One day at a time

On a positive note im still not having urges to return to those evil FOBT's as im proud of the days ive built up so far (will be 7 months tomorrow). Going back to those would be like all the hard work so far was a waste of time

Sonic

fella I applaud your honesty,it is without doubt true that this journey is one of our choosing,it is bespoke,it will only work if you fully commit to whatever path you choose.

For me the fobt,well anything with lights and music that are my nemisis and all in the 3d form,I am thankful online gambling was not something I ever did,because I can only begin to imagine what the outcome would have been.

I tried myself many times over the twenty and more years I gambled to control the forms of gambling I bet upon,tried to contain it to the lottery,to football bets and horse meetings I could study,but with honesty for me I just used it as an excuse to 'stay' gambling,I would always gravitate back to the fobt to look for the quick fix,the instant win it offers.

I read your thread with great interest,or maybe my addiction does,it wants me to think I could place a football acca,it wants to justify why gambling in some forms are acceptable,why I could win too!!

But my rational side of thinking is the thing your thread gifts me,it does not matter if you gamble,gambling is not at fault here,I am at fault,I am a compulsive gambler,I simply cannot gamble,if I do the results would be simple.

If I lose,I chase,if I win,greed wants more 'free' money,and the final result that zoning out,that climatic chase to end the episode.

To bring on the walk of shame.

Gambling used to taunt me,interupt my sleep,detach my rational thinking,crush my self esteem,because it made the losses the fuel to tempt me back.

I hope that your compulsion is limited to the fobt Sonic,because I would hate for you to be feeling the same why I did when loss came,I don't have the answer to this sh#itt#y addiction,but as I say I wish everyone the same success in arresting what is destructive for them.

Keep racking up the days with your own self gifted devastation

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Thank you Duncs.

Yes you are totally correct, my gambling voice always tells me as long as im 'controled' its all good. So what if you lose an odd 20-30 quid here and there, as long as your not racking up hundreds like you used to do then whats the problem.

I knew yesterday morning that today would arrive - my rational side of my brain as you like to put it, should have been thinking along the lines of two possible outcomes of how i would be feeling today;

В» annoyed as id lost money i could have used more constructively

В» pleased and smug with myself for winning... However that of course is now 'gambling money' to play with

Both scenarios are rubbish for a problem gambler, I know that along with everyone else on here... So why do I do it

I chased the buzz, wanted to feel smug at predicting a few correct results, i didnt even need to win any money, id just been paid, sorted out one long term debt once and for all. So next month i'll have an extra 125 quid a month to myself.

Thats where it needs to stay - myself not gambling.

As my debts go down im hoping ill get stronger, i remrmber early this year getting a credit card balance increase and losing 600 quid in three days on the fobt's. Didnt even last an hour in total. However i treated it as free money not what id earned. whats an extra 600 quid to my total debt anyway, its only a number. Thankfully im in a different head space now. No way am i going to be so reckless. I guess my addiction is justifying my odd few bets

Challenging week this week....

For the first time since May when i last entered a bookies im having to go into town today to get a few xmas presents and buy summat decent to wear for my works xmas do this friday.

I cant remember the last time i managed to be out and about and not end up in a bookies. I think its going to be a challenge to stay focused. Too many times ive thought i'll pop in win 40-50 quid leave and then whatever I buy with the winnings will be like getting stuff for feee... Never works like that... Id just end up losing what i should have been spending on myself/family. I NEED TO REMEMBER THAT I CANT WIN COZ I CANT STOP ONCE IM ON A FOBT!!

Another challenge comes soon as on thursday im granted a 1,000 increase on my credit card from 500 to 1,500. On my other credit card i had an increase back in feb of 700 from 800 to 1,500. With 3 days id blown 600 of the available 700 on the FOBT's. I cant let myself to this again!!

Hi Sonic,

Stay strong and focused today, and win, because you know the consequences if you play.

Stay safe and enjoy spending your hard earned on real things that give pleasure not pain.

Take care

Suzanne xx

Thanks Suzanne

Well I have to say today went better than expected. Absolutely no urges to try my luck in the bookies.

I really didnt wanna let myself down after managing to be FOBT free since May.

Felt good having things to show from my hard earned money.

Just need to cut out the odd football bets, dont know why i continue to do them as all i get from them is disappointment when they lose (i never win!)

Think 2015 is gonna be way better than this year. If i keep focused I'll hopefully be able to pay around 5,000 off my debts by this time next year. Then will just have another 2 grand left to pay.

Thanks NT & Emily

Yes ive heard it said recovery is bespoke. I do feel like a bit of a fraud on here sometimes as im clearly not making any REAL effort to stop gambling completely.

Im just pleased that ive managed to cut out the problem area of my gambling (so far).

Not going to get too cocky tho as it only takes a moment of weekness and i'll find myself in a bookies chasing my losses on those evil machines!!

Xmas works do today - no plans to have any kind of bets 🙂

It was the football which triggered off the fobt for me last night , I used to tell myself it was ok to gamble on football and sports I could seemingly control but the truth is one triggers the other off which it didn't used to.

Since I have cut out the fobt if I dont get my fix winning on the football I always end up playing fobt online and trying to gain my money back , this last week I have scared myself to the lengths or money I will spend chasing that big win.

