Once a gambler always a gambler? I wish I knew the answer but I really hope not. Let me start at the beginning. I first started to gamble 5 years ago after my husbands hit rock bottom after his mother died. He was in pretty bad shape and to be honest he was pretty horrible to live with, he was drinking heavily and didn't work for 8 months, I took on a second job and to be honest I was miserable. The minute I started to gamble it felt great but it didn't take long before I was hooked. 12 months later I was in 26k in debt. To top it off during an argument with my husband he strangled me. He was arrested and changed for ABH as my injuries were so severe. He went to prison and life got better, I stopped gambling and although it was hard I did it on my own and nobody had any idea that I was gambling or in debt. Fast forward, 4 years and now I am back in the same situation. My husband and I sorted everything out and have been together for the last 3 years, there has been no violence but things haven't been great and perhaps that's why I started gambling again 8 months ago. Current debt: 22k, I've lost 2 stone because I would rather gamble than eat and I'm miserable again. Husband aware that I'm gambling and is fine with it and just told me to stop, just like that, is he for real! I dream about gambling and probably think about gambling at least 100 times a day. So today's the day to make a change, I think writing this diary will help or at the least keep me occupied when I feel the urge to through another 1k down the toliet. But I am hopeful I've stopped before.
Hello and welcome,
You have been through a lot and you are still in a relationship that is not making you happy. It is a great positive step joining this this Forum and I hope you connect with other members. However, gambling can be a strong addiction and it is a difficult challenge fighting the urges on your own. We provide a lot of support and it could help you calling the Helpline or using our Netline to speak to an advisor who would offer you options, including face to face counselling. Our lines are open from 8am until midnight, seven days a week. I hope you take the next step and get in touch so you get the help you need.
All the best,
Ana
Forum Admin
So things have been tough but hanging in there. Checked my bank balanced today and actually finance aren’t as bad as I thought they would be after my last blow out, which is great in some respect but also increases my urge to want to gamble even more as I actually have money to spend. I keep saying to myself be strong and I can do this but it is hard. Downloaded a programme to stop me gambling from my phone which was a bit of a nightmare to say the least, I’m not very high-tech but looks like it has worked. Husband has also been locking away the ipad and laptop not working. Just need to stay strong!
So it’s been 1 week and 2 days since I last gambled and I am truly proud of myself. It hasn’t been easy though. I’m on edge most of the time and I have lost my temper with my partner a few times. I don’t feel that he understands what I’m going through and don’t get me wrong I know that it’s not his fault that I am in this situation but what he doesn’t appreciate is that in the past his actions have offered triggered me to want to gamble and although I don’t want to blame him I find myself blaming him most of the time. I asked him the other day what exactly has he done to support me and he couldn’t answer, he has even forgot to lock the ipad away a few times and I could have quite easily turned it on and gambled for hours without him even knowing, believe me I wanted to but I didn’t. I feel so alone most of the time even though I am surrounded by family and friends. I sometimes think about telling everybody about my gambling addiction but it makes me feel sick thinking about if they all found out. I am so ashamed and angry with myself. I think it would help if I could find something else to do to fill the void, but I can’t think of anything else that I truly enjoy, which makes me sad. My goal for the next few days is to try and be a little bit more positive about my life.
I have just signed up to this but having read your story i realise i am not in the boat alone, im addicted to gambling myself and only now isit affecting relationships family and friends also iv hit rock bottom and now seek help, im proud that there is people like you also making a stand
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