Relapse after self exclusion period ended

Hi miscjoe...from everything I've read on here when you self exclude for 6 months you basically set yourself up for a relapse with the money that you have managed to save for the six months. I'm glad you have now opted for the 5years. You are not waffling getting everything out starts the healing, after lockdown have you thought how you are going to stop going to the bookies/arcades etc. I understand completely the pull gambling still has over you at the moment have you thought about giving control of your finances to someone or at least transparency and accountability . No access no money no gambling. As well as blocking access to websites my husband has full financial control, he gives me what money I need for our family etc. These things are not cures but very good tools to stop gambling, time away from gambling will help you recover and as you rightly say use your money for better things. I'm now 5months gamble free and wow life is so much better I'll always keep the blocks not worth the risk letting them lapse. Hope you find your way in recovery.

Hi Charlieboy,

Thanks for your reply. Yes, I think you're right and I think when I've been opting for the 6 month exclusions it's been with the thought of getting back to it in the shortest amount of time but trying to feel in control, when really, I'm not. If there's one positive from this weekend, it's that I've bitten the 5 year bullet as I know if I had opted for 6 months again, I would be in this exact same position but in another 6 months.

With the bookies, I'm on the self excluded list, so no problems there, I did walk into one a month or so back whilst out having a few beers and they promptly asked me to leave which was nice, in a way. I'm one of those gamblers who just have 'go to places', the only one I've had access to is a local arcade, although I did self exclude from there back in Jan/Feb, however I think I may have slipped their memory as they've always let me back in, after a few weeks of not being allowed to go due to lockdown, I imagine the fact that I'm not suppose to be allowed in there will return to my thoughts which will hopefully stop me from going, if I do go, I suppose I will have to find the courage/common sense to remind them I'm self excluded.

With regards to the financials, with my job, I'm in charge of lots of money, and I do manage finances within my family as well, I never really gamble or have lost what I cannot afford to, which is good. I know it doesn't sound great, but gambling in an arcade also has it's own sort of limit anyway as I can only withdraw £500 within any given day. My problem is online when it comes to halting at a loss, as I suppose in the midst of it I'm chasing that big win or my money back, but again I've now excluded so no danger there for 5 years.

I've been trying to figure out what drives me to gamble, and I can only think of escapism and out of boredom, plus trying to get rich quickly which I know is impossible for one reason or another. I've often tried to think of things to fill my time instead of gambling, but never really do, I mean, there's loads of things I could do, but gambling seems to take priority if I have access to it. Any advise or experiences you had in trying to change this mindset? As in replacing gambling as a thought priority and as an action completely? 

Thanks.

it is setting yourself up for a fall

there is no logic in doing anything other than the maximum unless you are looking for a get out of jail card to gamble 

well done on the 5. Be strong and keep going 

Hello Miscjoe.

Its an interesting point about you going undetected at an arcade and its something that isnt discussed in enough detail on the forum.

With self exclusions I always knew in my heart of hearts that its like asking the pushers to regulate their own operation.

Fundamentally it would be like asking a drug dealer to look after you and sell no more. Maybe thats a touch over dramatic but thats the basis of self exclusions when we understand what a gambling addiction is.

The bottom line is they know that a self exclusion scheme highlights the dangers of what they are tempting people with. They are embarrassed mixed with a fear of being exposed and I saw it on staff faces when I self excluded...they just looked more than a bit unsettled nervous and sheepish to be facing me

Some staff are more helpful than others but I never expected them to be checking lists daily and red hot on who comes in. For one they are busy doing other things and they dont have door staff with a checklist.

Theres one key point...it should be an out of town venue and they should have door staff checking names details and even memberships...just an example how regulated gambling should be (short of a ban)

I made a point of letting them know who I was but the local arcade for example is a revolving door of staff who don't really like their jobs. The thought of watching people on slots and hearing the daily banter would drive me mad. Lets be frank that the average staff member doesnt really care who comes in.

Maybe thats a touch harsh and they do have exclusion rules to follow but you know what Im getting at

Point is I knew it wasn't a foolproof system but I used the procedure as a matter of pride and a test. As it happened I didn't break those blocks or travel elsewhere. Oh I was tempted in the early days but the real recovery is talking through feelings and finally being honest with loved ones who care

I know the real blocks are closer to home...family monitoring including credit reports and restrictions to the money I have on a daily basis.

When we started my parents and I knew that I may try to gamble a few quid here and there. The default position is no trust and no money that could do me lasting damage. I didnt gamble and i was glad to be under scrutiny

Bless them they went through the learning to develop a sixth sense with me to protect everyone really. I was proud and pleased to provide receipts and proof where needed. Main thing is they were protecting their money. I could no longer blag and defraud them with lies to get easy bail out cash.

I feel its a strong deterrent knowing there is no back up plan for extinction gambling....because I did them all credit cards, pawning goods and defrauding my parents...it helps with the cold turkey knowing people have a close eye on you...its a good feeling when properly ready to stop gambling.

I can never be complacent again for the rest of my life.

Do you know something...I feel so positive about that statement.

Best wishes to everyone on the forum

until bookies online and shops introduce 2 things then we are all in danger of going back.

lifetime exclusions online, not just 5 years 

membership card for bookies 

these 2 simple things will save thousands of people from falling back into it.

not as black and white I agree but by god it would help folk.if they want it

Absolutely right!

They are not doing nearly enough and its scandalous how gambling is not recognised as a serious enough problem to need regulation including membership cards

Its about maximising profits at all costs and a government well in on the take

At the moment we have been dismissed as acceptable casualties and pawns in a sinister game of sheer greed

Best wishes to everyone on the forum

Hi Joydivider,

I agree with what you're saying, I accept as the gambler there is a certain amount of responsibility you have to take yourself, but the only limit you have is the resources you have available, with alcohol/drugs, your body would just give in, by going into an unconscious state or hospitalisation etc. Where as with a gambler, its what money you have in your account and how much you get access to through loans etc.

After accepting my recent loss, for what it is. I can't help but feel a bit of anger, I've been hit with gambling advertisements on the internet, radio & TV, even direct emails. If I hadn't self excluded when I did, I know I would still be gambling now, it's almost as if you have no chance, or certainly you're set up to fail. 

Another one of my mistakes, to try suppress my own cravings, I would watch online youtube videos, where there is some quite popular channels, some of these seem genuine but others, thinking of it now, I know cannot be. I would watch them hit big wins, and think I could replicate that, that's what I did this weekend, and all I did was continuously lose. My point being, there's also a false story being told, even through social media about people winning, but I'm convinced this is just a fantasy and far from reality.

With all of this, what hope do you really have. I'm sure, if they wanted to, they could regulate it more and put safeguards in place but like you say, people get rich of peoples misfortune. The only way we can win, is not to play, and I suppose that's a nice message or thought to take out of this.