reborn on the 4th July

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SB28
 SB28
(@sb28)
Posts: 7075
 

Hey there,

Thank you for your continued support. Gonna just keep trying and trying. ..no matter how many times i fall. I will get there. Same as you my friend, we will get to that place we need to be. Where peace to mind and smile on a face is daily acurance.

I wish you well, keep making the right choice.

Sandra x

 
Posted : 6th October 2014 6:46 pm
castle2
(@castle2)
Posts: 1423
Topic starter
 

Thanks everyone

Really starting to get back on track and as always this site has helped massively , very conscious though I don't want to go back to my old self the one always putting people first before myself , the last month or so I really have thought about decisions before I have made them and making sure Their in my best interests

It's a real positive change the last few months I have learned so much about myself good and bad but putting them all into a positive to keep driving my life forward for that better life

 
Posted : 7th October 2014 8:06 am
castle2
(@castle2)
Posts: 1423
Topic starter
 

Once again work this week plays a massive part in my life , was announced that I have a visit this Friday on top of a really tough work to start with , so everything has gone out of the window , the nights I gave jess have had to be swapped completely on top of doing endless hours , experience knows It will pass and all I can do is my best , experience knows also it won't be good enough

I won't let the pressure build do what I can and move on from it

Other than that all is well , not a lot of time for anything else !

 
Posted : 9th October 2014 5:18 am
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hi castle,

Push through the pressure at work, and think of yourself, you know that gambling will only make the pressure worse. So there is no point in even thinking about it.

You are doing great and yes you will move on from it.

Stay strong and take care.

Suzanne xx

 
Posted : 9th October 2014 8:16 am
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hi Castle

Just wanted to share the good stuff. In the past imtotally underestimated tiredness as a main trigger for my defences being low...

In my own recovery programme they say HALT which is a way of identifying underlying drviers ...

Hungry

Angry

Lonely

Tired.

For me its always the same 2 ...Anger and Tiredness. As you know writing helped me with the anger but i still work myself into the ground as I have similar responsibilites to yourself in work.

Area and HQ up doing a visit for us today...which means for the preceeding week my job title becomes industrial cleaner then its stright into an audit next week. Think we chatted about this last year but a big alarm bell for me is that I have to change the way I take my holidays in work,( or not take them) as im left with a stack in March (use or loose) amd take about a week off only through the year. A few long weekends may be better?

Although hunger isnt usually a problem i cant imagine eating my evening meal at 8 pm most nights is helping with good sleep ....

Rachel xxx

 
Posted : 9th October 2014 9:15 am
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

ps..forgot to add about the importance of HALT and the brain rewarding itself with the wrong things, just to share how im trying to change those things which may help goven our line of intense work!

For instance..

If im hungry I used to reward myself with wine! as if i go too long without food the blood sugars drop and i would fix it with a merlot if i couldnt be bothered cooking due to coming in late from work....Now I cook properly or prep up the day before and take a packed lunch to work as im sure you also work through your lunches!!

If im angry I used to reward myself with carbohydrate food/ wine to stuff emotion down. ...So i changed that to writing and blogging.

if im Lonely ( which ironically im not now i live alone) just very occassionally bored. I take Dots out no matter what the weather and have started a scrabble tornament with the old farmers at the local where work saturdays. I used to shop on lonliness , clothes and shoes mainly to fill a gap and reward or think about taking up with a totally unsuitable person..lol Having no spare cash or credit now has limited that. two birds with one stone! lol

If im tired now I sleep rather than people please to have a social life when im knackered. It took me until my 30s to get out of the habit if thinking youre "missing out " on a friday and saturday night if you stay in.When i look back it was the anticipation of going out as when i was there , dolled up I just wished i was back home..lol

I think just being aware of HALT can go a long way to protect us from being triggered into our own unhealthy reward loop.

sorry for the ramble ...just thought it may help

Rachel xxx

 
Posted : 9th October 2014 9:15 am
castle2
(@castle2)
Posts: 1423
Topic starter
 

Thanks suzanne Rachael

Worked way too many hours this week and in the end no visit came from it which from my side is frustrating , I wouldn't say it was all for nothing as its put my store in a really good place

Had to swap everything around with jess this week and had her completely different nights messed too many people around chopping and changing at the last minute , fortunately jess has been ok as like me she likes her routine as long as she knows where and what she is doing then she is fine

So work and jess still completely take up all my time which has positives and negatives , the negatives been work ! Jess as always is a welcome positive in my life I would be completely lost without her she is and always be the drive and focus of my recovery

 
Posted : 12th October 2014 6:41 am
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hi castle,

Thanks for your support.