Today for me is day 1 , I cannot have a bet because I know if it loses what happens next turns me into a gambling lunatic.

Good Luck on your recovery sonic and thanks for your posts in my diary

Yesterday was tough. Was xmas shopping and had massive urges to play the fotb's. Managed to think sensibily as I knew what the outcome would be. I had my credit card with me and armed with a thousand pound at my disposal (doubt I would be able to withdraw the full amount in cash mind) I still knew the most likely outcome would be losing hundreds.... And what for?.. To see a wheel spin around and around on a screen..?

Still placed my weekly fotball bets. I know I dont have a problem when it comes to.'normal betting'

Im likening my gambling to a volcano. It may never be dormant but since may its just been bubbling away. Under control, ive just got to stay strong, stay away from bookies as theres a possibility of erupting once that first note goes into a fotb

Im a big Eminem fan and often interprep lyrics into my own life.... These are from a song called 25 to life

All I ever felt was this
Helplessness
Imprisoned by a selfish b****
Chew me up and spit me out
I fell for this so many times
It's ridiculous
And still I stick with this
I'm sick of this but in my sickness and addiction
You're addictive as they get
Evil as they come vindictive as they make em
My friends keep asking me why I can't just walk away from
I'm addicted
To the pain, the stress, the drama
I'm drawn in so I guess imma mess

About gambling.....

I feel like when I bend over backwards for you all you do is laugh
Cause that ain't good enough you expect me to fold myself in half
Til I snap
Don't think I'm loyal
All I do is rap **gamble **
How can I moonlight on the side
I have no life outside of that
Don't I give you enough of my time
You don't think so, do you?
Jealous when I spend time with the girls
Why I'm married to you still man I don't know
But tonight I'm serving you with papers
I'm divorcing you
Go marry someone else and make em famous ** skint **
And take away their freedom like you did to me
Treat em like you don't need them and they ain't worthy of you
Feed em the same s*** that you made me eat
I'm moving on forget you

Hi Mark,

Hope you're doing ok...they're some very deep lyrics.

At the end of the day, it's your recovery, so it's your choice what you need to recover from. If it's FOBT (I've still no idea what it is!) that you want to quit forever, stick with it. If other forms of gambling aren't an issue then I don't think it's for me to tell you they are.

I certainly don't think it makes you a fraud. Just as I don't think buying a lottery ticket makes me one. I don't go mad with the lottery, I don't hand over £2 after £2 after £2 until I've lost thousands, I doubt it'll ever be an issue to me in the same way that online slots are. I don't get the same 'buzz' from it and I definitely don't sink to the depths of depression after not winning from a £2 lucky dip.

I think what's important is that we recognise IF other forms of gambling start becoming a problem. I'm not suggesting they are or ever will be but I think it's always wise to consider they COULD become a problem down the line. We've all been through the denial stage...not a nice place to be...but I'd hope that, after my experiences with the slots, I'd be able to recognise any new addictions far earlier than I admitted to this one.

Don't be too hard on yourself. As I say it's your recovery and you do what you need to do with it.

Take care of yourself
Jess

Rollercoaster of a day...

Did the unthinkable and spent most of today in bookies chasing and chasing on the fotb's

Lost 110 in less than 15 mins
Went to counter and transferred 100 from my debit card - lost that in space of 4 spins!!
Obviously should have just walked.. But nope transferred another 100 and lost that in space of 15 mins.

Ok, time to walk out.... But 5 mins later after withdrawing 300 cash on.my credit card I was back on the Fotb.. Albeit in a different bookies. Actually managed to get within 5 pound of winnings all my money back but did I walk away? NO!!

ended up walking out of that bookies with 400.. so i was now 200 down

Then went back to the original bookies after 2 hours I was actually 35 pound up!!

But as im a compulsive gambler on fotb's you guessed it - I didnt walk away. I ended up walking away with 50 quid in the end

So a lesson learnt today. I may not have been on a fobt for over 7 months but im still the same old d*****d who is incapable.of playing

Rollercoaster of a day...

Did the unthinkable and spent most of today in bookies chasing and chasing on the fotb's

Lost 110 in less than 15 mins
Went to counter and transferred 100 from my debit card - lost that in space of 4 spins!!
Obviously should have just walked.. But nope transferred another 100 and lost that in space of 15 mins.

Ok, time to walk out.... But 5 mins later after withdrawing 300 cash on.my credit card I was back on the Fotb.. Albeit in a different bookies. Actually managed to get within 5 pound of winnings all my money back but did I walk away? NO!!

ended up walking out of that bookies with 400.. so i was now 200 down

Then went back to the original bookies after 2 hours I was actually 35 pound up!!

But as im a compulsive gambler on fotb's you guessed it - I didnt walk away. I ended up walking away with 50 quid in the end

So a lesson learnt today. I may not have been on a fobt for over 7 months but im still the same old d*****d who is incapable.of playing

..them responsibily.

So im making today a day to remember. I cant forget today and all the stress that I go through. Tomorrow will be day.1 again and this time they will be no more betting on other things.

The gambling industry haa had more than enough of my hard earned cash.

I cant really take any positives out of today except having it reiterated to me that I cant gamble responsibily as I cant walk away.