Hello,
I have been a compulsive gambler since the age of 18 when I managed to get a job in a casino. The last 12 years are now just a blur & I feel by writing this I can understand myself somewhat better.
My last bet was yesterday and my current situation is having debts totalling £15350 across 4 credit cards, an overdraft and a loan. I was forced to move out of my home in June as I could not afford to pay the rent. I have now lost 2 relationships through gambling and fear that I am running out of time to start a family of my own. I'm not the most sociable person and now just feel more locked up. The strange thing is that I am still working in a casino in a good position earning good money. The negatives to this is that any sort of Debt Management Plan is not an option as I could lose my license. Also banning myself from other casinos is not a safe option as it would notify my colleagues of my problem, which could cause them to lose faith in me. My boss does know as of last month and has stood by me so far, however this came out when I lost my home and was 8k in debt. A month later and that's almost doubled and I can't imagine what he would say if he learned about my last episode. What I am trying to say is that now may job could be at risk and this scares me as it is all I have left...
My relationship with family has broken down, I have only 1 real friend who I have hurt deeply and my motivation is at an all time low where I feel I cannot continue with my life. People don't understand that since 18 all I have done is survive. I don't treat myself or go on nice holidays, I work and lose my salary still chasing my losses. I am really struggling to let go of the past and accept my situation. Just 3 months ago I won £20000 from just £100 clearing all my debts and giving me savings of £10000. I booked and paid for a holiday, however I couldn't go for on holiday as 4 weeks later I had lost everything. I have never been this far in the hole financially or mentally and I have very little support from others as they don't understand me.
A few years ago I did stop for 18 months and life was great. I was proud of myself. My debt that time was around £9000 and I managed to get it down to £2000 living off a shoe string budget. It was hell and I can't imagine myself going through it again. I stopped with help from GA and this forum. GA doesn't work for me anymore, it just refreshes those gambling thoughts listening to people's gambling stories. I am really struggling with how to move forward. My line of credit has exceeded and I have cut up my credit cards. Gambling is so easily accessible and with knowledge from working in a casino I will always find a way to place a bet, regardless of any blocks or bans I put in place. Time isn't an issue for me, If i have little time I bet bigger, I don't sleep between shifts, I have even gambled on my phone at work. The only thing that will work for me is having no access to money. This is difficult as I have numerous lenders to make payments to when I get paid.
Right now I am struggling to see any future for myself. I feel I have lost out on too much in my life to stop now. The financial side is only temporary... I could be debt free in 15-16 months If i stick to my plan, but again I am suffering. I am so sick and tired living this way. I am a broken man, with a broken heart and a broken soul.
I don't just want to exist, I want to live...
Hi scambling I don't know what to say, you have all the codebreakers . There is a bank account I think Barclays that just lets you live, no overdraft only so much money a day. Look at that talk to your bank. You work in a casino but don't like G A, reminds you to gamble. What does working in a casino do? It certainly didn't teach you to win. You need to address denial. It's very powerful, you've lost a lot already. Call gamcare
It wasn't that I didn't like GA. At first it helped, but after a while it just reminded of gambling, my gambling and my old habits and sometimes I came out from the meet feeling worse. I am secure in my job. I know what I'm doing and I've worked extremely hard achieve where I am today. I don't have qualifications and experience in nothing else. Finding a new job starting at the bottom would probably be a paycut of about £10000. I can't afford that.
Well day 2 and my head is still all over the place. I was open with a few managers from work today and they have offered there support. A question they raised is 'how can we help you' I simply couldn't answer this. In terms of support I'm not sure what I need. Maybe I just needed to get this off my chest. Another question they raised was 'what triggers you?' Again this is difficult to answer. I am finding it hard to accept my situation and the things I have lost. This makes me upset/angry and can be a trigger. Another trigger is the 15/16 months ahead of me, knowing I have no disposable income for anything. Also for me guilt is a big trigger. I have hurt a lot of people, this is why I have nobody left and then this turns into depression. Panic/worry is perhaps the biggest trigger for me. I lost my last £8000 because I wanted to win the £100 back I spent on an unplanned night out, which left me with next to nothing for the next few weeks. I guess a lot of my triggers come from the way I feel. Boredom can also be a trigger, but not as much the things above.
thats a tough situation and I can relate fully to the unqualified but decent job scenario. Have you flipped the question around to your bosses? Have you asked them what help there is? Can you take a couple of days off work to get things straightened
You said you couldn't self exclude or enter a debt management plan because of work - but work already know? that said you can negotiate/talk to the creditors directly. it's new debt, get onto this now and whilst you maybe on a shoestring, you can turn it round. I buried my head for so long I ended up defaulting - I've now got that with me for six years. A two bed house with three kids, no savings, little equity and a marriage in tatters.
