Respect to GA

Hello everyone just thought I'd share my experience. My name is Julie & I am a compulsive gambler. My latst bet was 28th October 2015 I don't know when or why I crossed the line but I do know it got me! I slowly declined into a liar. Thief. Depression. Anxiety and thoughts of calling this s**t that happens to be my life a day. The pain and awareness that I have absolutely no control over gambling it turnt into a bubble if I was stressed, sad, happy, glad I would gamble while in that bubble starring at a machine I could switch off (then it would end in the usual way) loss defeat feeling so bad and not able to do the simplest things in life, friends. Family my kids got pushed aside whilst I formed this relationship with the machine!! I went to my first GA meeting and they were so supporting, I knew the format of meeting as I've been in AA for over 20 years, Gambling is almost invisible and takes me to such a darker thought process, the shame attached the logic why do I do it knowing I'm going to loose because that is also part of this illness. For me befor I surrendered there was no hope, light I became ill with anxiety didn't eat. Like most choices in my addictive behaviour that are unhealthy I do not look at them untill my back against the wall the consequences are pilling up and again I have to stand in a room where there's identification & empathy. And put my hands up and say I'm done and a day at a time since going GA I haven't gambled. Don't get me wrong recovery is hard as I'm so used to running & I trust no one!! Again little by little it's changed I found for me letting someone else handle my finances was so helpful again the inadequacy, feeling like a child but having money on me is a trigger, it's like asking me to store a bottle of vodka in my fridge, the meetings are so powerful as no matter what type, how much the pain it took to walk in and collapse in tears to a bunch of strangers who softly accepted and identified here I am safe. I attended many meeting a week in both fellowships. All I would say if your in that dark where there's no light get to a meeting. Share your story it really does help with the healing and forgiving yourself, I still hear a voice telling me I'm s**t But today I don't act on those thoughts I take it share it and it gets easier to deal with, I had my first holiday and I see sun light , the hours days weeks spent in these places. Good luck and try the meeting xx