terrible addiction.....

Well we are a year on and things have been up and down. I have gone through phases of gambling and not gambling, mainly gambling. I have not gone stupid, but I have lost more than I should have done, money that could have been spent on better things.

I need a loan at the moment, so I went to my bank and they told me that because of the gambling transactions on my account they would not even consider giving me anymore credit until it stops. I did not know this was even likely, but it has given me a kick up the b*m to stop again, I have self excluded from every site, and I will not be going into the betting shops anymore. I will find better ways to spend my time.

This is by far the hardest addiction to kick in my opinion, well, this and smoking.

I am going to transfer each day the average amount I would normally spend gambling from my current account to my savings account instead of betting with it.

It will be hard, but I am determined to beat this ridiculous habit!!