Guess that addiction can creep up on us at anytime, no matter how long, we have abstained, just have to to push through the bad days, and embrace the good days.

Well done for getting through a tough week at work,

Stay strong and focused,

Suzanne xx

 
Posted : 12th October 2014 7:58 am
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Yo,

Thank you so very much for your post.

It meant a lot , your support has always helped me through the tough times and yesterday's was no exception to that.

Hugs to Jess, I want cloe to win the x as well like to champion the square pegs if you know what I mean , probs coz I am one myself lol

As for you mate, keep battling on .

Thank you again my friend.

Shiny xx

 
Posted : 14th October 2014 12:17 am
castle2
(@castle2)
Posts: 1423
Topic starter
 

Thanks Suzanne Shiny

A good week so far just a couple of days to work then off for 3 days , got jess for all those days as her mom is away so looking forward to spending time with her and thinking of stuff we can do , no money worries so plenty of options , I guess a reward for 3 hard years of recovery

This site and the fantastic supportive people on it have contributed to making all this possible and for that I will be eternally grateful

 
Posted : 15th October 2014 8:32 am
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hi castle,

Very well done on 3 hard years of recovery.

You should be proud of yourself.

Have a lovely time with your daughter and make some beautiful memories.

Suzanne xx

 
Posted : 16th October 2014 8:34 am
SB28
 SB28
(@sb28)
Posts: 7075
 

Hey castle,

I thought i missed few of the soldiers yesterday 🙂 hope you are having great time off wiv your little girl and making the most of it.

Really good to see you marching on and staying strong on a devil addiction side. Keep up the good work and be kind to yourself.

Day at a time, is the only way to go.

Spk soon

Sandra x

 
Posted : 19th October 2014 6:38 am
castle2
(@castle2)
Posts: 1423
Topic starter
 

Thanks Suzanne Sandra

Having a good weekend with jess spending loads of time together , went to the football match which she enjoyed despite losing ! Off to the cinema today and taking her out for lunch as always she continues to be my rock in life

Besides jess life is still a struggle , went to see my counsellor on Friday and let all the events of my last few months out in the open , I still feel a few backward steps have been taken and finding that hard mentally to adapt to , I know I need to shake myself and take my own advice I give others which is look at the big picture , I often read stopping gambling doesn't give you all the answers to life's questions not necessarily makes it better and I'm guessing that's how I feel a bit but I also know by carrying on gambling it can make it a lot worse

For me it's one day at a time enjoy today and worry bout tomorrow when it arrives

 
Posted : 19th October 2014 8:42 am
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hi castle,

Thanks for your advice, as I have posted to Duncs it means more than you know.

Your journey of recovery, has been very hard work, but you are still there, you are still determined to keep going.

Maybe we have to take a few steps backwards sometimes, so we can get a tighter grip on moving forwards and upwards.

Enjoy your day with Jess, and as you say, worry about tomorrow when it arrives.

The big picture is you are doing fantastic, don't knock your down.

Be proud of what you have achieved, and keep strong.

Suzanne xx

 
Posted : 19th October 2014 10:51 am
castle2
(@castle2)
Posts: 1423
Topic starter
 

Thanks Suzanne

Had a wonderful day yesterday spending quality time with jess , before the cinema we ended up bowling and having lunch out in total spent around 40 , that money brought so much happiness to my beautiful daughter , I compare that to how easily and unwisely that had been spent in the past , the thought of having to say no sorry we can't do anything today because I gambled money away is just not worth thinking

I have managed to transfer my savings into jess's saving accounts to which I have no access so feel more comfortable knowing it's there in the end it's all money that will be spent on her for Xmas and holidays , I found it so difficult to check my bank account and see my savings just sat there so easily accessible the urges it was bringing was not healthy , bizarre really all my adult life I have scrimped and scraped loan after loan credit card after credit card all whilst gambling , now in recovery and a bit of savings you would think it would all make a bit more sense and be a bit easier , I guess life is not like that

As always the learnings and this wonderful forum have put me in a good place especially the friends and family section , I have learned to protect myself from the gambler the compulsive gambler which is me

One day at a time and the big picture

 
Posted : 20th October 2014 5:23 am
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