reborn on the 4th July

Hello mate hope you have a great Christmas. Enjoy your time with your daughter. Thanks for all your support this year, I really appreciate it. You've helped me through the tough times and the good. Hope all gets sorted with your friend, I'm sure it'll all work out. Take care buddy.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Castle,

Merry Christmas and I hope you and your daughter have had a fabulous day.

Tomso.

Survived xmas eve at work with friend kept out of each others way spoke if we had to , had a fantastic night and mornin with my daughter on xmas eve and day dropped her back off at her moms at half one then went back to parents for lunch that went ok and passed the afternoon on , stopped back off to see my daughter again for a couple of hours in the evening which looking back shouldn't av as my daughter wanted to just be with me which ended up upsetting my ex got back to flat bout 8 had a glass of wine flat out by half 8 !

Had a great day today playing moshi monsters and tatty teddy games whilst inbetween watching a Barbie film ! She's enjoyed it and thats all that matters , just watching football then off to bed back to work tomorrow

Despite everything with xmas and friend feel very calm and in control which pleases me , really looking forward to the new year and av a real sense of determination of what I want and more importantly what I don't want all the bad habits of 2012 are goin to stay away anything that brought me unhappiness will be staying well and truly out of my life

2013 here we come !

Hi Castle,

Thank u 4 ur post on my diary 🙂

It sounds like ur daughter enjoyed Christmas and that u have had a gr8 day with her 2day... I know that making her happy is all that matters 2 u and I can tell from ur posts how much fun she has when she is with u .. It makes me smile 🙂

I hope u get all the happiness and good things u deserve in 2013... u r a gr8 guy Castle 🙂

Take care xx

Hi Castle,

Have visions of you surrounded by Barbies etc.......Then crashing after 1 glass of wine!

Castle....lightweight.......LOL

Seriously tho......sounds like you and princess had the "best " time....Castle...you are a dad in a million....Don't you ever forget that!

Thank you so much for all the support you have given me over this year.

Sue xxx

Hi Castle

I reckon what you wrote on someone's diary sums up the problem gambler perfectly. I quote:-

'we all know that feeling too well of feeling sick but we all know it passes we recalculate the finances the sick feeling starts to fade and our addled brain which knows nothing more than gambling will start to trick u into winning that money back which of course u won't over a long period of time'.

People often say on here that the earliest days are the hardest but I disagree. As you have said the hard time is when the financial and psychological effects of the loss has subsided.

Great piece of writing and I hope the guys on here read it and learn.

Keep up the good work.

Dave

HI Castle,

sounds like you had the perfect day with little princess .

Keep stepping forward to 2013 castle and leave those things behind what you dont want in your life, its to short to carry stragglers and people we dont want or need in our lives.

Your doing amazing and i hope 2013 is everthing you want and more.

Take care

Blondie

Hi Castle,

Thank u 4 ur supportive post on my diary... U have always supported me thru the good and the bad times...It means a lot 2 me knowing that I am not alone with this!

Lets hope 2013 is our yr Castle xx

New year nearly here and will be raising a glass with many on here to a great 2013

Funny how I always was a big xmas fan and the new year never bothered me but that has now changed , xmas was tough this year and was just a case of surviving it which I did , the new year for me now is am opportunity of a new start and to put the last year to rest

I am so proud of what I achieved personally last year esp from a gambling point of view from where I was to where I am now I couldn't be happier , a lot has happened with divorce , financially and flat , all of these av now been sorted just waiting on finalising of divorce , I am now where I want to be with one long term problem my friend at work everything now is set in place we don't see each other anymore other than work now , its down to me to keep it that way by making the right choices my last 2 slips were affected by her and our situation I wouldn't blame her the only person I blame is myself but I know it didn't help my cause and that will be my motivation goin forward from history I know that could happen

The one thing I won't be doin is pressuring myself to be gamble free if I do that would be great if I don't I don't I just want to live life to the full and enjoy everyday , thats something I av learned over the last year at 1st I lived in fear of slipping that was on my mind all the time and some days were just a constant fight to get through it and did I enjoy that day the answer is no it was painful it was probably what I had to do at that stage of my recovery , my relapses taught me a lot why how and when and I learned , I now av the knowledge and know I will never go back

Read some fantastic posts this mornin good and not so good but all av have me so much inspiration so once again this site and the fantastic people on it continue to be my rock and support and as always I'm eternally grateful

hey Castle....

