One Day At A Time

Massive steps Benny! Keep going. I'll try to check in on you.

Today has had a mixture of emotions, I've been upset and worried about what the future may hold but positive that I can overcome this problem. Whilst it's been apparent that I need to do this for the ones I love most, I've also realised that I need to do this for me. I need to keep strong and positive and start taking steps forward and most importantly be honest and truthful when I make mistakes. I know I have severely damaged the​ trust that my girlfriend had in me and I want nothing more than to regain that and build towards the future. I am glad that I am back in the flat living with her rather than being somewhere else, I know it will time to heal these wounds but I'm going to do everything I can to make sure they do.

Time to keep moving forward one step at a time.

Day 2 - Complete

Hi Benny , I am no pro. at recovery. I've been gambling for 10 or so and trying to be in recovery with help for going on 3 years. I gambled one week ago. It seem that when I focus on my life and how I can be honest within it I am much better off than just counting days and trying NOT to gamble. The days add up one day at a time but unless the focus is on healing and recovery it's like restraining a horse. When I delve into really working on my life , emotions, relationships, issues, etc. the recovery journey seems more doable and rewards and the days add up . I wish you all the best one day at a time. It's worth it. I've tasted some of the blessings in the last 3 years but I've got to get more commited. I started last monday. tara2

Hi Benny, welcome to the forum, sounds like you a taking the right steps to recovery. Opening up to friends and family is a major hurdle to jump, alot of people struggle with this and ultimately struggle with recovery. We need support!!!!

I have also attended councelling and try to go to a GA meeting at least once a month, ( work seems to get in the Way). I have found both of these tremendously helpful.

Finally stick at it, the first few days will probably be pretty easy, everything is Raw, fresh, you dont want to gamble and maybe have no $$$ to gamble, as the days tick on the honey moon period is over and real life takes hold again, money starts to come in and the temptations and urges build.

Keep yourself busy, seek support, do something, like the cinema, gym, Pub, see friends, go for a coffee, Anything that isnt gambling until the urge passes, it will.

Make it to 90 days ... and you will learn to deal with the urges quickly, there will be money in the bank, you willl have a life back, you will earn the trust back from friends and family.

Thank you for reading and responding Luke and Tara. It really is comforting to know that I am not the only person who is going throught this. Luke you are exactly right, the feelings and emotions are very raw at the moment so the thought of gambling makes me feel physically sick, I just want to make sure I'm strong enought to overcome those urges when they do arise and to make sure I'm open to my family and my girlfriend about having those feelings.
Today has had a rollercoaster of emotions again. One minute I feel positive about moving forward but the next I feel low and ashamed for all the hurt I've caused. Not knowing what the future holds with my girlfriend is making my head spin constantly. She has every right to be angry with me for the lies that i've told and the pain that I've caused her. I just hope that theres some way we can work through that.

I went for a run after work today and that cleared my head. This is something I want to try and do regularly, keep active and keep busy to divert my attentions away from gambling. Pay day is next week for me so it will be interesting to see whether the urges are there once that day comes round. I want to be able to save in the hope that my girlfriend stills wants to purchase a house together late next year. I know that's a long way off and that it may not be what she wants but I need to keep my head up. stay positive and have an aim fot the future.

Thanks again for reading and for the support.

Day 3 - Complete

a run is a great place to start to clear your head and is a good example of something to do if the urges come.

Another good goal is to save, it gives you something to work towards, you will be able to see increase savings as a reward for not gambling, i never had savings when i gambled. If you want to buy a house next year you NEED to save, for the deposit, for your credit rating, to get approved for a motgage, you also need a number of months bank statements clear of any suspicious or risky spending ... gambling, pay day loans, etc. All of this can be used as a deterrant for a relapse, you can have a deposit but if the bank think your activity is high risk... you may not get a mortgage.

Sounds like you are doing well, keep up the running and make arrangements to open a savings account that you cant access easily, such as a save to buy account

Hi benny231, welcome to recovery 🙂

Kudos to you man for putting it out there on social media, Mr Gamble will hate that 🙂

Couple of things jumped out of your last post that I feel I want to comment on & firstly, I wanted to make sure you are aware that there is support here (through Gamcare phone or through the Friends & Family section) if she wants it...Gamanon is also available should she rather be around people who have also been hurt by our addiction!

