reborn on the 4th July

Not got a minute this week just so busy at work and on top of that got a big visit Thursday , as always don't mind as it keeps my mind occupied , the run up to xmas is just manic one year I would like to feel the build up and relax a bit instead of it been full on right up to xmas eve and too tired to enjoy the big day , lucky this year got 2 days off but thats my lot

All shopping done now just need to wrap , divorce no further on , still dealing with everything day to day and getting through it and for now its still workin , its a fine balance between with dealing with the stress and not ignoring it

Hi Castle,

Just wanted to say that I really get what you said about that fine balance. You are soo right. Hang in there you. -joan

Castle.

My friend you deal with all life throws your way with a wonderful humility and in turn i can see your life glass continues to fill. I am sound in the knowledge that those two days off won't be wasted chasing pipe dreams.

Fella i sincerely hope 2013 delivers some amazing times for you and yours.

Keep stepping forward my friend, never back.

Duncs compulsive gambler no bet today

Hi Castle,

Sorry the divorce not through yet, It will be soon.

Bet princess is getting extremely hypa.....love kids and xmas!

I have my son, but have to work xmas day and boxing day....next year am off and "my princess" is coming with my son.....only 370 days to go!

Oh jingle bells tr la la

Sue x

P.S. My physic self tells me 2013 is "your year"

Hi Castle,

Just popping in2 say I hope u r ok and ur little princess is looking 4ward 2 Christmas now 🙂

I'm sure she will have a gr8 time and u will make sure of that 🙂

Castle, ur strength is gr8 and I admire how u deal with things as and when they come up... I have so much time 4 u!

I hope u get all the hapiness u deserve 🙂

Have a gr8 nite xx

Thank u all for ur support

The big visit went really well so all the stress from that has gone , work is so busy but was always goin to be this time of year

All presents now bought and just a couple to wrap so again another stress gone away , the problem now is I av to start thinking bout xmas itself , my daughters so excited and that makes me so happy to see her that way I know she will get me through this period

Had a big bust up with my friend at work which was always goin to happen I just want to block her out of my thoughts which is not good as I'm not dealing with it , on that front I'm not moving from my store there's no manager moves at all in Jan , which is not good as I need closure of this relationship to allow me to move on but I can't get it with her still been there

This I can't control but will av to deal with it soon , this is goin to be a bigger recovery than my gambling but its important I do as the two are linked together

Due to this feeling low when not busy and too much time to think writing my thoughts always helps though , what's important to me is I break this cycle and the new year is a great opportunity to do it , I'm not goin to pressurise myself though just keep to a day at a time and enjoy those days

Will get back to everyone soon until then back to work up to xmas eve , I might be weary but there's still plenty of fight left in me and I will always fight

Hi Castle,

Your resolve is strong. Just wanted to check in and toss you a wave from across the pond. If I do not get a chance to repost also wanting to wish you and yours a very very happy xmas!! -joanxx

hey Castle...sometimes conflict can be good as it brings new energy in that wasnt there before..

If its all come to a head then that means now things will have to move and not be in limbo...every problem can contain its own solution..

Perhaps now there has been a bust up then this can be let go of and phase out natually or perhaps she moves branches and not you?...not sure its as simple as that especially if you have to work together but if this is the case put your boundaries in and keep all discussions between you and she in work only about work .

You could use this estragment to your advantage as a way to detach further.

Trust that you will never be on your own..but you are making way now to attract new energy in....

R and D xx

Not very often i post twice in one day but really need to after today , the bust up with friend went to another level had a full blown argument at work which was so unprofessional to say the least admittedly most was my fault by not dealing with the situation as it is but the hurtful things she said was unbelievable to say the least it left me reeling , the torrent of abuse she aimed towards my daughter and ex was just too much iv never seen so much anger in a person , we haven't spoke since and av now deleted her contact from my phone cleared all history of messages so there's no way I can contact her and know she won't contact me , I do av to work with her xmas eve but only for a few hours so will just stay away from each other

The only one person I blame for this is myself as I should av ended this years ago but like gambling I kept caving in and giving in , I need closure on this but not sure how I'm goin to get it hopefully today will av helped she can say as many hurtful things bout me as she wants but to turn on my daughter like someone possessed made me see her in a completely different light , I av no doubt she doesn't see it this way but thats not my problem

It couldn't av come at a worst time of year but I av to deal with it , I could cave in and go back to gambling to block all the pain out but I now av the tools and knowledge to help me , I av my daughter with me now snuggled up on the sofa she is such a good girl well mannered knows right from wrong and importantly so loving and thats what I need right now at the end of a testing day

Yo,

You know Hun, you were going to end it anyway , so maybe it's best now .

Gives you the fresh start for the new year .

You have come so far this year , and I can tell by your posts how much stronger you are .

Hope you and MG have a lovely time together over Christmas , know its not all of it , but its the quality not the quantity they remember .

You take care both of you , great big fat juicy Xmas hugs

Fairy Shiny xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey Castle....agree with Shiny and to be honest having been in similar situations it probably was never going to be an amicable finish....

Sometimes its hard to end something when that person has been there for the tough times but you have outgrown them or what you needed from them...so these endings come full of guilt.

All I will say is don't feel guilty as i am sure you have given back over and above to her over the years but am guessing she would still like the isolated twosome but you want a bigger life now.

She obviously had an expectation of you which is why she is having a meltdown or she may resent that you are stronger in yourself now and dont need her as much.. you have'nt used her so don't believe that one if it comes out.

keep posting ...R and D xx

Thank u all for ur support and a much needed reality check , couldn't sleep this mornin so used the time to post on other diaries and it gave me the kick up the backside I needed been feeling way to sorry for myself

This is something iv always knew was goin to end as there was no way it would ever work I just now need to move on from it which may be easier said than done but I'm a big believes in fate and things happen for a reason good or bad and my time will come I just need to be patient

Once again this site has saved me over the last few weeks there was times I just didn't want to post no motivation or inspiration , but I knew I just had to hang in there and ride it out and only past experience told me I would

For me its just really bout survival I always knew xmas was goin to be tough and still don't really know the full affect it will av on me I know the time spent with my daughter will be special but the rest I just don't know , thats down to me to make the right decisions and just get through it

Hi Castle,

I think u r rite things happen 4 a reason and u r so much stronger now... I know u will get thru things even the tough times... I believe in u 🙂

I wanted 2 wish u and ur daughter a gr8 christmas and I hope u both have lots of fun 2gether.... I know 4 sure there will be lots of smiles 🙂

We r all here 4 u, if u need us Castle 🙂

Stay strong xx

HI Castle,

There will come a time in the not to distant future when you will look back at this and realise that it was meant to be that way and sometimes events push us into situations that we might be avoiding for one reason or other.

I just wanted to pop by and say what you have tackled and come through this year is amazing, your so much stronger than you think and im sure you will carry this strength into 2013.

I wish you a happy, healthy and peaceful christmas. Im sure christmas day with you and your little princess will be another memory that you will treasure and affirmation for you that your making your lives so much better by remaining gamble free. Well done

Take care

Blondie x

Hey Good Sir,

Just a flyby to wish you and your daughter a Very Merry Xmas. I know you have had a tough few days but I think you are dealing with everything magnificently and you are a real gent.

Ready to walk right beside you into the New Year and beyond!!

Flagg