OAU Ginger

Hey ☺

Flying high never ends up nicely in my world lol so i shall stick to the ground where is safe and stable ☺

Good to hear you put blocks in place. I am the one to harp on about them but don't do much myself :-/..it is great safety net to fall on on occasions so definitely kudos to you!

Gonna nag ya a lil more lol...what about counselling? Ever considered it? You might find it useful and talking to someone truly helps, esp if they're expert at the subject. GC offers free sessions and i did use the service before! Gotta admit that i didn't complete the course (homework is needed also) but i never say never & when I'm ready to look bk for good so i can move on, i shall be on the phone arranging some more therapy ☺

Hope weekend is gooooood to you & you're keeping safe and sound! Look after yourself, you know where that strength and determination stems from 😉

S x

Hey you,

How was your weekend? Sorry for sloooowwww reply, i am trying to limit my time on here if I'm honest so only hanging around the challenge and didn't even read my own diary! Lol..didn't see you dropping by!

You are free to do whatever you feel right thing to do so no pressure with counselling or so on. I am not pushing you for anything.
I did all that stuff with outside help but only to please others so obvs that got bk in my face.

You're your own destinies master - you have it in you and you will get out of life anything your heart and soul desires. Go for it!

Little steps forward dear Ginge ☺

Have a good week ahead and keep on keeping on 😉

S x

Lol...we are not here but we are here 😀 i seem to find a lot time at work & that's when i get to see the updates & of course when i open one of my eyes and get my fix of coffee in the system i find time to check too! ..just not much energy to reply me thinks.

Had v nice weekend, thank you. Started off very shaky (had bad week last week and insomnia hit the roof) but i managed to navigate through it safely ☺.
Did have a drink on the weekend, old nagging thoughts of "c'mon, it will help you sleep" took over and yup..i did sleep lol but not the best of feeling waking up. Maybe cause it's been a while since i had a drink :-/..but, lid bk on it as they say & here i am moving on as always!
Runs..hmmm.. not so much my friend, not so much. Am not a spring chicken anymore and am constantly tired...besides i had to make decision of what to prioritise first...i chose vollunteering. It's hard and gets v tirening cause i hardly sleep & usually just go go go but hell...that's life i guess ☺

You made good points there & i was on about loneliness and happiness not long ago. As i learnt happiness is not a place (do'h..who would of thought huh) and loneliness won't fix itself! So yup..major things i need to work on here & aha aha...my sister must of had enough of my calls and visits over the weekend but hell, me is not sitting at home anymore & i guess we just never know when we won't see each other anymore so just making every moment count! (I might sound like I'm checking out but not yet lol..just want to mk the time up i lost with them) ..i took them to lovely place near the lakes (i never knew exist) and what a day it has been ☺..seeing my lil nephew smile is my happiness..it really is! Something negative as sad & lonely has been turned upside down in few hours..

It's the daily choices we make dear Ginge...it's the way we view ourselves and our being on this earth, it's what we can do to make things better and the way of learning how to hold that feeling close to us. For me it's about acceptance, of myself and what can i offer to the world.. i have hurt many people intentionally and unintentionalluly and while i can, i shall keep putting things right.

No major changes, no big eureka moments..just moment in time. Accepting it all as it is. Does takes the pressure off of my expectations of myself - i shall take it! ☺

Stay safe and sound and stick by...this place is good to you so keep taking that medicine needed.

OAU - S x

Hey Ginge ☺

Back online i see. Good! An update on your own journey wouldn't go a miss also 😉 ..no pressure of course.

Thanks for your thoughts. Actually made me smile. I'm not the only one ...hooray lol..
Ya know, i am complicated with these mood changes and doubts. Always have been. Like i have to overthinking the same sentence 20 times. The amount of times i been told "stop thinking" is crazy! Yes..people see that...then i happen to shut down in myself and think some more lol. Am sure this doesn't help me and it is just waste of time but going with a flow is really hard job for me..of course - it has to be complicated! :-/ self sabotage i should say...yes, this come close to the truth.