Do you actually want to stop gambling though? you want the debt to go, you want your lifestyle to change but are you actually ready to stop
Hi Compulsive Gambler,
Thanks for your reply and in response to your question, yes I am ready to stop. Perhaps coming clean to my boss and others close to me was a cry for help. I have started attending GA again as well as disposing all of my credit cards a plan is in place and in 12 months I could be debt free(maybe 1-2 months extended as I haven't accounted for interest). I'd rather have a very harsh 12 months and be debt free rather than have an easy going 2 years to be debt free. Obviously at times it's going to be difficult when it comes to turning nights out and other things down, but having no access to money should fight off any gambling urges I may have.
Well day 14 today and I'm feeling a bit more like my old self. Looking forward to payday to start the ball rolling on this 12 month plan to get me level.
All the best everyone,
Scambling
Day 21, Payday today
No urges at all to gamble. Have made payments to all 4 credits cards and my loan reducing my debt to £14174. I have destroyed all my credit cards, so once I make payments I cannot respend. I have also returned to GA and have attended 2 sessions so far. It's nice to see a few faces from when i attended a couple years back and listening to their success stories gave me new hope. One guy has been off for 12 years and still attends every week so hats off to him!
Overall feeling positive,
Stay strong everyone,
Scambling
Merry go round wrote:
Hi scambling I don't know what to say, you have all the codebreakers . There is a bank account I think Barclays that just lets you live, no overdraft only so much money a day. Look at that talk to your bank. You work in a casino but don't like G A, reminds you to gamble. What does working in a casino do? It certainly didn't teach you to win. You need to address denial. It's very powerful, you've lost a lot already. Call gamcare
Hi merry go round, id be very interested in this bank account, do you have any more infornation on this as my bank (natwest) has never been able to put restrictions on and iv been looking everywhere for an account like this but with no luck, your response will be very appreciated
Day 24,
Went out to a party last night and had a great time. Spent £4!! Just goes to show what more there is out there!
Scambling
They say that a gambling problem has another underlining issue that cause the gambling. I think your like me in that you have anxiety, it seems like your constantly thinking about your debt. This is being anxious about money. If you solve your anxiety you can solve your gambling problem. People without anxiety do not constantly think about their debt they simply pay the minimum payment, and move on with their lives. They don't calculate how long it will take to pay off, nor do live frugally with the aim of paying off their debt sooner. They just use the remaining money after paying bills to do whatever and if they have extra one day they pay off their debt a little more. So look up resolutions to anxiety I think it will help you
Dean
They say that a gambling problem has another underlining issue that cause the gambling. I think your like me in that you have anxiety, it seems like your constantly thinking about your debt. This is being anxious about money. If you solve your anxiety you can solve your gambling problem. People without anxiety do not constantly think about their debt they simply pay the minimum payment, and move on with their lives. They don't calculate how long it will take to pay off, nor do live frugally with the aim of paying off their debt sooner. They just use the remaining money after paying bills to do whatever and if they have extra one day they pay off their debt a little more. So look up resolutions to anxiety I think it will help you
Dean
Day 28
Hi Dean,
Thanks for your comment. I do agree with what your saying in part. I find it hard not to focus on my debt and it does make me anxious. I know I have to just have to keep it in the background as such and ebentually by time it will sort itself out.
Have a good day all,
Scambling
Day 32,
Can't go to GA tonight as I'm working, which is a shame as I just started enjoying attending again. No thoughts to gamble. It's weird, I checked my ClearScore report today as I do every month and to my surprise my credit rating is the best it has been for years, despite being in the largest amount of debt I have ever been in.
The amount of debt i am in still bothers me, but one day at a time I know...
Thanks all,
Scambling
You're doing great so far.
How is GA going for you? I haven't got one near me but I'm looking into making the long drive if it's worth it.
Keep going!
I would highly recommend you give it a go. I drive 50 minutes every week and the 50 minutes drive back home is so refreshing.
Good luck
Day 37,
Met up with an old friend yesterday. 10 years since we seen each other and although I have kept my problem within a small group of people I felt comfortable enough to tell him yesterday. He has been the only person not to judge or look at me differently. My other friend(girlfriend kind of) however is struggling with the aftermath of my problem. A year to get myself out of debt and thats living a fairly tight lifestyle. I understand she feels held back a bit. I also wouldn't be able to give her what I know I could as I am still upset/angry/disappointed in myself...
Still, I will continue to move forward no matter what happens. I feel a little safer due to cutting up all of my credit cards and I also have very little access to money.
Have a good day all,
Scambling
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