Rock bottom gets worse

So today is day 9 gf and I’m having a quiet day at home, thinking about what I need to do moving forward. I woke up much later then I planned and have a bad headache so the day hasn’t been as productive as I’d hoped but there is always tomorrow. I joined chat at lunch which was nice and we had a good debate. 

My daughter has gone out for the day with her friend and she has still been incredibly supportive and lovely so I really hope she has a good day and I haven’t tarnished it too much. Usually when I’m at home, I do t tend to eat as I never bother making something just for myself. Today I decided that I am worth the effort to make myself something to eat so I have just made homemade coleslaw and rice and going to sit down, watch some tv and enjoy having some food. Something so simple yet makes me happy. I’ve realised I need to start looking after myself better and this is the starting point. 

I truly believe this time is different and my mindset has changed. I’ve had no urges to gamble in the last 9 days and cannot thank all the people who have given support over this time-it’s been invaluable. I also know I can’t be complacent and to take each day at a time. I’m looking forward to reaching my two week milestone.

Im planning on doing some baking this afternoon so my daughter and I have some yummy treats for tomorrow. I hope everyone is having a good day so far and will pop into chat this evening. 

Sounds ideal.. 

Yes we thrashed out some thoughts. 

Im downloading the split from series one.. That'll keep me occupied next few days..

Till later 

Boo ?

Today has been a good day despite not doing much. I watched lots of tv which after a while became a little monotonous so I really need to give some thought about hobbies or interests that I can start getting involved in on my weekends to stop the boredom. Despite this, I didn’t have any urges at all to gamble and never even crossed my mind. That is progress as usually I would be thinking about it. 

This month will be difficult to do much that isn’t free due to the financial predicament I have made but hopefully next month I can look at maybe joining some kind of group to participate in - I have no idea what but need to find something to get out and meet new people. I will have to do some searching to see what is available in my local area. 

Ive just got in bed and am rolling into day 10 gf. I hope I still feel this way when the 30 day mark is approaching. Only time will tell. 

Morning lonely

I'm up because the stupid dog kept barking lol

Having things to do to fill your time is very important.  I go to a pub quiz with my husband and his friends once a week . But  although I really enjoy that I still wish there was something for ME. I think I said before that in the evenings I have been doing some diamond art,  it's good but I would love to have people to chat too.  Remember when the internet became a big thing and there used to be chat rooms everywhere, even that would be good. 

My  husbands friend joined a theatre group where he  helps behind the scenes , maybe you could see if there is anything like that near you.  I know lots of people go to a church group as there really welcome new people and its gives you people to chat too. 

I'm not overweight but I joined a slimming group with my daughter who needed to lose a few pounds.  My daughter has stopped going but I still attend, I always have a really good laugh and with some great new recipes. As an added bonus I feel healthy then ever. 

Hope you manage to find something. 

Have a great day 

Claire x 

Hi lonely, just catching up on your diary, and thought mybe you could try some kind of volunteering, theres loads in my area I was thinking a joining in a litter pick in the local park, would be nice to get out, meet new people, feel good about doing a good deed and no money needed.  

Hope you've had a good day x

Thanks for the posts Fun and Claire. I posted back in your diaries. 

Today has been a reasonably good day. Mentally I have felt strong, physically I woke up feeling rubbish but that’s not unusual due to an ongoing health condition. Despite this, I got up and made pancakes and bacon with golden syrup for myself and my daughter which she assisted with. These were really yummy and felt like a real treat, even though it actually worked out to be a pretty cheap breakfast. I really like the McDonald’s pancake breakfasts but as money is really tight, decided to do a fakeaway and I think I will do it more often then wasting lots on fast foods. It was simple and easy to make too. It’s funny because up until about a week ago, I’ve always disliked cooking and saw it as a chore. Over the past week, I have researched recipes online and have baked three times and prepared a couple of nice dinners. I’m going to try and use some of my free time to start becoming more adventurous with my cooking, plan a week ahead of meals I want to cook so I get all the right ingredients when I go shopping and also cut down on buying stuff we don’t really need. I’m also going to go to a local shop to buy lots of plastic tubs. I’ve decided for the next few Sundays I’m going to try and batch cook a few dishes to pack in individual tubs and freeze them to have for dinner for the week and also for me and my daughter to take to work for lunch. We spend quite a bit of food during the day. This month I can’t anyway as I have very limited to get to the end of the month but I also want to try this moving forward to help get my debts and finances in order quicker. I will see how this goes. I didn’t do that today due to feeling bad but once I finished in evening chat, I did cook up some pasta with veg for our lunch tomorrow along with a slice of rocky road that I made on Saturday. 

Lots of people have made plenty of suggestions about things I could do so I’m going to have a look in more detail about the different opportunities in my area and see how I can fill my time productively. 

As I felt I’ll today, I ended up going back to bed this afternoon and slept for a few hours. I felt much better when I woke back up but this has meant that I’m not tired and needless to say why I’m posting on my diary at 2am. Still, I guess there could be worst things like sitting up at 2am and gambling. 

I have had no urges or thoughts to gamble and have completed 10days gf and rolling into day 11. I’m feeling strong that I can do this. 

Thats enough rambling for one night so going to read a few diaries and tick myself into bed.

Lonely

Hello Bex. Hope you are having a good day.

Great to read that you are finished with fast foods, burger joints and takeaways. Them places are ok now and than as a treat but are sadly lacking in regard to nutrition.

Healthy Options (which are very reasonably priced) include:

A bowl of porridge with diced fresh fruit for breakfast.

Freshly cooked vegetables or a nice salad for lunch.

Brown rice (simmered for 20 minutes) can be the basis for a delicious evening meal or maybe pasta with a tasty bolognese sauce (quorn mince is very tasty.)