Aha..drink old drink huh. Yes slip happened but no drink since Friday night. My thinking of it slightly adjusted. I believe rooms i was attending really helped me. Don't really sit here planning to drink myself till i can't walk, just sort of take the edge off sometimes (like after 10days no sleep stint)..might as well have a spliff!..man..can't believe i said that!! That's all i need, bringing vile smokes back..no no no. That hopefully well & truly buried in my past...but maybe i would eat more..hmmm...lol..kidding here and absolutely not laughing but here we go..my crazy thinking :-0

Addictions are the most destroying "assets" to have... how do we hook up on them? Why we feel like they gonna help us?..it's so irrational i cannot believe it.
I can only find comfort in knowing that i realise what they do to us...temporary escape huh...crazy action with destroying consequences...yet, we tend to repeat them.:-/.. f****d up for sure.

But...(there is but here lol)..it's enough to look around and clearly see that putting the lid on them is truly possible and it's down to us to make it happen. It's not rocket science really is it. Accept - commit - change - reap the benefits. One day at a time means so much to me now. Esp when i still seem to go through storms in this head. Nobody stops us to find what we so willingly gave away huh, nobody else can do that but us ☺

Another ramble but here we go.

Hope your week is being good to you!

Yup...poor choice on the dentist tho...how can you get up this early!! 😛

Later you & thanks for touching the base ☺

S x

Hiya Ginge

Just a quickie b4 i dash out. Hmmm..hiding under the covers is not that bad. If you're lucky, you can get few hours of kip also ☺

Listen, this is not easy and never has been. Every day is different and as you know the fog will start lifting soon..time heals and all that ☺

I started to have some shaky days too....but i managed to slow my racing mind as of yesterday..whola!!! Found a cure lol..happy pills ☺...so yup..flying high again, thinking (or not) about 20 things at the time (weird how it breaks my thought process down :-/..which is good cause i just overthink and put c*ap in my head).
So not all is that bad..maybe you should go see GP?

At least it helps to calm down. Not talking about smiling at the movement of opening the fridge, laughing at fly flying by & so on :-D. Ohh..i am not even that angry with kids bouncing the ball outside from 9am (jeeezzz...telling me about up & go these days) or being informed that car tyre is flat and car is balancing on the rim..ha! & then really considering the suggestion of pumping it up with bike pump...heh.. Who would of thought i wouldn't overreact on these things! HP rocks ☺

I think Joan mentioned in her post. We need to forgive OURSELVES for our being..having this nasty addiction and making mistakes. We are not perfect dear friend, we are only human. As long as we keep learning our lessons we will keep moving forward with our lives.

I shall catch ya later..need to catch that jet flight to work :-)))))))))

Lateeeerrrrrr

S x

But before i go... i knew I've seen you somewhere ☺

That tooth rocks!!!

https://youtu.be/DrHkLv2414o

Hey, me again!

On a more serious note, i guess you're going through the dark patch recently. As you well know yourself, time will run it's course, but you have to stay on top of things and that includes being kind to yourself as priority. Only we can beat ourselves senseless and majority of the times it's not necessary at all..however, we are designed to punish ourselves for our mistakes.

It's not easy to strip yourself bare and get rid of all the crutches available. But doing so, opens an opportunity to try something new and see how it fits with your life. Sometimes simple lil things as daily walks or more honest chats with your wife can do you more good than you think. Yes, you're sad, yes it hurts...but it doesn't have to stay this way.

