This is my story.
I'm currently 61 days GF. In that I am proud of myself, it's the first time in about 20 years I've not gambled at all. From shop football coupons, online betting, lottery. Even rejecting dream team entries with people from work. Nothing at all to do with gambling for 61 days is an achievement so if I can do it, anyone can as before this I would have gambled nearly every day on a wide range of sports or lottery.
This past 14 month or so has been a true nightmare. I would place bets from £5 to £100 as I say nearly every day which I thought I was in control of, clearly not, yes I would win some but end up putting that back on, losing it then chase losses and lose more. When bank statements came through the post I would not look at them, just throw them in a drawer as I knew I was gambling more money than I should have. March this year my mum sold her house and gave me a 10k cash gift for me and my partner to use at our will with us buying a house together last year. In my tiny little bubble head the gambling head came and thought 'I might be able to win more' oh how wrong I was big time. I started placing bets of anything from £200 to 1k at a time, that 10k swiftly went down to 2k. I thought what am I going to do now. I got a loan of 7k to put it back in my savings.
I was fine with that for a few weeks thinking no more, but then my little gambling head came back thinking I can't lose all the time. Oh yes I can and I did. So with the 7k I loaned took me up to 9k and lost again and again going down to 3k so I had to take another loan of 6k to put back in savings again.
I thought it would be fine as I still have 9k in savings but what I didn't know was that my lovely fiancГ©e had suspected what I was up to. She went through all my bank statements and the horror show she must have seen was nothing I could explain. She held it back from me for a few days before confronting me asking if I had a gambling problem. That's when I knew I had to come clean. I told her everything, all the hurtful truth of it all. So now I'm in debt of 16k with these 2 loans I got out.
As I previously said before I never looked at my bank statements for this last 14 months so my partner suggested I should do. I waited a couple of days whilst she went to visit family, I was horrified and felt sick at what I saw. From just gambling sites all outgoings totalled to around 33k Incoming from gambling sites was around 27k so a difference of -6k.
Obviously this has caused so much hurt and anger with my partner, we are still together by the skin of my teeth. Since then I have self excluded from all local shops around my area, all online gambling sites and I'm currently in 1-1 councilling which is helping. I've told my close friends for extra support in this torrid time, I can handle losing the money as I know I can pay the debt off and earn it back again over time. My friends support this. What I can't handle is what I've done to my lovely fiancГ©e, we had our future planned of getting married and having a healthy lifestyle, I have ruined that maybe forever, she says she doesn't think she could ever marry me now or trust me again.
I've taken all the steps necessary to beat this as previously stated with the support of councilling and friends and I have also given my partner control of any of my spare money after I give myself a budget per week. I just hope and pray that she can one day forgive me, I know it will never be forgotten.
Sorry this post is a bit long but I hope whoever is reading it can relate or take something from it. I am on these forums everyday and there is some wonderful advice from this site and remember, you're not alone so if you're in s similar situation seek help from as many outlets as possible. I wish you all the best in recoveries.
Nev
Hello Nev,
Well done on starting a recovery diary.
Many of our forum members find that their online diary can be a fitting place to record their personal thoughts and feelings about their own recovery, and reading back over it can sometimes help to develop self-awareness or to rekindle motivation for recovery.
The diaries are also threads where forum members can share peer support, which can be comforting or inspiring.
Well done again on all the effort you're putting into your recovery.
Take care,
Forum admin.
Hi Nevets
I just read your story and sorry to see you are a difficulty time, but unfortunately it is all part of the process of being open and honest, which we as gamblers are not very good at doing. We like to hide our dirty littl secrets, where nobody can persuade us to stop gambling.
When my partner founds out (well i told but only because i'd spent all of my money, and loaned out £10k and this was after a bailout of £8k). So i found myself in £10k debt with lenders and £8k debt with my fiancee). We just stayed together, but it was touch and go for a long time and really negatively impacted our relationship for a while. A years and 3 months later, our relationship is better than ever and we ate stronger than ever. Whilst i have had some relapses, I have been honest and have subsequently been supported all the way but my god it has been so difficult. Not to say this is always the case, but you never know how these things can play out!
Overcoming addiciton isnt easy its hard and you will have to work at it so hard to get the outcome you want, but if you are willing to be strong you CAN do it! feel free to check into the chatroom for additional support and stay GF remember that you will never WIN, the only way you can is by staying GF.
Best of luck.
Athena
Hi Athena
Thankyou for your reply. It means a lot. I am now currently on day 70 GF and being honest. I'm enjoying it not looking into gambling sites or not actually trailing through football fixtures every minute of the day. I have had no relapse or urges as I know how much pain it has caused. The relationship is still no better although we do speak frequently it's not the same. I feel better in myself everyday getting over my personal pain of the losses but in truth, it's driving me crazy because I know I can't control what she feels. Everything we watch or hear on the radio it's seems like it's everything to do with gambling or things related to it, i.e. Life's second chances, forgiveness etc. I am taking each day as it comes and just getting on with it as they say but it is hard. As long as I stay headstrong and GF I know life will be better in time. I know myself I can't do anymore to aid this problem as I've done everything I can, it's a waiting game and be patient with my partner and hopefully she will come around.
Thankyou again and any more advice would be great.
Nev
Hi again Athena.
Any advice on relationship side of things would be a great help. My partner is very distant which is understandable but the thing is, when it first came out she said she would support me and give me a chance with the relationship. I ask her every so often and I get the same answers "I don't know" or " I'm not sure at the minute" I get nothing from her. My councillor has offered her councilling to help her to understand but I just get fobbed off. She had conditions to which I have met, self exclude, councilling and tell my close friends. Which I have done all this but it feels like I'm getting more support from friends rather than her. I'm so close to giving up trying
Thanks
Nev
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