Quitters win

Thanks for your post in my diary mate. This time next week you’ll have hit that magical 300 days.

It’s people like you that I draw my inspiration from. Seeing you stay gamble free for so long and noticing improvements in your life is everything I wish for too.

Well done mate!

Day 295

Thanks Dan.

Struggling a bit this week, need to focus and rethink a few things. I need some goals to aim for and to work out what i want for myself. Still safely GF.

All the best.

Day 306

Just a quick check in and update. My loan came through and i've now paid off my near 30% CC and loan so thats saving me a good chunck in interest with the new 6.9% one i have. I decided to sign up to Gamstop even though i haven't had any urges at all for many months now.

Yesterday i got a letter from my bank saying they had decided to increase my credit limit another 1k to 6,750. No thank you! They did this before, whilst i was deep in my gambling and that obviously ended in me adding another 1k to my debt. Maybe this was my worry and trigger to sign up to Gamstop huh? That and the new football season starting next week, though i am in a place where i can look forward to enjoying that.

All the best.

Congratulations SJW on your fantastic journey of recovery.

You have shown enormous courage and common sense whilst always been there to offer advice and support to your fellow travellers.

In my eyes you are a true gamcare warrior and a great source of inspiration. You have proved yourself a man of integrity, honour and discipline. I salute you my friend...stephen

Day 320

Thanks Stephen, i keep trying.

End of a long week, 6 day week at work. Lots of walking everywhere and back at it tomorrow. Time to rest up at the end of another GF one. Closing in on 11 months, 2 weeks today.

Back then, be safe people, we're worth more then addiction tells us.

All the best.

Day 334

Another 2 weeks has gone by and i've hit 11 months GF. Things are ticking over fine. Geting good at budgeting my finances to make sure i cover everything. Debt payments could be faster if i choose but i want to live some. I have a much clearer idea of when they will be paid up now i have a loan for over 2/3 of my remaining debt.

Im making effort to try get out and do more and while i am doing more i know i can and want to do even more. Im feeling comfortable with who i am and i have a few ideas and plans going forwards that i can focus my efforts on. Im still not great at socialising but i can see im getting better. I feel like i have lots of different views to other people and im not someone that enjoys going out drinking like many other people do. I feel like im a boring person in the sense that i've been very isolated due to gambling and that life has taken away a lot of potential life stories that others have to tell. It's hard to let people know who you are without them stories to tell but i have a chance to make them if i stay away from gambling as i have. Its a long road but i can say im now on it.

No urges to gamble, i know my value now.

All the best.

Hi SJW

Thanks for your comment on my diary, it means a lot to know there are people reading.

You are in no way boring, you are doing something that many may never do, admit to a problem, confront it and beat an addiction. That is one hell of a story and people will totally respect you for that and you will be surprised how many people have problems will want to talk to you about it. I hope you can be comfortable doing this as I have found speaking openly about my problems has been half the battle.

You are flying towards a year gamble free and I hope you can give yourself a massive pat on the back when you achieve it.

All the best

Matt

Day 345

Hello Matt, thanks for the message of support. I just mean that gambling has been 90%+ of what i did outside of school and work. I didn't socialise or really do anything else so i have very few stories to tell new people about myself. I just feel like its hard to connect with new people without still really being able to answer basic questions like "what do you like" or "what do you do on evenings/weekends". I've often (and i still am if im honest) working long hard hours then not really doing much outside of work. Its always a bit of a trade off i know money vs time and i've always had that excuse that money and less time is the better option for me because i've always gambled what i had and beyond.

20 days from a greatly improved year. Many steps in the right direction.

All the best.

Day 348

Got a hair cut then went into the city and had lunch yesterday. Bought myself a new jacket while there. Im running my budgets as tight as i can to get the max out of my money now. It means i've got everything covered and know what i can treat myself to. Nice to have that feeling of control back now. I say back i don't honestly think i ever had control of it if im honest.

