Once Upon A Time

Hi i love reading your posts. We have indeed been to hell. Not quite sure how we got there and the journey back is not an easy one. Stay strong we can do this xx

Hi Elfie

Not sure what your Gran meant either lol

One thing for sure we are definitely on our way back

Well done for your continuing abstinence

Suzanne xx

Hi Elfie - Just catching up with your Diary - thank you for the last instalment of your story!

I'm glad you are working on your 'life music' - it looks as if your 'baby steps' are beginning to be 'strides'. I have now reached a point where my 'life music' is almost deafening! - I hate to say it, but I completely forget about this site for most of the week, and tend only to log on each Sunday for the 'Challenge' and Mr B's updates; but of course deep-down I know that it's a good sign of my recovery and I hope that it's not long before you reach that point too.

Hope the guitar lessons are going well!

Joanna

Hi Elfie,

I am just coming back after a very busy few days during which I wasnt really able to post here. Thought I would pop in and say thanks for the kind comments on my journal, and keep up the good work !.

Reading your comments made me think - I suspect realizing what I had become and how easily I fell from grace as it were, has made me have a bit more compassion for people with other addictions now. I like to think I understand the nature of addiction and how it can strike down even the strongest amongst us given the right set of circumstances, and that this doesn’t mean the afflicted person is a “bad” guy or girl, just that they were unfortunate and need to recover. Here is some more Gran based wisdom for you - my Grandmother always used to say “you die if you worry, you die if you don’t. So why worry ?” - I am trying to interpret this as “Jason you must concentrate on fixing the things you can fix, and not stress about the things you cannot”. I will go back and have a read of your diary now, and see what you have been up to in the last few days.

Stay Well and keep abstaining,

FM.

Hi Diary

If you sneaked a look at FM's diary you will see what a lazy old trout I have been but more of that later:

Firstly, the oscar roll of thanks.

Thank you to everyone who has posted on my diary and words of encouragement.

To Joanne, what can I say? I can hear your beautiful life music from my quiet island. Keep playing that beautiful soul music and soon mine will join in. Guitar lessons LOL. Only just got my guitar back from my colleague who was supposed to tune it but said he was going to 'service' it. Not sure what has happened to it but it is standing sheepishly in the corner, hiding in it's case. I will let it out later today but have to weigh up the 'do I want to cut my fingernails and play or not?' Dolly Parton manages to pluck a tune with long nails so I will give it a go too.

FM - Mark Twain was known to say 'I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened' and I am trying to live by that quote and only worry about the problems at hand. God knows, I have enough of them already without inventing some.

Now back to you dear diary. (quick ciggie break before the confession). Yikes, last cig gone, will have to make an effort to get dressed and go to the shop. Quick break to make a cappuccino. Did I mention procrastination was my middle name?

Right, cappuccino made with a nice little Christmas tree on top. No, not a real one. I might be weird but I haven't moved to the completely ridiculous yet. I'll just go and wash my windows - just kidding, even I wouldn't resort to such lengths to avoid something.

Ok, in my defence of not actually carrying out my promise to do something creative I have been busy. A friend was over last weekend so spent a lot of time with him. He has now gone back but is in hospital after a nasty accident with his horse. If only I hadn't gambled all my money in the past I could go and visit. I will be doing the third (this week) babysitting stint tonight so that has keep me rather busy too.

Right, excuses over. There are cunning plans afoot which I have put in place (see, diary, I haven't exactly been doing nothing!) and I will be doing some much 'looked forward to' artwork later today. Joanna, this has a Lord of the Rings theme you will be pleased to know. Incidentally have just started reading the Silmarillion again. My sister (the older, wiser, more beautiful Princess) has a lot of LOTR stuff in her house but she can afford to buy these wonders (she isn't really a fan but seems to have accumulated them). I, on the other hand, am a poor princess but a fan of LOTR in mega proportions (yup, you're right, I was referring to my size) so have to make my LOTR goodies. They will be so much the better for my efforts (I keep telling myself).

So, dear diary, confessions over, excuses aired and time to get down and dirty. First step, shop for cigarettes - oops, better get dressed first. I don't think spotty PJs will look too good at the local Iceland. Second step, I suppose I should do some housework. Third step, ponder over 'things to do', no, no, no that is the old me ..... do 'things to do'. That's better.

