Recovery Journal - Day 2

Today is Day 1 (3)

After a good night of distractions and a solid sleep I feel good this morning. Feel like the pressure and ball of guilt that came with my gambling stretch recently is subsiding, which is largely due to the fact that I have measures in place again to prevent me from accessing web sites of phone apps to gamble, which include gamban as well as having self-excluded on any available casinos for another 2 year period. That makes me feel good and I have a sense of feeling lighter. Small steps lead to small successes, which in time turn into large successes.

Today I will not gamble.

JB 

Day 2 - feeling good today again. Surrounded by family for the Easter long weekend. Nice to see them and gives me an opportunity to relax from work, stressed and any time for making poor decisions. I feel in control, and today I will not gamble!

JB

Day 1 (4)

I hit a lot point today in that I could not reason with myself to not gamble. Went 4 days GF before another site was reactivated and offered me a bonus to deposit….feeling super guilty for not just self-excluding right away. Ended in a loss of $200 before I exlcuded for 5 years.

the next few months will have a few apps/casinos send me emails with reactivated account because I could only exclude for 1 year periods when I did. I need to find the strength and discipline I had over the past 7 months and self excluse indefinitely when this happens.

I am upset at myself and need to remeber why I am on my path. My hard earned money is better in my pocket or spent on things that improve my quality of life, or my families quality of life. All GF measures are once again in place - I will go more than 4 days this time…

for the rest of today I will NOT gamble

JB

Well...I went 8 days....got paid, and spent $500 gambling. I feel like I am getting no where right now in this battle. I tell myself not to, it's not worth it, but somehow I end up on a site, on my phone, where I can find a way to try and double up...it doesn't work.

I feel like I am starting to lose control, instead of gain control...I need a complete detox of this and have to set my mental game straight again. I need to find motivation and a goal to work towards for saving/paying off my remaining debts. 

I am a strong individual, but I let myself get the better of me sometimes. If i keep this up I am going to put myself into financial strain again, and I really REALLY do not want that. I have a meeting with my counselor next week and will discuss all this with him...hoping that will help me move in the right and forward direction again. I need to stop bleeding before it destroys other aspects of my life.

Debt free, vacation, Son, Wife - these are good starting points to remind myself of why I am doing this, aside from being a better version of me. If I have learned anything in the past 7 months it's that the best way to beat this is to not let it in at all...complete abstainence and self-exclusion from everything. I need to get back to this protocol.

I gambled away $500 this morning. BUT I will not gamble any more today. I will look forward to tomorrow, next paycheck, and onwards, remembering that the savings I do have are hard earned and can be much more useful elsewhere.

wishing everyone a good day and a hard fought battle - don't give in. Use your resources and friends when you are struggling.

JB

You got this! A very good outlook! Have you got all the bans in place to make sure you aren’t tempted again? 

@kaoj91ymxz 

thank you for your response! Yes I have self-excluded for 1 year on the site I was playing on…I should have gone 5 years. I tend to do that, account activates, I play $100-250 and then cash out winnings or play until I lose - than I self exclude for long periods of time…I need to find the strength to self-exclude any time an account comes up for activation.

i have gamban active, have unsubscribed to any and all casinos/apps ive ever played plus self excluded on everyone I have played…unfortunately several of those apps are coming up for reactivation in the next few monts - so I need to develope the self-descipline and strength to just self exclude again or dont activate altogether. I was doing really well with that from Oct 2024-April 2025…need to dig in here and get bakc to that mentality.

thanks for reading! Helps me get things out and talk through this 🙂

Day 1 (5)

I felt determined today, determined to get back on track after a few weeks of relapse. I spent some time last night going over my finances and making a plan/goal for the next 12 weeks; a target if you will to reach in terms of saving. When I hit that goal, I will make a new target for 12 more weeks. I found that looking at all my finances and earnings over the next quarter, and laying down a plan as to where funds should be going gave me a real sense of empowerment. I saw the whole picture, briefly...but enough to give me hope and show myself that I have been doing well and I can do MUCH MUCH better. 

Small wins. Today I did not gamble. Tomorrow is another day of much the same 😀 

JB