I think that you are doing the right thing with this friend of yours and in a way putting your blocks in place with her aswell to protect your recovery..

I think guilt can be a big part of our behaviours and im guessing that in many ways you may have felt on a guilt hook which is no good for recovery.

Guilt was a huge reason me and my ex had all the issues we had ..we both carried tremendous guilt in our situation and it eventually ate away at us and destroyed us and eroded everything to the point that there was nothing left and both of us just wanted to escape from the passing back and forth of guilt.

You have taken responsibility for ending it which is healthy for you.

Happy coming new year to you

R and D xx

Hi Castle,

Thank u 4 posting that song title on my diary... I listened 2 it and it gave me the boost I needed.. That was really sweet of u!

I think 2013 will be a better yr 4 both of us, we deserve it 🙂

Take care and I hope ur daughter is ok and smiling xx

Thanks for the posts castle. Yeah I'm trying not to add to much pressure to it all, my mindests the same as yours really. We've both learnt alot and you were the one that said I'd never be back on "day 1" and your right. We have both had massive years this year and a lot has changed and I think 2013 could be real step forward for both of us on so many fronts. Thanks again for all your support and if I don't get chance tomorrow happy new year, have a good one.

Well its arrived the last day of 2012 and its been a real mixed year , from a gambling a perspective iv took some massive steps and am really proud of what I av achieved , even with a couple of slips its by long the best year for the last 26 years the control feels fantastic , on the other hand its been so tough a real financial struggle and looking back don't know how I survived but I did something else I'm really proud of , the divorce has been stressful and my on off relationship def was my lowest point putting myself through so much unneeded misery when simply I was not strong enough to end it

So 2013 will be here , the finances are the best they av ever been the divorce will be through the relationship is ended leaving open to a year of opportunity on every front what plans ? None not putting no expectations on myself simply just goin to enjoy it there are a few things I want to do but when they are done I will say unlike the whole of last year saying gonna do this and that for it never to take off

Feel really in control of my life right now I know the choices are all mine and I will continue to make the right ones , I know I def won't be goin back to any misery of 2012 that is history a new chapter awaits

A happy new year to u all

Hi my king!

How true are your words.....A new chapter awaits!

I have every belief that you have things in place now and gambling plays no part whatsoever.

2013....Is gonna be a great year for us.

Happy new year to you and your beautiful princess.

Sue xx

Still very mixed feelings this morning , lasted till bout half ten with my daughter but both up early this morning as I'm working and got to drop her off at her grandmas , really pleased its a new year with loads of opportunities for me but also tinged with a bit of sadness that I know a big change is now required , ending my relationship with my friend I know is the right thing to do and am def sticking with it this time but the pain is still raw and hurts like mad , I know the pain will start to ease as time goes by , the determination is there though not to give back in and I won't there is so many similarities with gambling and her and the bottom line she is no good for me

Now its time to keep stepping forward and not looking back what's done is done in a way I av to accept my losses to be able to move on , other obstacles will come my way through out the year I av no doubt but I am strong and will deal with them the previous year was so tough in many ways but I learned and learned sometimes the hard way with a couple of relapses but its put me in good stead for the year ahead

Getting through xmas and new year was always goin to be tough as it should be spent with the people u love , my beautiful daughter Jessica who I am so proud off helped me so much without her it would av been such a different story

Today is a new day and I will enjoy today new year or not I am still only as good as my last day and to me thats always important to remember