Relapse, seen sense but it’s killing me inside.

Hi

Try not to be too hard on yourself,it’s happened now, you went all that time before now you’ve got to go even further in time abstaining, you’ve realised after the event so to speak,that’s the power of this addiction,for me what’s firmly planted is that it will always put you on your a**e, and I have a big red stop button that’s been there since my last relapse,you will always lose money as with compulsive gambling  you can’t accept and be content with one win, then you lose and then you chase,it affects your soul and mind, get back to putting the measures in place no one that’s been working for me is having no access to money, I’ve got Apple Pay on my phone that’s it, my wife does not trust me with money and has taken over the finances for which I am very grateful for,be forever on your guard and take one day at a time, talk to a trusted person of what’s happened don’t hide it mate, start again,you’ve abstained before and you can do it again! 
I wish you well.

s

@steve850 

Thanks for taking the time to reply. You kind words mean a lot. Thankfully my wife controls the finances and it’s just pocket money I get. It’s not the amount,  it’s having that 1 bet again. Just proves no matter how long you abstain the temptation is always there and always will be. I never in my life realised how mentally gambling can affect you. Just need to take it day by day and lick my wounds. It’s kind of a relief that I can be free again from this demon.

cheltenham is allways going to be the hardest week of the year for lots of people including you.  Next year put some extra blocks in place, al on here transfered all his money to his wife beofre that week so he simply couldnt gamble..... its these tough blocks that gets us there.

step back up and put those blocks in place for when the grand national comes a long.

U just have pocket money great just next time u know ur in danger transfer that pocket money to her so u know ur safe..... be it a week two weeks a month just untill u know youre safe again.

All the best

Ive been transferring all my money to my dad for five years now and its worked wonders. i dont think ill ever look to change that.

Adam

@aliwonton1 

keep going, it’s shocked me too, I’ve had addiction counselling and it has helped me, I recommend it if you can afford it mine was around £30 an hour but they explain the way the brain has been altered by doing gambling compulsively over a number of years , they give you pointers in the right direction and explain the complex way why sometimes you give in an relapse, that’s good your wife has control,working me, try and find time to exercise even a brisk walk say 5000 steps daily, to start and then go from there, helping me,yes I get one bet I’ve been there but that turns in to the dangerous cycle starting again,don’t give in to it mate, I had divorce papers served on me as my wife had enough after Xmas when i relapsed for the fourth time, I nearly lost literally everything my kids, wife,house,what most guys dream to have,we’ve reconciled but I know I can’t ever chance gambling ever again,my mental health has been affected and gambling played a huge part in that, it takes your soul, turns you in to some one else, so I have to keep working at it be on my guard daily,I’ve stopped drinking alcohol too as I think it goes hand in hand,only now have the odd social glass of wine now and again,keep a diary whilst in recovery, ?

Try not to have any spare cash in your wallet self exclude from every way we know,try not to put yourself and people,family around you through the pain and remember how it felt after relapse, talk to your wife if that overbearing temptation I know well comes along again and say how your feeling.

Hi

Over twenty years of the start of my recovery I went back to day so many times I have lost count.

Clean days can not be lost you have lived them clean.

Every day now is just for this today ONLY I will not gamble.

Yes it is only ONE day I need to face.

Often many days before a break out I am already emotionally vulnerable but I did not talk it out.

This year I am 29 yeas clean, yet can I say I do not get angry, that I hesitate in being honest, trust issues dot rise, right, that I question myself, but the important thing it is dealt with in healthy ways.

I am not a bad or evil or even a stupid person, less often now I am emotional vulnerable.   

Living with our fears is important, gaining confidence is important, understanding my needs,  understanding my wants, understanding how important my goals are, and being committed to writing things down.

For me gambling is a form of self abuse neglect and self destruction.

I have been in recovery since 1969 and I can say honesty I am a compulsive gambler today who does not want or need to gamble.

Every one on this planet can gamble I am good with that, but for me gambling is not healthy at any time.

In the last week my wife asked me could I have one gambling bet and stop.

I did not take offence or question her, I just smiled and laughed not today, thank you very much.

How healthy is my recovery today, can my wife be completely honest with me today, can my wife live with no fear being with me today, can my son do the same. 

Being in recovery helped me understand how unhealthy I was.

I do not want lies and secrets in my life today, 

I do not want lies and secrets from my family just for today.

In sharing in my therapies my pains get exposed, my fears get shared, my frustrated aired out, my loneliness reduced, boredom is very little in my life today.

If I am stuck thinking and living in the past.

I am not focused on today.

In my recovery is it about learning from my past, not living in it.

If I am living in the past I am not healing my pains.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK 

Hi

Once I took my recovery seriously I understood that I could not trust myself with money.