You are still you. Individual who honestly deserves normality, peace and happiness in his life. Let the light in, drop that beating stick and accept yourself as not so perfect person on this earth..it's ok..i can assure you - you're far from being alone there ☺

Keep working at it one day at a time...eyes on the ball dear Ginge! All the time

S x

Right Ginge, up you get (if you're reading this now, stop, it's for the morning but I'm driving to work & with a margin for error of only 15 mins I deffo won't have time then)...Shake off the sack of potatoes (that could be a Lithuanian saying or it could be pure Coo Coo) & go get the flower lady her morning Evian & maybe a nice cheese sandwich! Today (i.e: Sunday coz it's 2moro I'm talking about) is the last day for a while that us blessed ones will be allowed out during the day coz there's a heat wave acoming & it's got Factor 50 scrawled all over it! You've bin in the gutter before & yeah, you forgot how badly it stank, how rank it made you feel & you went back & swam about it in for a while but you don't have to swim with sh17 anymore! You have the power & I know you wanna go it alone again but make something different this time! The triangle is only good to a point, after that you gotta figure out your brain, retrain it!

You can feel better - ODAAT

Thanks so much to Sandra & Kelly...please believe me ladies all the advice you give me is slowly but surely being absorbed into this gingernut of mine :-))....I'm done with making promises to myself or others about kicking this addiction for good, so from now on I'm only gonna make statements of fact....Coo Coo I said if I gambled again I would go seek professional help and I'm listening to your advice, and giving that it's a month before my family holiday I'm allowing 3 weeks for a significant mood change or I'll go see my doc ..thanks for the prompt 😉

And Junie you're right I do have to retrain my brain and I did forget how sh7t and how much I hated being under its spell again...but thankfully I'm beginning to recall how great I felt during my clean year.. OAU once more ;-))

And just one more thing Sandra..isn't there a copyright issue with you using my images without my permission, lol

Didn't you just love the guy with the one tooth in the middle...that's what you call central eating ;-))

Thanks so so much girls for getting me back to the land of the living..the Ginger one x

& how is brain retraining going? ☺..how are ya Ginge?.

Give us a shout and update on your journey. You are never on your own dear friend, keep talking - we're listening (even if hiding in the shadows recently)

One day at a time..no looking back ☺

S x

No point fishing when the best you can possibly hope for is a tiddler & a few crabs 😉

Hey Ginge!

Not sure why Sesuo is on about crabs here...don't think NM would b too impressed with her sharing the "hidden treasures" of fishing :-D...lol

Sooo..not as brainy huh..me neither so kinda half of job is done right ;-))))
Good to hear you keep on keeping on and may long it continue! Days soon adds up & with each and single one of them, more clarity and strength comes along. .you have it in you ☺..believe in yourself!

As of the beauty malarkey...bahhh...ya know...it's good to give ppl a shock cause when I'm jumping outta trainers & all the comfy gear and slip into the dress (:-0) , heels and a tonne of make up and hair do to boot....i am usually asked who i am ☺ ..lol...even by my own flesh & blood sis! ...happy days...so leaving special moments for special occasions only 😉

Hmmm..talking about all that...just recently tried a cure for beauty sleep :-/..lavender!!!! Didn't realise it stinks that bad! Much preferable to spray some lilies sense on the sheets for calm & relaxed sleep! Am indeed on the search for those 😉

Take care - keep it real!
One day at a time

S x

Seriously though Ginge, I am living proof that this can be done, even after serving practically a full life sentence gambling!

All that money wasted on beauty products & you go & ruin it with green eyes 😉

It's there for the taking, only you control you - ODAAT

Hi buddy,

Been a while since I ready your, or anyone's diary here, but back to the start I go, or at least back to where I was before I slipped off the bike,and sorry to read you'v had a similar experience. You know that it can be done, you did it yourself for over a year, now its time to string together all those days together again.

All the best mate,

Ryan

Did I mention...Extra thick? Like us 😉

Ooo, running eh? & when was the last time 'ole blue eyes did that? Clue, if the trainers were made using a waffle iron, you need a new pair! I dragged myself out the other day & let the NM talk me into adding 'a bit' on...The Fitbit registered 80 mins of exercise (we were only out for an hour) & recorded slightly more than Coo Coo's guesstimate of a couple of miles! Shouldn't need to try that again for a few months 😉

Don't forget to drink bleugh & maybe just start with the end of the road 😉