No more lies or secrets

Well one whole week gamble free. Not said that for a while. Has been a rollercoaster of emotions this past week and will most likely be for next few. Would just like to say thankyou so much for all the support and amazing advice from fellow cg's means alot and has helped immensely especially reading other people's stories and knowing I'm not alone in this. Have thought about gambling this past week which has caused agitation and tears but most of all has caused me to really think about my loved ones I have hurt through my gambling and I don't ever want to hurt them like that again. Still taking it one day at a time and just for today I will not gamble.

Hi Clare , sorry I haven't been keeping much up to speed for the last few days , well done on your week gamble free it's a great acheivement and you should be proud of yourself , I was sorry to read that you'd thought of leaving because of some post's , some people on here tend to fly in feet first and I myself also had a bit of a ruck with some on here last week regarding GA and how everybody should have a choice as to what form there individual recovery should take and that's what you should do , choose for yourself , its your recovery and you know yourself better than anyone , if its working great if it isn't then try something else until it does !.

We're all a bit frail and emotional on here at times and things are usually said with good intentions but sometimes taken the wrong way , sometimes just give yourself a couple of days to take stock and then press on !.

The tears are gonna come and sometimes without warning or a care fior where you are , its just part of the letting go process and does ease after a while .

Your doing great and you have that all important support of your OH , so credit to him as well .

Take care for now Clare !

Best wishes and Respect .....................ALAN

Hi merc....glad to hear things are going well...you're doing great xx

Hi loxxie and thankyou hi Alan thanks for replying. Just on my way home from work and I feel ok this morning still getting the odd niggle but nothing major and I just keep thinking about my oh and daughter. This forum keeps me going also just by being able to post on here and read other post is so helpful. It's good to be able to say one week gamble free and just for today I will not gamble. Take care x

Hey merc...well done on days...going great.....have a good sleep today...xxx

Hi merc, you are doing really well. stay really strong not just for your oh and daughter but for yourself too. Take care x

How's it going ....I expect the working nights is catching up with you love....stay strong xxx

Hi loxxie just in from work and works good keeps my mind off gambling when your getting a smack off a little old dear. I don't know where they get there strength. Felt a bit down when I got up yesterday even though 1 week gamble free showed oh my gamble free days and he said what am I looking at so I felt a bit deflated but I can't blame him he has heard it all before. Spoke with my manager this morning didn't go into detail but explained I need every Monday off which he has was fine about so I know I can attend my Ga meetings regular. Keep reading the forums which keep me positive and 8 days gamble free today. Dreading weekend as oh working again and I'm off we are like ships that pass in the night but am going to keep myself busy got a ton of housework that needs doing. Hope your doing well loxxie anyhow off to sleep bk in tonight and just for today I will not gamble. Take care x

Hi merc, shouldn't laugh but I can remember getting a fair load of backhanders when I worked in the wards at night (and that was just the staff!) Sorry, off topic. I have attempted recovery a few times and always felt the first few weeks extremely tiring; I have also worked nights which I found unbearably tiring -perhaps the blend of the two has got you feeling down? You are doing everything right and I'm sure you partner didn't even know what you were showing him! He has proved that he will support you but remember, you are the one going through recovery and your head is filled with all sorts of thoughts whilst he is just getting on with his life/work etc and doesn't have a head that feels like it is going to burst.

Keep busy at the weekend, my love (my house has never been tidier since I stopped wasting my energy on those bl00dy slots). And if you are really bored, give me a call and we can organise a 12 hour ironing shift xx

Hey merc....you've had a tough week with shifts...your doing great....I think me ...you and Annie....should all have a ''sleepover"". Sometime....we could put the worlds to right....we are all winners against those vile slots....you will be fine at the weekend lovely lady...
One day at a time....and together....hey....we could be the new 3 musketers : ) ...sleep tight xx

Hi annie and loxxie and thankyou for your continued support means alot. Well had an upsetting night at work involving failed cpr and broken ribs so been very very tearful today. Rang my oh this morning in tears I bet he wondered what the hell was going on but have slept which I didn't think I would. Oh home now so talked about it. Annie I think your most likely right about my nights and being so emotional is making me more tired have some annual leave coming up soon so think I will get some bloods done and about the ironing hmm not sure lol. Loxxie a sleepover sounds fun 🙂 on the plus side with everything that's been going on have not really thought about gambling and 9 days gamble free today. My last night shift tonight then 3 nights off. Oh working all weekend and plan is house work but will see how I feel. Valentine's day Sunday oh working so going to cook us a nice meal for when he gets home the ga Monday night. Well I suppose I better get ready for work oh taking me tonight so no buses which is a bonus. Thankyou for your continued support take care x

Hi honey. Glad to hear you are still gamble free 🙂 the emotions just keep on coming and coming. Some days will be good and some will be hard.... I've had an awful day today!!!! So glad your husband is supportive... Mine isn't, says he's heard it all before so I tend to keep so many emotions inside because he's sick n tired of seeing me cry. Gets boring for him I guess. a*****e lol!!! Have a good shift at work and carry on doing amazing xxx

Hi star thanks for posting and yeah emotions all over the place at the moment but still gf. Double figures today glad to say 10 days gf. Have my first ga meeting Monday night which I can't wait to go to if I'm honest. Sorry to hear your husband is hard to talk to I just blurt things out to my Oh when he is at home and he sits and listens he has been so good and I know I'm really really lucky he is so supportive but I think he knows things are different this time ie me being totally honest and open with him. Plus all previous attempts I never talked to my daughter about it but have this time which was hard to do but needed to be done and I know if oh is at work I can phone my daughter. It's early days but after reading other people's stories I know I can never gamble on anything again as one thing will lead to another so will be no lottery raffles slots nothing. Going to keep busy my 3 days off might even do some ironing like annie suggested. Payday is in a week but I will have no access to any of it oh has everything in place so that's one less thing to worry about as normally wait for it to clear then straight online but Mr evil addiction your not having one penny of my hard earned money this time. Well will stop waffling and get back to work and just for today I will not gamble.

Morning all hope your all well. Day 11 gamble free and have not really thought about it. Oh at work so going to keep busy as normally when I'm off work and he is at work I would just sit on the laptop all day like a zombie spinning reel after reel but not today. I couldn't gamble even if I wanted to as blocks in place on the Internet. Just for today I will not gamble

Hey merc...thanks for post on my diary...hope today's gone well for you....like me ..I know you can't gamble because of the blocks....but hoping
That urges are getting less....well done on your days xxx