No looking back

Still gamble free and feeling better mentally and stronger each day. 

Took kids on train today to a seaside town. We had such a lovely day, got there lunch boxes and pencil cases n stationary ready for school. We had lunch out, went to beach, had ice cream..was perfect. The past few summer holidays I've hated them, as I was so unwell I struggled badly with gambling and my kids. This year is so different, I'm loving having them home. I've bought most of there school stuff and were making lovely memories and having days out, things I couldn't do whilst so unwell and gambling.

Not so long a go I reached breaking point, something had to give, I sat for hours thinking about my life, my kids  , my future and I got to the point were there was 2 choices, I had to either give up on life and leave this world and pain or I had to fight. That night I tucked my kids into bed and there hugs and I love yous made my decision,  to fight. I didn't want to end things but I also couldn't carry on with the way my life was, so im fighting. I've got alot of support around me and I'm feeling happier every day, I'm coping better and I'm greatful, greatful to myself, that I've chose to fight. I'm finally smiling and laughing and the difference in my kids is unbelievable.  Mums happier,  there happier.

I've not had any urges to gamble apart from 1 night,  about a week ago  and I used my coping skills to get through them. My blocks are super tight right now. 

Stace ?

*add, didn't mean I hated my kids, meant I hated the summer holidays. Read that back and it could be taken the wrong way with the way I worded it

Hi stace great to see you are getting help you got this I don’t post much as I should some good news me & mrs scotty have become grand parents we got Beautiful granddaughter? do you know how Stephen is getting on or has he left ? 
   Scotty??

Aww Scotty thats wonderful news, congratulations ?

Hope your well. I don't know how he is I'm afraid, not spoke to him in a while.

Enjoy being a grandfather and take care

Stace ?

Currently sat in park with the kids, its so quiet here, kids are having fun and I'm thinking how much things have changed in just a few weeks. Just a few weeks ago, I wouldn't of been able to take the kids out on my own, my mental health was so bad, I was gambling loads,, things were a mess. Now ,my mental health is much better, I've got a long way to go but things are good, I've got loads more confidence and I'm feeling really good. I've not gambled and its so good having spare money. I've been able to take kids on days out, buy there uniforms and give them treats. Were going to go get ice creams soon, but I'm taking a minute to reflect on how far I've come and how good things are right now. I'm happy, and thats all I've ever wanted ??

Enjoy the weather folks ? 

Stace

So good to hear that you are doing so much better, hope things keep going the right way!!

Thankyou lids, hope your well.

Sooo I'm finally starting to do things for me ? i signed up to spinning World 2 weeks ago and its going really well. I've started driving lessons which is also going really well. And best of all, I'm not gambling and feel good ?

stace ,

Fantastic news not just taking up new hobby to divert you from gambling but learning a new skill. When you've a driving license your opportunities increase 10 fold regardless of academic skills. From driving a taxi ( many women do in this day & age ) to delivering take away food it really doesn't matter.

You'll clip the kerb whilst practicing a 3 point turn, you'll forget to indicate, you'll roll backwards whilst practicing a hill start but don't let MH issues convince you that you can't do it. It's like stopping gambling, if you want it bad enough you'll get there.

Next time you walk the kids to school while the rain is lashing down remember that there's an opportunity to drive them there dry, safe & remember when feelings of isolation come knocking whilst your partner is working there's an opportunity to jump in a car & talk to someone.

Best Wishes

AL

Thanks for your post al ?

Soooo am still gamble free and feeling happy. Summer holidays nearly coming to an end, the kids have just over a week left off so tomorrow were taking the train to go get there school shoes and treat them to there ears pierced as they've wanted them doing for a long time. Its so good to be able to treat them instead of worrying over money.

I'm not really getting any urges to gamble, I'm following the girl gambler on tiktok, she's so inspiring, 8 years of no gambling, she's really helping, think il buy her book. 

Got lots of personal goals to aim for once these kids go back to school which I'm excited for ?  il actually be sad when they go back, I've loved having them at home. Love them so much ❤ 

Hope everyone's doing OK.

Stacey ?

Took my kids on the train yesterday to a town an hour away. Cant believe I did it without support, my mental health used to stop me using public transport. Got there school shoes, spare trainers and treated them to there ears pierced. To think just weeks ago I would of spent that gambling and no doubt would be struggling to finish uniform shopping and defo wouldn't of been able to afford mcdonalds and ears piercings. That was there last treat before they return to school in a week. I'm actually proud of myself, that I stopped gambling and have been able to save and treat my kids. They are so greatfull too, should of seen the smile on my daughters face yesterday when I said she was allowed her ears done (something she's been asking for, for a year) and the smile on my other daughters face when she asked if she could have a hair scrunchie,  something that's cheap but I'd never of been able to get whilst gambling. 

I've had a lot of support from different agency's over the past 6 weeks, including gamcare, of which I'm truly extremely greatful for. I've been able to find a medication thats working for me, and I've found healthy coping skills for times when I've felt really low because I do still get those days at times, but I can now cope with them so much better instead of jumping to self destruct mode. I've not had many gambling urges but when I have I've been able to cope really well with them, I'm finding the grounding technique so helpful. I'm sleeping better, no longer up all night gambling or up worrying about how I will afford a certain bill. With the cost of living rising, and my family at breaking point, it was my time to stop. And I'm feeling proud of myself. I've always found it hard to forgive myself for my mental health and gambling,  but I've accepted whats happened. I forgive myself, as that's the only way I can move forward, id be stuck in the same place of self guilt if I didn't.

My family is happy. My home is a nice place to be. I'm smiling,  my partners smiling and best of all my kids are smiling. I couldn't of got here alone. Thankyou gamcare for everything, I know I've been hard work at times but you've always still been there for me, so supportive and professional,  thankyou.

Its finally my time to live and not just exist ? 

Stace,

Thats what its all about. Nailed it.

Absolutely delighted for you.

Youve put in tremendous effort. Youve done something powerful and positive and everybody feels positive and happy.

Good for you.

Happy to read that first thing. ✅

RR

Thankyou RR, hope you are well x

So not much to write about really other than I'm still gamble free and doing really well. The kids go back to school Monday which I'm sad about but also gives me time to concentrate on me ?

So something happened in my life yesterday, something that would of usually pushed me to want to escape to gambling , but this time I dealt with it by using my coping skills. I didn't think about gambling which is awesome for me and shows me how much stronger I am. My lifes changed so much in the last 7 weeks, I'm happy and my kids are happier. My relationship is stronger and I'm finally walking on the right path and its never felt better.