Sorry diary, I have taken up so much of your time today with random ramblings (not easy with fingernails of Dolly proportions).

Once again, thank you for all the posters on my diary. Will check in again with more positive news.

Oh, I forgot to mention - still gamble free. (thinks to oneself 'am I actually using this forum correctly?').

Elfie x

Hi Elfie

Your posts always make me smile with your eclectic mind and word wizardry. Well done on being gamble free, ty for continued support and keep strong.

Take care and best wishes

Cheryl xxx

Hi Elfie

Thanks for your lovely messagex

90 days you are doing it

It's tough but be very proud because you know gambling is not the answer to a quick fix to clear debts

The only way to a happier healthier and saner life is to abstain and maintain

Take care with all guards up and win everyday by not playing

Suzanne xx

Hi ELFIE! I love reading your posts.....they're invigorating, amusing and very encouraging! Stay strong and PLEASE....keep posting!! Helen. X

Hi Diary

Thanks Helen, Cheryl and Suzanne ( sounds like a girl band - The Abstainers perhaps) for your words of encouragement.

Today passed without incident, a usual lazy Sunday. I now have no money until payday so from tomorrow will be attempting to give up smoking (will probably eat more though). If I can successfully abstain from smoking that will free up a bit of money every month so some of that will go towards paying off some debts. Oh, I forgot, the rent has just gone up. Still, things are so much better then when I was gambling. I never want to go to that deep, dark place again.

Time for bed and catch up on reading.

Elfie

Thanks Elfie and I love the Abstainers bit sounds sooo positive lol

Having no money is Shiite but it sure beats having no money through another awful gambling stint

and getting into even more debt

You are doing fantastic, be very proud of yourself

Have a good gambling free day and hopefully a no smoking day

Take care

Suzanne

Morning Elfie!! Yup.... love the sound of 'Abstainers' ....very ambitious tho of you to give up the smoking as well!!! I've tried to quit for years...it's easy...done it LOADS of times lol!!!! One thing at a time methinks! Well done you and keep going. Stay strong! Helen. X

Hi Diary

Diary: "Hi Elfie. Wondered when you would show up. You have been a naughty girl and told porkies. It was not 90 days GF last week. Only 85 days today. What do you have to say for yourself?"

Elfie: "Sorry?"

Diary: "Ok, apology accepted. Do it again and it's the naughty step for you."

Elfie: Hangs head in shame.

Enough said. Not sure what I was thinking.

Anyways, thank you fellow girl-band members. Your words of encouragement mean a lot to me.

We are The Abstainers. "I would walk 500 miles, I would..." Wait a cotton-pickin' minute, that was The Proclaimers!

Still gamble free but not smoking free but as this is a gambling forum I will let this go. Long story so not going to bore diary with it.

I still think about gambling but not in an 'I have to get home to gamble' way as before. It's more of a 'wish I hadn't gambled all my money away' type of thing. But I can't go back now so will look forward to a brighter, albeit poorer, future.

Still struggling to fill my life up but at the moment I don't want to fill the void with gambling so all is good.

Will update again soon.

Elfie

Hi Elfie

well done 85 or 90 it's still an amazing achievement. Think I will have to be the " Bez " of the group and dance badly as my singing is even worse.

I too find filling my time a challenge although have lots that could be done.

Keep doing what you are doing as it's working brilliantly.

Keep strong and stay focused.

Take care and best wishes

Cheryl xxx

Hi Cheryl

Thank you for your post.

I saw your post on your diary and real feel for you. I have posted a reply.

My singing and dancing is absolutely marvellous - in my mind and when I've had a few. Unfortunately no-one else seems to think so. May have to be the one who mimes and stands still in the band.

Went to my sisters wedding a few weeks ago and cut some very fancy moves on the dancefloor. We stayed over at the hotel and I hobbled to breakfast the next morning like an old woman. Wait a minute, I am an old woman - with a gammy hip and shoulder. But I had a good time and they have been few and far removed in the last few years.

Talking of good times, better get to work (ha ha).

Elfie x

Morning Elfie

You are doing soooo well, keep going forwards, the future will be brighter and happier and the debts will certainly go down each month freeing us up with a little more money, that is definitely a big win for us each day.

Suzanne xx