The second point is what do you have in place 'if' the urges come on pay day? I hate to say it but even the strongest willpower waivers once our triangle is intact again! You need to plan ahead & get your gambling triangle (Time-Money-Location, remove one & you cannot gamble) broken for when it does...With the barriers up, you can fight the urges much easier! Why not ask your girlfriend if she is willing to help you by managing your finances for a while? I laid myself bare when I committed to recovery so that without military planning (not a chance with my patience) should I have slipped, it a) would have been pennies & b) I would have been busted! This will show her how much you want to rebuild her trust. If you gamble online (even if you don't it may not be a bad idea) get her to set passwords on blockers (K9 is free but there are others out there, again not my area of expertise) & if you gamble in shops, get her to come with you, armed with enough passport sized photos (they can be copies) for 2 each so that you can exclude from everywhere you are likely to step foot!

Your emotions will be all over the place in these early days & you may want to curl up with embarrassment (I know I did) but ride the storm...Recovery is a roller coaster journey that you really don't want to ever get off!

Great work on your 1st 3 days...Keep winning - ODAAT

Thanks again for your comments Luke, really appreciating the support. Thank you also Odaat. In reply to one of your questions, my Mum now has access to my bank so will know anything that is happening with my finances. Today has been the lowest day so far. My girlfriend is still undecided whether she wants to give this a go but it seems more likely that it's not what she wants. She has been looking at where she can move to for the you. This has broken me and I literally feel empty in side. I think she maybe needs some space to see if it's definitely what she wants. On a more positive note I had a great time training the under 11s at football this evening. I felt happy and didn't have any negative thoughts. It's a great feeling to be doing something that has a positive impact on the younger generation and I'm already looking forward to their match next week. Just want to keep myself busy positive and hopefully everything will start to fall into place.

Day 4 - Complete

sorry to hear about your Mrs, i went through a rough patch with mine, i was living with her, i told her about my gambling issues and she decided it wasnt for her and we broke up. It hit me pretty hard, it wasnt what i wanted but understood where she was and the position it put her in. We split, we left the house we were renting, and we havent really been in touch that much since. It was a very difficult time and one i never wish to go through again. On the plus side, i have come through it, i am in a different but better place now, and i am now learning to move on.

The alternative is ... ( and i have seen this a fair bit at GA and on here) the initial shock is overwhelming for your mrs, initially she doesnt know if she can be with you... but as time passes and you abstain and turn your life around, she may take you back.

It can go either way, my advise would be what ever happens, you need to focus on yourself initially, you need to be a little bit selfish and do what is right for you, you need to overcome this affliction and do what it takes. girlfriends , family friends are all important, but in this recovery process you are the most important.

Thanks Luke, sorry to hear that you went through the same situation. I think you're right though, I've been selfish for all the wrong reasons before but I need to get better. Yesterday was pretty low, work was tough to concentrate as I just felt so drained and then to come back to the flat and hardly talk to my girlfriend was awful. I literally did not know what I could say to her and I still don't know what she thinks is best going forward. She's been making little remarks sort of accusing of me cheating which is horrible as I would never do such a thing yet it's going to be almost impossible for her to believe me. Today's a new day though and I can't wait to play football this afternoon and put my mind elsewhere. Thanks for reading and have a great weekend.

Day 5 - Complete

So it's been a couple of days since I last checked in and it's been an emotional roller coaster. Very pleased to say that I still haven't put a bet on or had an urge. Just waiting for that to happen though. I'm back living at home as my girlfriend (or should I say ex now) doesn't want me living in the flat with her. It all kicked off on Saturday because she was very upset and unstable and rather than seeing her and comforting her, I continued with my plans. I know I need to be putting myself first and making sure I get better but I hate the way it's affecting the ones I love when I do that. Hopefully counselling tonight will help me think through all my options and only time will tell whether I still have a future with her.

Days 6 and 7 - Complete

So today everyone's got out exactly how they feel about the whole situation which has been very useful. Counselling this evening has made me think about exactly what I want and after talking to my girlfriend we have decided that we would only regret it if we didn't give it one last shot. All this distraction has made me not even consider gambling and I hope that urge will stay away. No doubt it will creep back at some point but I'm being strong, sticking up for myself and making sure that I become mentally stronger to crush this problem!

Day 8 - Complete

Glad thing are looking more positive, what a difference 8 days can do, think what a difference 80 will make.

Glad your girlfriend is giving you a shot, use it as a reminder that this is your last chance, any more gambling and you will lose her... i lost mine after the first strike ...ouch!!!

Have you consodered GA meeting as well as councelling? I did both and found the twin pronged attack really useful.

Glad you are doing well, keep it up and keep posting.

Thanks Luke. I would love to get to 80 days now and see what things are like! I have considered attending one of the meetings and that's definitely something I'm going to push myself to do. Yesterday seemed a lot calmer and I was able to concentrate more at work and rather than watch the Champions League I kept busy and went football training. Just going to keep busy and take one day at a time still.

Day 9 - Complete