Off to have lunch at parents today then its getting ready for work again. Got a long 6 day working week incoming need to get as much sorted out before it starts as possible to make things easier.

All the best.

Day 354

The end of a really long, tough week but here i am at the end of it GF. Early night and a lay in for sure tomorrow, won't be setting my alarm tonight! Day off tomorrow. Just going food shopping and relaxing then back to it Monday.

One year GF is coming up fast, exciting. Proud of the changes i've made so far.

Keep moving forwards, one day at a time.

All the best.

Day 365

1 full year GF!

Doesn't feel real but i made it. It's been a long, often tough year but what massive changes i've made.

I sleep better, feel better and look the best physically i ever have. Sure i don't workout anymore and i've been "buffer" from weight training but that tired, worn down, misrable person has found his confidence and self worth when it all felt lost. Im in good shape and im looking after myself so much more. Pride i think they call it 🙂

I've changed jobs, am more sociable (i could do more here for sure), more aware and just that all round better person i always wanted to be. I've found peace with myself.

The debt is coming down, it's not where i wanted it when i started but i really don't care. I've been on holiday, celebrated my 30th birthday, bought so many clothes, treated myself to meals and days out as and when i want, im saving money. Im living now.

I remeber that first big win on poker 5k to a teenager working part time. For the (less than) 24 hours i had that money sitting in my online account i felt like the world had finally opened up to me financially. I'd done it, justified all the previous gambling. I lost that the next day and i guess i was chasing from then. Im a smart guy that under achieved and i felt that pain. There was a reason for that under achievement, i know what it was. I bottled that pain up and carried it around.

Money never actually interested me. I wasn't driven by it but i wasn't valued enough financially in my work and that added to my pain.

Recovery continues and each day is a new chance to live it. As a compulsive gambler i know i can never let it back in. I've turned it around. Gambling is no longer my "defualt response".

One day at a time always.

Thought i'd do a money recap just as another marker.

Actual total debt at start (see post #131) = £11,104

Current debt = £6,820

Total paid = £4,284

Savings pot = £1,310 (got £400 of that for things i really need)

Crazy, over 5k i know i would have lost, maybe more if i had been able to get extra credit.

I wasn't sure if or what i wanted to save any money with having debt but most of the debt is a low rate loan that has 22 payments left. By that time i will be debt free. For now i want to save to possibly get a car (not owned one for 5 years now!) and other things that might come up. The money is always there if i change my mind to pay it off faster but for now i am happy. I get to live and the debt comes down still at a reasonable rate.

Big congratutions on reaching 1 year gamble , great to read of how you have changed things around for the better and are now in a much better place, a shining example to us all that if we stick at it and get through the bad times (which there will be many) we can make a better life for ourselves.Well done again and all the best for the future which will no doubt be brighter.... keep up the good work you are doing great.

Dear sjw,

huge congratulations from us Forum Admins as well on your year gamble free. It sounds like you have been very focussed, you worked hard at this and you've learnt a lot.

When in the grips of a gambling problem people often find it challenging to spend money on anything other than gambling. Especially on things like clothes or going out. But those are the things you should be spending money on - treating yourself, spending on things that you will have enjoyment from, of course in a way you can afford. This shows that you have come to a more balanced approach to money and to spending money.

Keep up the good work, keep up the focus and keep posting and striving.

All the very best,

Eva

Forum Admin

Belated congrats on the 1 year my man. Wow.

I wanted to ask. How did you find counselling? Did you see it through and how much did it aid your recovery?

Thanks!

Counselling was good. I used all 12 sessions. I did phone counselling and i spent the build up to the calls worrying that i had nothing to say. I wasn't a talker back then but i still found things to say. I was gentally guided into talking things through that seemed obvious once i said them out loud to myself. Alone i wouldn't have reflected like that, nevermind shared any emotions with anyone. I was hiding from everything.

Im a totally different person now. It's taken a while don't get me wrong but i've never felt so positive about my progress in EVERY area of my life.