roulette/fobt hell.

Markb117.....I slipped as well this week.......the disappointment is indescribable......it's taken me five days to post again...because I feel so ashamed....I feel for you too.....we have to just keep trying to re build our defences here....if we keep re building....they will eventually get stronger.......and stronger again......

Day 1 done.no urges today probably because I ve got no money though.Good luck everyone.

Hi pal,sorry about your relapse but you've come back on and that's a good thing,don't beat yourself up too much,this is hard,I gave up smoking and thought that was hard,but this is another level,you may have moments of weakness,that's totally understandable,but don't give up trying,I look forward to seeing your diary update with 2 days tomorrow!

Hi Mark,

I feel for you. Ive been in your shoes. I remember xmas 2012 was really bad, I lost - or should i say threw away - over 700 in about 4 days. Chasing chasing chasing on the fotb's. It took another 18 months or so to finally admit defeat and realise what was lost was never gonna come back to me. Even modest wins would only give me more gambling money tk return the next day.

Im not saying im gamble free as I still place my football bets, but since May ive stopped going into bookies and havent been near a FOBT. Evil machines!

If i can do it then so can you my friend. The first few days are really really hard as you have an addiction and auto pilot is really difficult to override.

I'll follow your diary with much interest. Good luck pal.

Mark

Cheers mark,I ve just been reading a lot of diarys on here it really helps to see people are beating this.For the last 18 years or so I ve just been pretending to stop, I ve never made that full commitment or just said to myself it's getting worse,not better.but I am pretty sure I hit rock bottom on Friday thought I d done it Tuesday but that was just a practice run(I actually had money left then) it's time the wife knows everything so it's definatly time, roulette has got a lot to answer for I hate you..

Mate, everytime I skulked out of a shop I promised myself never again...It was only when I went looking on the Internet for ways to control myself that I actually realised quitting was my only option. It was a shock I didn't want to hear but I read so many threads that I had no choice but to believe it! Now here I am, grateful that I am gamble free! I have residual shame, of course (& I don't ever expect to be free of that) but mostly I have relief that I no longer need to be sneaky & manipulative. I wish you the best telling your wife & can only hope she is as supportive as my partner was...It hurts but the pain now is a small price to pay compared to the gamblers web of deceit she has been subjected to for years.

Be strong - Together we can beat this - ODAAT

Hi mark,

I'm new on here, but your post sounds a replica of my day last week. Salary arrives, can't sleep, can't think about anything other than walking into the bookies armed to the teeth with case. Arrive at in Central London for 8:15 in bookies for 8:20, salary lost by 9:05. Calling work explaining my train is late - complete lie.

I've tried self exclusion but this is like painting the forth bridge, if i want to gamble i will find one of these hell holes no problem. Personally I think the only way out of this is being honest with ourselves, the people around us and having the desire to sort it out. I dream of a life where gambling doesn't control my moods, my finances and most importantly the negative impact this is having on the people around me. I wish you all the best, and I really hope you can beat this. Andy

Stay strong mark your not alone mate I know that exact feeling I'm only 2 days gamble free I had to stop, I have done well over a grand in the last week on roulette I have small amount of money left to survive until I get paid in new year it's absolutely soul destroying playing them machines, I got a nice 2 weeks off work which I have been so looking forward to and now I will have to spend it watching every penny I spending, I feel so stupid but I have been looking through some of the other guys story's and they are a massive inspiration to stop, it is possible and does get easier I'm looking forward to smashing day 3 tomorrow stay strong mate

Day 2 done, no urges again but feeling pretty S***y about everything to be honest, but thanks everyone for the support.

Wish you the best on your journey. Recovery is a gift and completely free! Put as much into recovery as you did gambling and things will start to improve. I think the early days are by far the hardest but you can do this! feeling sh8t is part of the journey I guess as time passes and days pass not gambling everything becomes real and can be a little overwhelming and emotional but I guess that's part of the process of becoming a non gambler! Letting go of the losses is important in moving forward. Don't look upon not gambling as a restriction but an opportunity to feel better, to be free, to not be in debt, to achieve and build relationships and all the things gambling has stopped us from doing?

Have a good christmas and new year

Stone roses

Hi Mark,

Have you tried counselling or GA?

Sounds daunting but I found counselling particulary useful.

You need some will power to just beat this cold turkey!

I'm at the doctors tonight to ask for some more support, determined to get my moneys worth from the NHS 🙂

Might try counselling trarsofaclown, I ve tried Ga in the past but found it all a bit overwhelming.I must say even though I ve messed up Christmas this year(not the first) my 3yr old daughter is sat on my lap while I m writing this which makes life that bit more bearable.

GA wasn't for me either. Counselling was scary at first too but when I got there I was really at ease and my counsellor was really easy to talk to and not judgemental at all.

Check it out on here, no time like the present! 🙂

http://www.gamcare.org.uk/support-and-counselling/face-face-counselling

Day 3 done and dusted,I should be getting excited about xmas for my little girl, but just seem to be on a different planet at the moment , plus I ve had a cold for three weeks which i m convinced my gambling ups n downs haven't helped me recover.

Well done on day 3 Mark... i'll be keeping track of your progress mate. All the best.