My wife took change of all of our finances.

I was then asked how much cash do I need each day.

As a mature person not so I could not even say what my financial needs for one day only.

We discussed how much cash each day I would carry and have on any one day.

The joke was I did not use the money up and often I declined money on a few days of the week.

The healthy consequences was after a time I found that having cash on me did not worry or stress me out.

I got to learn to trust myself with money.

That fear of holding money was reduced.

Sadly when finances were taken from me, I could not help but feel like I was being punished and humiliated like a little naughty child.

Therapies helped me reduce my fears.

Therapies helped my trust grow in the rooms of recovery.

Once that trust grew it became part of my intimacy with my family.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK 

Thanks so much for the comments. Gambling affects your mental strength to a whole new level. You end up living in a separate life to everyone else and the lies are that bad you start to believe the lies are true. My wife has all finances as I know I can’t control our finances. My wife hates me gambling and what makes it worse I continue to relapse. Last one was 220 days GF. I need to put the past in the past and focus on my recovery and stay GF, I know this feeling will pass but it’s still early days since my relapse. The government needs to do more. Bookmakers are seen to be doing something about problem gamblers but they will still take endless amounts of cash from the punter but never say maybe you can’t afford it. If the punter dose well they can restrict you and even block you. That sounds a good one coming from a problem gambler. I am the bookies best punter, as I am compulsive gambler and very rarely stop unless I have nothing left or will end up losing it in the end. Here is to another day GF. Stay strong everyone. GF is defo the best life for me.

all the best

ally

@aliwonton1 

Hi

Reading and sharing is the way to a healthy recovery.

Attending live meetings is more beneficial.

For me gambling simply made me feel more emotionally vulnerable and the more I would isolate myself.

The healing process is very much helped with intimacy with healthy people or like minded people.

It was very healthy for my wife to take over our finances, very healthy choice.

My wife to taking over our finances helped trust issues also.

My wife did not like me gambling that was when I became more seacrative and we both lived in our growing fears.

When I continued to relapse I was not learning any thing from my last bet.

I know now when I was gambling I was causing myself and other lots of pains, 

When I was gambling I was running away from my self.

Gambling establishments are there to run a business.

Gambling establishments never hurt me I hurt myself

Gambling establishments never lied to my family or stole from them I did.

With out me going in to the recovery I would never be able to heal my pains or live a healthier life.

If I was not a compulsive gambler I would have never found out how unhealthy I was.

I use to hate the fact I was a compulsive gambler.

Now I am glad that I am a compulsive gambler.

How much do I care about myself.

How much do I want to be a healthier person today.

Love and peace to every one.

Thank you

Dave L

13 days GF. 13 days from my relapse after nearly 1 year GF. What I have realised in the past few weeks is how being a compulsive gambler can affect your mental health to a whole new level. Every relapse I have had has been worse than ever. The past weeks has been of hurt as I was doing so well and gave into the temptations of Cheltenham. I do fell better fir realising straight away how big a mistake it was. When I am GF my head is a lot clear and more positive. Life is to short to be chasing our life’s away. In the end the bookie will always win.

38 days GF. Staying positive and keeping busy. Taking every days as it comes. Once you give up gambling it’s scary how much it affects your mental strength and breaks you down slowly into the compulsive gambler that I had become. There was no way I would stop until I had nothing left. Anyone out there questioning they have a gambling problem. Stop while you can.

Hi

Having 38 days gambling free is very healthy.

By abstaining from gambling we become more aware of how we feel emotionally.

For me causing myself further pains mental strength very low going to gambling is a form of self abuse.

The gambling establishments did not make me gamble.

The gambling establishments did not lie to me or my family.

There is no reward for living in guilt shame or regret.

As soon as you start to heal your pains you will no longer want to hurt your self any more.

Love and peace to everyone

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

77 days GF. Not been on to much lately m. With being extremely busy with work and out with the dog and golfing any spare time I have. I always wonder how I ever had time to gamble. Any gambling thoughts keep busy is my advice. Once a compulsive gambler always a compulsive gambler. Times are hard with day to day bills never mind giving it away to a bookmaker. Another recession is on the horizon I fear. Stay strong folks.

86 days GF. So glad Ascot is over and all the promotion work plastered all over the tv as well. So happy I kept myself busy and didn’t get soaked in. Stay strong a gamble free life is so better than chasing your life away. I was reading an article of someone who hit a wee run and the bookmaker was concerned he had a gambling problem. Funny for the past 4 to 5 weeks he’s blown all his wages and never heard a pep out them. It’s shocking in every way. The government has to get involved. The industry is struggling and there desperate to take workers hard earned cash. Stay strong folks.