Stephen x 

Thanks Stephen. When I said healthy I didn’t mean your version of healthy lol. I like my junk food too much so I’m going to have to give your thoughtful ideas of porridge and brown rice a miss for the time being x

Tiday is nearly over and will be the end of day 11. Had a busy day at work and didn’t get back until later than planned so just had bacon baguettes as I really couldn’t be bothered to cook. Plus, me and my daughter were starving and didn’t want to wait for something to take ages. Tomorrow I will try and do better...

My day at work was okay, however, tonight have been feeling a little emotional. I have sat and blubbered while watching my tv series which I don’t tend to do regularly but I’m not really sure why I’m feeling like this. I’ve nit had any urges or thoughts about gambling so find it really strange that tonight I’m suddenly feeling tearful. To be fair, it was a sad scene so maybe I’m just overthinking it. I went into chat when I got in and that was good. I’m going to tuck myself into bed in a minute as I want to try and get an earlier night then I’ve had the past two nights as I really struggle in the mornings. Roll on to day number 12.

Day 12

Today I was very busy at work, which is nothing unusual so the day passed by very quickly. Got lots done but didn’t feel like I really achieved very much if that makes sense. I’ll have to do some work at home tomorrow evening to try and get some things done that there just isn’t time to get done in the office. I’d planned to join in chat tonight but instead, ended up going on an unplanned trip to the local supermarket. We were starting to run low on things and decided with all the panic buying and scarcity of lots of items, I’d better get a few bits to keep us going. In the end, I bought enough toiletries, food and essentials to last us until the end of the month.Even if I’m skint for most of the rest of it, I am happy in the knowledge that the freezer and cupboards are pretty full and have plenty for pack lunches so I don’t have to worry about whether I can eat at work. This makes me very happy!

Despite not getting back until about 10pm, whilst putting the shopping away with help from my daughter, we sorted through all the kitchen cupboards to make space and check what was actually in there. This was productive and cleared out some bits that were way old!

By the time we finished, my daughter and me sat down and had a quick microwave meal. I don’t generally like having microwave meals but when I checked the clock it was 12.00am so it was a kinda needs must situation. We sat at the dining table having a good chat until now. 

I thought I would catch up quickly on the diaries before heading off to the land of nod which needs to be soon as I have an early start. That is day 12 completed and now into day 13. I have had no urges or thoughts today so overall today has been a good day. I can’t believe that it’s almost two weeks since I was sat in my car a complete wreck. What a difference a little time can make and of course, all of the support from the lovely people in this forum. 

I hope everyone is doing okay and here’s to another day gamble free. 

Thanks for popping by.. One busy lady.. 

Boo ???

Good idea to get some shopping in Bex. I myself have slowly been filling my larder in the event that I have to self isolate. 

It is a beautiful sunny day in Hull and I hope the sun shines today on you and your delightful daughter. I must say she seems like an absolute treasure.

You are now well into your journey of recovery and have taken brave steps to prevent you gambling in the future. I admire your courage and determination to rid yourself of the scourge of gambling and your desire to live a more meaningful, productive and satisfying life.

Stay strong my friend 

Stephen x 

Thank you for the posts of support Boo and Stephen. It’s amazing how words of support can really leave a footprint. I’m grateful to be part of this wonderful forum with such strong, amazing people who despite their own personal battles, always make the time for others.

Day 14

So today I have reached two weeks and am so happy. I really do think the penny has dropped this time as the time has gone so quickly and I have had no urges or thoughts about gambling which has to be a first in this period of time. I’m not going to get complacent as I know this can lead to a downfall. 

Today has been a good day! I’ve been so busy at work the time just disappears which I guess isn’t always a good thing but I would always rather be busy then have time on my hands. Onto day 15!

Hope everyone else is doing okay.

Going to try and get in bed before 1 tonight which will make a change. 

Bex,

thank you so much for taking the time to pop onto my diary, that was lovely ?.  I am so happy that you have already reached the two week milestone. Keep doing what you are doing. One day at a time. You’ve got this xx

Good to see on chat this evening Bex. I only managed the last 20 minutes but I find it therapeutic.

You are now a couple of weeks into your journey of recovery and I am loving your positive attitude.

Wishing you a super duper weekend.

Stephen x 

Awww thanks Stephen, I popped by your diary before I saw this post. Day 15 is Just about to come to an end and everything is good right now. 

Today has been a crazy, manic day in the office making lots of preparation if myself and my team have to work from home for the next few weeks. This means I have plenty to keep me busy over the weekend and that’s before I do the basics like household chores but at least I won’t be able to complain I am bored. 

I was so knackered that when I got home I went for an hours nap and set my alarm so I would be awake for 8pm chat. I was really pleased I woke up in time and didn’t sleep for hours on end, unlike the other evening when I slept right through it and was annoyed with myself for most of the evening for missing chat. In an ironic way, it pleases me that I was so annoyed as this just underlines the importance of the support I have had from here since joining, but in particular, the last 15 days and chat is something I look forward to when my work schedule allows. 

After chat, I cooked some gammon, special potatoes and veg.  Oh my, was it good. In the last 15 days something strange seems to have happened as I seem to be developing passion for things that I previously disliked or hated - cooking being one of them. However, in the last two weeks, I’ve done more baking and taken more pride in my cooking then I have in the past few years.  It’s a little bizarre! I even bought lots of ingredients when I went shopping that I would never buy like spices and other bits so I can cook a few dishes over this weekend. 

There were a couple of things that really got my goat at work today and even that hasn’t dampened my mood or spirit so I can actually see some progress in my mental state. Better late then never!

Im going to fall into bed shortly and read a few more diaries. I hope all my gamcare friends are doing okay and making progress in their recovery. Day 15 over; now for day 16.

Nite for now. 

Lonely